Had a couple of lady friends who went on vacation to Europe - Spain and France, specifically - and had totally different experiences on the dating apps. Men were open and friendly, knew how to hold up a conversation (in non-native languages!), showed politeness, responded quickly, made first contact easy and low-anxiety, looked good, smelled nice, knew how to dance, charmed the panties right off them both, and then kept in contact afterwards. Like, even after they flew back home, these guys were still saying “Hey, what’s up, here’s something cool happening in my neighborhood can’t wait to see you again”.
Just a radically different experience than the American dating scene. One friend straight up swore off American men entirely. She’s booking a flight back to France for a three month go - working remote, learning the language, the whole thing - because of how blown away by the healthier and happier social conditions over there.
Prepare for a changed experience. europe is hating the USA and US americans more and more every day. I get the ick when i hear americans on the street. Gtfo and kill trump.
This is bad and you should actively attack these feelings. The majority of us despise this guy.
The majority of you didn’t prevent this guy from leading your country, so sorry if we aren’t impressed.
Unfortunately the way the US “democracy” works he didn’t need a majority, and still doesn’t have one.
Lowest approval rating of all time.
Your approval ratings dont fix things, you are all complacent until you distinguish yourselves, sorry.
And still fuck those who did distinguish themselves because fuck Americans right? Country before person always.
This reminds me when Americans used to talk about how there is no innocent Russian, because Putin is in-charge, and they don’t risk their lives to overthrow him.
Well, now you see it’s not so simple, and why genocide against a people, you simply cannot justify.
Any Americans who said this were retarded, please don’t hold up people like that as extensions of the majority.
Yeah but that’s not dating that’s a hookup. Completely different ball game. Much easier to maintain a facade for a couple of days when both parties know that there is no potential for relationship.
Actual dating requires you to maintain for the long haul.
Imagine making a radical life change based on a dating app hookup
The apps reflect the underlying culture and social order. They weren’t the only reason. Go spend a week in the south of France after spending half your life in Galveston and you’ll understand.
Imagine making a radical life change based on a week-long vacation
More, spending a month abroad looking for a better place and striking gold.
So you recognize that the situation you described is an exceptional case, and not one to recommend making radical life changes over?
Really depends on your circumstances. There’s nothing radical about changing careers or finding a nicer place to live when you’ve hit a glass ceiling. Humans have been doing that for tens of thousands of years. It’s why we’re not all living in the Fertile Crescent.
Hol up, I thought we were talking about moving to a whole ass new continent for some really good foreign dick, not because of hitting a glass ceiling lmao
Once you go France
others don’t stand a chanceWell, obviously. Although if you’re from the US, that’s true for most of Europe.
Tourist hunters. They know the game. They aren’t the norm.
Tourist hunters are different. They know France is, for some reason, the first worldwide destination and flock here to steal your wallets. They’ll be on the steps to the Sacré Cœur to tie a bit of string around your wrist while a comparse grabs your wallet, your keys, your underwear and your toupee.
It’s a two way street. Some people need to go to some completely different place to relax enough, and some other people bet on tourists being relaxed enough.
I even remember that kind of effect from school, during school time I would always get into fights with kids that I was happily hanging around with in the holidays.
It’s exactly as you say, people in France and some other places in southern Europe like italy and spain actually know how to treat women properly. and they don’t even have “feminism” (i.e. forced smiles and if you don’t behave you go to jail) there. What they have is common sense and centuries of experience with how to actually treat women well.
they don’t even have “feminism”
I mean, they do have feminism. The trick to understanding feminism is to recognize how it benefits both genders when the walls of segregation and elitism come down.
Once you’re able to treat each other as peers, rather than income streams or commodities, you develop the kind of common sense they enjoy.
The apps are literally designed to keep you single
I used to think this. Then I went on some dates, I made connections, etc.
But only once I started paying. The apps are built to maximize profit.
Hinge > Boo > Tinder > Bumble.
This is exactly how it works - I became single after 13 years and so had no previous experience with dating apps, so I decided to go all in and get one month’s subscription to Hinge, Bumble and Grindr. Before the end of the month I was concurrently dating five people (four women and one man) as a bi man in his thirties. Shit was pretty cash.
A lot of people asked me why I was so successful and I told them it’s because I paid for the subscriptions. For what ended up amounting to around $100AUD I got to date a bunch of people, had some great dates and great sex, and one of those five people is now my long term partner with whom I’m living. She was one of the ‘top recommended’ people on Hinge and the algorithm really got it right!
YMMV but paying for the apps actually provides quite a good service.
Ok well, I haven’t had that kind of success. But success none the less.
I think people’s biggest fear with paying for the apps is that they’ll end up in a situation where they are just throwing good money after bad and not getting anything for it. Then you get into the sunk cost fallacy and it’s really difficult to get yourself out of that headspace.
The problem is the apps say that they have recommendations that you only have to pay to unlock but I don’t believe them.
The issue here, beside being a sample of one is that you immediately paid so other factors could be in play.
Most apps are owned by like 2 companies really
Yeah and they all suck as a result.
I keep meaning to have a proper look into it and see if there are any actual dating site / apps that are independent. It’s a massive pain because usually you can’t really tell if an app is going to be any good or if it’s just another clone until after you’ve already signed up. It’s quite the time investment.
While yes, that is the case, I cannot help but feel it’s not the app’s fault this time
The Algorithm used to match people isn’t designed to encourage healthy and normal conversations. It’s designed to encourage people to spend more time on the apps (and, eventually, more money).
yeah we need sth like fediverse dating services tbh
While yes, that is the case, I cannot help but feel it’s not the app’s fault this time
Worked just fine for me.
Feel free to ask for advice or whatever.
PSA: “tyyy” - thanks, ya yella yutz.
Such language. Tsk.
I was taught to treat others the way I want to be treated, but this causes friction when I want to be harassed and catcalled the way cartoon construction workers harass and catcall women, but women don’t like that at all. 😩
Too real
Hey baby, I like the way you walk down that stare with that blank, emotionless stare like you’re deep in boredom.
Now THERE’S a dating website conversation starter. They’ll either run in terror or become an item :)
I do share the same sentiment as women upon being told I should smile more. Maybe if the world wasn’t so fucked up I would. 🤷♂️
this should go into the [email protected] community definitely (btw i fully understand and share your sentiment)
Hey! I bet you’re a really cool person!
Am I doing this right?
To be fair you probably want to be catcalled by pretty women instead of 50 year old men.
What I am trying to say is have you considered putting on a maid outfit before catcalling? :3
yeah that checks out tbh
I honestly don’t care. I’m pansexual. Some 50yo dudes are hot af. 🤷♂️
😏 How you doin?
I’m Schrödinger’s old dude, I might be hot I might not. (Best to never know)
I’ll always be uncertaintly hot as long as you don’t look at my Insta.
We’ll needs links to verify
Plot twist!
heeey bby, is that a baseball bat in your trousers or are you happy to - oh shit! - it’s a baseball bat, run! run like the dickens!
When you catcall Ness but your name is Pokey.
Man I feel this but at the same time idk wtf I’d do if it actually happened. Like if some cutie started cataccling me I’d be like ‘wait me? For real? No wait really? Are you sure? Have you had your eyes checked?’
I have actually been catcalled before, but it was in somewhat close proximity. It was in Vegas and it was a group of girls who were walking toward me and one yelled, “Hey! She likes your hair!” (I have anime-esque hair)
I was more confused than anything, then embarrassed, then amused. Us guys get so little attention that I’ve been going out of my way to compliment other guys in a non-flurting way.
Nice! Yeah I make sure to comment on dudes shirts and such. We all need to support each other out there
And there’s the problem. You went straight to it being a cutie. To make it comparable, it should probably be Roseanne.
I can’t catcall somebody with a dog avatar. Geeze, work with me here. Gotta have a cat I can pspsps
Women are people so you talk to them how you would talk to another person
Talking to women and talking to women you want to date are slightly different things tbh. The latter doesn’t necessarily come naturally for all.
And online, it gets even harder oftentimes. Creating a captivating conversation out of an empty bio, two generic photos and a name? That’s still damn difficult for me and I’ve been on tinder for like 4 years out of the last 8. Obviously it’s easier if the conversational partner throws you a bone. OOP didn’t exactly have a great opener to begin with and then was given a “tyyy”. Try riffing on that. Good luck. I can see why OOP gave up on the conversation.
Online “dating” sucks. I’m sure women have their own reasons why it sucks (safety in particular), but for men it sucks because generally speaking, you’re expected to prove yourself as an interesting conversational partner within 2-3 messages. Even on Bumble it’s the same, as seen in the screenshot. Women have to write first there, but usually it’s just “hi” or an emoji.
So I also don’t know how to talk to women. I have female friends. I’m not an incel, I’ve had a couple of long-term relationships and some, eh, situationships I guess? Even some with people I met on dating apps. Meet me in person? We’re staying awake talking until 5 AM. Actually give me something to riff about in your bio or at least reply to me with more than one word? We’re at the very least going to have a fun conversation, maybe meet in real life. But give me an empty bio and one word replies? I’m sorry, but I just don’t know how to talk to you.
An empty bio and one-word replies sounds like someone who’s not worth talking to. I don’t think that’s your failure.
That’s half the girls on Tinder sadly. I tend to swipe most of the empty bios left and lately just abandon the conversation if the other half doesn’t seem interested or interesting enough to at least reply with something creative too.
But that’s just the reality of online “dating”. It’s a numbers game and heavily in favour of women. As someone once said, men are looking for drinking water in the desert, while women are looking for it in the ocean. Sucks for everyone, just in different ways.
Ok but like. Dating and flirting talk is different from normal talk. More giggly, more vibes. Some people can’t do that for shit
That’s almost impossible to do over text.
Almost.
So I talk to them how I talk to my friends with a lot more enthusiastism.
That ends up where I start just turning into an essay writer and I have overwhelmed at 6 in the past year.
So maybe not normal talk either.
I’m so bad at flirting over text. I can do it irl somewhat once the first bit of convo gets jumpstarted but mannn dating apps kill me. I get far more people down to hang in person than ever from a dating app.
There’s a lot of women who can’t do that either. It’s not a movie and a lot of us have the same executive functioning disorders that make this confusing. I think people need to find someone who connects with them so pretending to be someone else is a bad strategy
I think people need to find someone who connects with them
I get very connected to the randos on grindr.
I don’t know how to talk to another person either.
That’s fair
Dont worry, here on the internet everyone is a dog using the humans internet whole they are gone to work.
Yall are dogs to, right?
“I took a mad shit today, it smelt acidic bro, even after I flushed, it stuck to the side of the bowel. I used my kegel muscles to piss at Mach 10 speed, but all it really did it spray a bit of piss on the toilet seat. So anyway how you doing, are you free to catch up for a coffee?”
I’m sure there’s someone out there for you but generally unfiltered honesty increases after a relationship has been established. You probably wouldn’t start a conversation with this when meeting anyone new but if you would I’m sure someone like that is out there there’s a lot of weirdos out there
this explains so much about my life and my oddly shaped churo penis.
Care to elaborate over a coffee?
sure, churos taste great with good coffee.
I did, end result was someone actually contacts me for a date, but I just…don’t feel anything, so I just end up talking to hear her life story, and nothing actually happens.
I will be single for life 🥲
But that’s ok! I don’t want to drag anyone into a relationship with a miserable person who does not want to live anyway (hence, relationships are last place).
I’m feeling like a lot of people relate to this these days unfortunately
The fundamental issue here is that they call this dating when it’s something else entirely. They should have made a new name for it when it became like sifting through resumes.
courting phase
Here’s a name for it: Intimate Individual Review Sessions. Prospective team members must engage in touchpoints so that they may energize their velocity for fast paced interview opportunities.
I don’t think anyone calls this dating? It’s the filter to figure out if you want to date
Dating apps
Online dating
But I agree that it’s more of a way to meet people to date, not actual dating
like sifting through resumes.
Then we need to call it what it is: This exchange is an HR screen.
That guy is a keeper! Lock him down and he’ll be loyal for life! He doesn’t even know how to talk to other women!!
Makes family dinners with his own mom really awkward though.
You have to know stuff, you can’t just go there! Saying “hi” is a red flag, bad seed, you will be ghosted.
My partner messaged me first asking if my cat’s name was Dickface.
We were married 8 months later.
Why did you marry a cat ?
Jesus, stop judging people!
*sad jesus noises*
didn’t you read? it says right there in the comment
Let’s be honest. If you could marry a cat you would too.
To whoever said that (or anyone who DON’T talk to people when trying to date): have you tried improv? Improv comedy would help you talk to people better, and would probably give you the confidence and courage
I’ve played dungeons and dragons a lot. Does that count?
I put on my wizards hat
Edit: God, I realized that the joke I referenced is so old and niche by now in internet culture I have to provide a link: https://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/bloodninja
Certainly, but it works better when you are the DM rather than a player.
Roll a charisma check.
Might have to be a saving throw actually
There is a new bash.org here:
If it’s any consolation many of us are old fogeys (from an internet perspective), and likely understood it immediately. I know I did!
So if a person struggles with confidence your solution is for them to stand up on stage? There seems to be an important first step that seems to have been skipped.
Improv doesn’t have to be on a stage.
To practice improv is just to practice social skills. And, I don’t know how else to say this, a lack of social skill is the fundamental root problem here. Anyone who lacks confidence in this way is going to have to learn them one way or another.
A real first step might be learning to be brave and charging through one’s anxiety to get to the improv center, but they have to go. Whether it’s improv or something else, they have to go.
You’ve gotta take the first step yourself, no one can do that for you.
Or don’t. Be a shutin. Fear the mailman. Die a virgin. I’m not your boss.
I suggest reading the link about improv
You find a class or a club, not an open mic.
omg damn that’s me. i ended up sending a shitpost meme/pic of my dinner to a female co-student. still waiting for her response.
An unsolicited photo of something random might not be something everyone responds to. I wouldn’t necessarily send a response.
So if she doesn’t respond, it doesn’t definitively mean she doesn’t want to talk to you. Maybe try again with something that actually indicates that you’re looking for a response. Like … ask a question about something you know you have in common.
Did you finish the reading for class? I think the part about ABC could be interpreted to apply to XYZ. What do you think?
You said you like comedians. Have you seen the new Marcello Hernandez special on Netflix?
Make it something that could turn into an actual conversation if she answers you.
yeah yeah i know, we’ll see, i’ll update you tomorrow
If I learned anything from the internet she’s basically your wife now. Start collecting pieces of string and straw because you’re gonna be building a nest soon!
i hope xD
Tbf she made zero effort to converse with OOP either
Perfect match!
This is the bumble experience lol. The man still has to do the real first message because the woman’s first message is going to be “hey” 99% of the time.
As a man I also sent just hi to everyone. Reasoning behind that was that if there is any interest, they would reply with something. Like a ping. When we’d get to know better I could be more personal. Found a great partner this way, we’ve been together for 5 years now.
I had a formula: “Hi!”, my real first name, a brief mention and open-ended question about something I found interesting on their profile, then closing with something like “Online dating can be a lot. I’d love to hear from you, but only when you’re ready. No pressure. I hope you have a great day.”
So about four sentences. It took me like two minutes. I got about 1 response in 10 instead of over 1:30 that way, at least from women. Success!
I then proceeded to have all of the worst dates I’ve ever been on. One person showed up on shrooms, a woman interrogated me about marriage and children within ten minutes of meeting, another seemed to be fabricating their entire life story on the spot… and more! There were good dates too, but soooo much bad.
hey, shrooms dates can be a way to get to know someone real quick, good or bad
I agree, you just should tell people first! Unsolicited story time:
We had been dating for a few weeks. She was smart, nice, and very fun. I really liked her and had decided to consider getting serious. I thought she had ghosted me for our dinner date, though, so I had left and was feeling sad. She called over an hour later to apologize profusely and beg me to come back, saying she’d explain and buy everything that night as apology.
What she didn’t mention was that she was going to alternate between incoherent rambling and staring, silent and unresponsive, into one corner of the cafe’s ceiling. I had no idea what was going on. I got ahold of her roommate, who said she had eaten a bunch of shrooms and walked to her friend’s house. I left after he arrived and I learned he was her roommate… and her boyfriend. Fun.
I went full no contact. Years later, we worked together briefly in graduate school, where she pretended not to know me despite having already told our lab mates we used to be friends. Super awkward, maybe mental problems.
Hmm, ty
no, that’s to disinterested HH
TY!
ohh, no that’s way too enthusiatic HH^H
Ty
Now that just looks like a name HH
Hey Grok, this person on the dating website said Hii \n Cool hair what should I send back? I want to sound slightly interested, but almost dismissive, like they need to prove that I’m worth their time, but so far I just said Hey
Grok: have you considered saying thank you?
eww, whole words? I’m not a geriatric
Grok: perhaps you could say ty
god, you’re not help, i already thought if that but i’m afraid it makes me sound too disinterested
Grok: Have you tried photoshopping their head onto a nude photo? I can help you…
god grok, you’re so useless, i’m just going to post tyyy, so it sounds like i’m saying thank yooooouuuu! like I mean it but in the least number of characters so it doesn’t sound like I mean it too much.
–probably
tyyy
…she even…she even opened
It is bumble. She has to start.
They changed that. Now no one texts ever.
It is from 2023. I don’t know when they changed what. But the last time I used it, women had to start the conversation but they could set a question to ask automatically, skipping the first message
Bumble was like “what a cool idea, I wonder why no one has done this before” and then they found out why
My experience was, about half just let the match time out, and most of the remaining half opened with something like “hey.”, or that gif of Monica from friends waving at you.
Also, a decent chunk of people had profiles on Tinder as well.
Only used one word sentences though.
Even funnier with the timestamps
9/11 of a conversation
Women are literally just people. Talk to them like you talk to other people.
Okay great, good stuff… Any tips for talking to other people?
Practice. Conversation is a skill like any other, you won’t be good at it until you work at it.
One dick pic coming up. Works on grindr. Dont worry, I always ask first.
Do they send u one too? Did either of you say, “Ty, but no thanks I don’t like the look of it?”
Sometimes, or an ass pic. Depends on context.
That’s the problem
But are they men? Have you seen gay dudes flirting? It ain’t the same. Sure, they’re people, what else would we all be? But they’re distinctively different from men.
they’re distinctively different from men.
They’re really not. Every person is different from every other person, but a woman is still just a person. And most people aren’t comfortable being treated like they’re different.
Be friendly and most people will also be friendly.
I mean on a base level of course you are right. But seriously? Men and women are very different when it comes to a crap ton of things.
I have many friends who are women, and a wife who is a woman, and none of them are significantly different for me to talk to than men. I don’t know what to tell you.
Sure there are cultural differences. Men are more likely to discuss some topics than women are, and vice versa. And there are stereotypical differences like women being more open with their feelings (though I’ve always been pretty open about my own as a man). We assign plenty of interests to specific genders, but there are always those who cross those lines.
I’ve always found that treating women essentially the same way I treat men has worked just fine.
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The most lesbian thing I have seen today.
As a straight dude, I know lots of straight dudes that are represented in this picture.
We all have our little problems. ❤️
