And don’t forget it was handcrafted by God to perfection.
There were no male horses or elephants?
Yes and I’m hungry. Fetch me a sandwich
“I’m literally made out of one of your bones! And you STILL can’t find it?”
*human penis
Only ones that matter
“Is it in?”
Eve invented wood working out of frustration.
It’s also the tightest pussy…
the biggest human penis on earth. maybe the Serpent was packing
Trouser snake?
Fumbles… it was always Fumbles.
Hadn’t ever really thought about a snake’s penis, until today.
That’s because it’s not a penis…
*Penises.
A hemipenis (pl.: hemipenes) is one of a pair of intromittent organs of male squamates (snakes and lizards).[1][2][3] Hemipenes are usually held inverted within the body, and are everted for reproduction via erectile tissue.
And its partner the hemiclitoris…
I coulda had a hemi
And, at least biblically speaking, there would have been horses somewhere around at the time.
Were there sheep as well?
“No. I said Adam and Eve, not Adam and Ewe!”
- God, probably
The Serpent actually was Adams penis and I have no idea where I’m going with this.
Neither did the drug addict who wrote Genesis
Hey now!
There were at least three drug addicts!
Hank…?
And they couldn’t dance.
The man, the way they walk!
The serpent did in fact tempt them with the idea of things they’d never experienced before
And led to the curse of painful childbirth.
But does the serpent eat you out, Eve?
Caine: well…
Lilith: Im stuck in a cave stepson.
“If Man is made in God’s image, does that mean God has a functioning penis?” is a fun question to ask biblical literalists.
According to the theology of some Christian denominations (I can’t remember which, exactly), the answer is yes.
Great, now im thinking about god’s hot juicy cock again
„again“? 😂
And if he does … why? What does he do with it? As the single existence in the universe before genesis. Its a sexual organ. Who/what does he have sex with? Does god masturbate all day?
Was that not what manna was in the Old Testament? Drops of “Oh Yeahway”?
God, can’t we PLEASE eat something else for once!?
“lol no look out here cums more”
As a God’s image, I know that he masturbates all day every day.
He has sex with Asherah. They crested other gods together.
Sound Old Testamenty?
Very close, she was a caananite goddess, which is where Israel/Palestine would be today. She was the consort of Yahweh historically, but very infrequently mentioned in the Tanakh. There are a lot of theories about her being edited out when judaism became a monotheistic religion. Not a lot of that supported in history, which obviously would happen if she was edited out and many of the previous copies were destroyed. Either way, fun conspiracy theory.
https://brewminate.com/asherah-ancient-canaanite-mother-goddess-consort-to-yahweh/
Can God create a penis so heavy he can’t lift it?
There’s a much better question to be asked about such a particular organ. :D
And the answer, for me (for humans), is no.
How do you think I got this hawg?
Image search “Yahweh and his Asherah”. Back when he was chill, Him and his best bud barely had a complete outfit between them. (Then his gf/sis ran off with his buddy, and the rest is human history /jk.)
And a bellybutton
Which implies that god was birthed
So, by whom?
A big fat giant turtle, man.
Careful of those elephants, though. They have a temper
Well, also the smallest.
And perfectly average! (At least that’s what she told him)
