Suckers gonna suck
if i fill her in will she respectfully become my gf ?
No, for that you have to fill her up.
Fill her up with love 🥺👉👈
Few squirts of liquid love
The sad thing is that some people will take this advice.
What’s sad about learning something new and getting laid?
I sincerely hope you’re /s ing.
Lol. I hoped that would be obvious.
Hi. Welcome to the Internet.
Have a look around 🎶
Kids these days don’t remember the internet before /s, where you had to use context to tell of someone was being sarcastic or not.
Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.
Certainly, m’lady!
And some woman will have a good laugh and a narrow escape
deleted by creator
It’s typo progressive for him. He’s the “your wife shouldn’t get wet” type.
Dont get her wet, don’t feed her after midnight. Hes very strict about rules for his wife.
deleted by creator
No relation.
That sounds like Strong Bad’s alter ego.
The Cheat is vacuuming.
The Cheat is ovulating.
Poe’s law
We all love some good ol’ mansplainimg.
I have a sudden urge to vacuum, and without ovaries! 😍
So you just like to suck then? ;)
Vacuuming? Are you ovulating or something?
This has to be satire.
It’s not. It’s from 2008 and the site is still posting weird shit now.
Here’s an archive of this particular tip, the others are cringe too. So are the comments
Edit: there was a dating tips newsletter too
I thought so too until I went to the website and I still couldn’t tell :/
There’s lots of really fucking stupid people out there so who knows.
I am once again asking lemmy users to check what community they’re in before commenting
I understand the user is using this as a shitpost but that doesn’t mean the original content was for sure satire. It could also just be written by an idiot. Shitposts and idiot generated content are not mutually exclusive.
You can’t really expect consciousness from straight cis men.
A bit of sexism, wouldn’t be funny otherwise, right?
Yeah thats absolutely what that is. You’re so good at reading.
It’s not. This has worked on me four times.
There’s no way that last sentence especially isn’t satire
I do all the vacuuming here.
Considering neither me nor the wifey are fertile, I think this is easily debunked and closed, then label as “incel drivel” and thrown into the fire.
Username is definitely relevant. :)
I would consider your comment to be far more truthful and accurate than what is pictured in the OP.
Have a good day.
Sounds condescending. Why not just compliment her ovipositor?
Madam, my compliments to your ovaries 🎩💪🏼🥚🙇
My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.
Pretty sure that’s my first gag-upvote. Thanks, I guess.
Why, thank you, I’ve just been to the remora. And might I say what a stable dorsal fin you have.
Community Note: This is actually bad advice that will get you stabbed
Can confirm, was stabbed.
You’re right, and I find it hilarious that this needs to be noted.
Yes, please do that. So we are immediately aware that we should get away as fast as possible.
This must be why the site is still in Beta
I’m surprised they fought the urge to stay alpha forever
This is like when you teach someone that a swear is a greeting in a foreign language
🖕 peace among worlds!
- Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman sexually
- Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman financially
- Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman bureaucratically
- Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman maliciously
- Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman abstractly
bureaucratically
Please complete forn 69-J (in triplicate) if you’d like to grab dinner.
Sex has to be announced 2 weeks prior using the relevant form.
69-J?
Did you fill out and submit duplicates of your Unsubtle Innuendo Requisition Request Form?
You definitely need to get Permit A 38 first.
You know what, I think I’ll file my taxes instead.
Oh. Can I see the abstractly list?
Sounds fun
I was also curious about the abstractly. Release the list.
release the abstractly files
I want to know how to maliciously flirt. Hey sexy, want to come to my place and stick your fingers in the power outlet?
Negging, maybe?
“Damn, you vacuum so well… for an ovulating female.”
That kind of thing.
I found this one.
1. Assume interesting shapes
Hard to understand geometry can inspire curiosity. Intrigue her by adding more complexity to your configuration!
2. Playfully interact with her as different people
Hate to break it to you, guys, but not having a personality isn’t going to impress anyone. What will impress a lot of people is having 7, 8 or 9 different personalities that come and go as the mood changes.
3. Get close!
Close bonds often reflect a close geography, so try to be in the same room she’s in as much as possible. If she wanders into the kitchen for a soda, wander in yourself to wash your hands. If she’s talking to a friend in the hallway, talk to a different friend in the same hallway.
4. Be funny
Comedy can be extrapolated from this base formula:
P = ¬P
Such an expression being true would require the dissolution of all fundamental axioms of logic and reason, and is therefore funny. Try explaining this to her.
5. Be mysterious
Nothing is more sexy than a masked man of mystery. Show her how mysterious you are by playing ominous sounds while describing a job you don’t know you have, and people you don’t remember speaking to!
6. Be
The best way to make yourself available to a woman is to have an existential presence in our natural world.
7. Share the things you have in common
Impress her by ovulating with her!
8. Don’t be afraid to be saucy
Demonstrate your wild side by flopping about or rubbing against nearby objects and furniture.
But don’t get carried away. Being too floppy can be off-putting. Try to match her level of floppiness.
9. Gifts make the heart grow fonder
Gifts are a great way to establish a connection and to show how much you care. Try giving her the gift of self-love, or the depth of pure sadness. You could also teach her to be less co-dependent!
10. Try MDMA!
Ecstacy looks really weird in movies. This could be a great way to experience something new together!
You probably saved the whole date/relationship right at the end there.
Tell her “three yellow squares in a row, and beneath them a big purple circle.” Next thing you know, you’re being passionately shagged.
Shagged or stabbed?
For some, there’s little difference.
