Ok, since the solution to this problem hasn’t been provided in this thread, here it is:
Start calculating the fibonacci sequence in your head once you can start to pee: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, etc…
The reason why this works is because the calculations use the exact same part of the brain that also causes pee anxiety. Just gove it a try, it works incredibly well. Usually I have a solid flow before I get to 34 and I’ve been using this technique for years so I go through the sequence quite quickly.
Just try it and judge for yourself.
This reminds me of one night where a group of friends went out drinking. Just before we were going to leave the pub to go to one further down the road one friend said he needed to take a piss. It triggered something in a bunch of us as most of us realised we needed to go.
The toilets were really busy; that situation where you’re pissing in what is basically a trough with your elbows touching the elbows of other guys next to you. Immediately on trying to go it just wasn’t happening. I stood awkwardly for about a minute, zipped up, washed my hands and went outside.
Everyone gathered round and we started walking. We were walking in silence for about a minute when one guy said “Did anyone else manage to actually pee?” To which loads of us burst out laughing. Turns out we all did the same thing, even though we needed to pee, we all failed to do so.
One time I was in line to piss before watching a Mastodon concert, and I really had to piss, and I stood in line with like 50 dudes waiting for ye olde washroom, and there was like two urinals and a stall. Well fuck me the stall was taken, so not wanting to be a rude dick to every other dude in line I tried to use the urinal. So I whipped out mah johnson, and it was pretty much like the comic, got pee shy, held it for like 30 I don’t know 45 seconds or something. Nothing. I’m like looking over my shoulder at this massive line of of dudes behind me. Fuck. So I just pretended to shake it, shoved it back into my pants and was miserable having to piss the whole Mastodon set.
I fucking hate having to piss in public around people. It’s so terrible.
That’s a real group of bros
More like a group of betas!
Douchebag.
Which of the male influencers you follow taught you this?
Created an account just for this comment huh?
Probably evading a ban
No one is more beta than the guy calling others a beta.
My pee smells like shit, and my shit sounds like pee.
Would you prefer to hold it for me?
I used to have this problem, but I somehow got over it by imagining to piss in the face of the queen of England. Something about unloading in her face while she’s sitting there all prissy like makes me laugh which relaxes my muscles enough to piss.
Are you Irish, by any chance?
Nope I’m Dutch .
Also y’all think I’m joking but I’m dead serious
No one would ever joke about being Dutch.
So why not think about the king of the Netherlands/Belgium?
One of those comments that comes like a slap in the face with a hand full of cold water, in the morning
So thankful the internet still says infinitely more hilarious and baffling things on a daily basis than AI could ever manage.
Why do you think this couldn’t have been written by AI?
I tried this, but got a boner instead
This is what I stay on Lemmy for
The Queen and peeing reminds me of this
You think someone will follow a youtube link in the context of peeing on the queen’s face?
Who wouldn’t?
Absolute cinema
But what do you do now that there’s no queen?
Obviously the answer is to imagine Margaret Thatcher
Baseball, cold showers, baseball, cold showers.
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
Jesus, they want to relax not to crack the porcelain.
Or…Musk, trump, clammy sam Altman and Wario amadim, Stephen Miller, Pete hegseth, 5/7 supreme Court justices, the Palantir creep, Jenson, jensons fucking jacket, that lying fucking cunt at the white House that always wears a stupid little fucking cross, all the other lying fucking cunts at the white House… Howard fucking lutnik, bibi, Putin,
…this is a fun list! Who else did I miss?
Jk Rowling, Andrew taint, the Kardashians, the Logan brothers and Mr Beast…
Who else?
Clive Palmer and Rupert Murdoch
Peter Thiel, Larry Ellison, the Indian dude constantly setting off my Microsoft Authenticator
Thank you very much for sharing
This is how I’m going to potty train my children. I’m sure it will work out fine.
Keep em’ away from posh elderly ladies otherwise there’s gonna be lawsuits out the wazzoo.
I don’t think this will help me, but thanks for the laugh
What is opposite of this image/gif? That’s how I feel rn
In the end she’ll be sitting there all pissy.
That’s Neil Kohney! Can recognize them testicular chins anywhere.
“you wanna hold it next?”
that guy looks like the dad from cloudy with a chance of meatballs lol
I sit down when I pee. There nothin that crazy bout me.
You’re sitting down but You’re not making brown?
This guy gets it
In the urinal? Like, facing forwards?
Like planking face down
sidesaddle, like a prim and proper lady, all shipshape and bristol fashion
I’ve got this trick. Basically, I start relaxing the muscles on the way to the restroom. Not enough that there’s any chance I’ll piss myself before I get there. Just enough that by the time I’m in front of the urinal, it’s not difficult to start the stream quickly.
There was this one time I felt kindof bad about. went to the restroom where I worked (back before I was working remotely) and used “the trick” as usual. I get there, and there’s a guy at one of the urinals already. I peed, flushed, washed my hands, and left the restroom before he produced a drop.
Of course, in all likelihood, “the trick” won’t continue to work so well as my beard grows grayer, and some day I’ll be the other guy.
No thinking of waterfalls?
Honestly, leaving ultra quickly is the kindest thing you can do if he’s struggling.
The solution to this problem is simple: Just don’t use a public bathroom… the world is a giant, enormous shitter with endless and diverse opportunities to more or less hide behind something and let it flow.
Why let yourself be trapped and domesticated? Your Dick wants FREEDOM!
I always thought this comic was upvotes because the absurdity of it is funny, not because it’s a thing that people are actually anxious about and therefore relate to.
Oh it’s definitely a thing which makes it funnier on top of the absurdity.
one day you’re the dude with the hair, then you grow a mustache or something idk how this universe’s power scaling works
Imagine me opening Lemmy during my pre movie piss at the urinal only to see this. I hate how accurate this is, but it’s amazing. I get nervous pee sooooo bad. It’s like everything just freezes up lmao.
Just vocalise your internal monologue like you’re on dragon ball z and then start making sounds like you’re powering up your ki in your bladder and then blast the porcelain with a urine beam!
Imagine not looking at your phone while pissing in a public bathroom.
So that’s why there’s so much piss on the floor
So what? Everyone needs to be held once in a while, including my weener. It’s very comforting.
I solved my issues with urinals by simply removing my ability to use a urinal.
This for some reason reminds me of when my friend in elementary had a thorn in their finger and their genious idea was, and I’m not even joking (somehow), “if my finger is hurting, wouldn’t removing the finger also remove the hurting since in order for my finger to hurt, I need a finger”, which while true, they not only failed to see how that the long term not-having-a-finger may not be a good trade off for the short term lack of hurt, but also the fact that removing a finger ALSO HURTS and a lot more at that!!! (they were stopped from acting on the brilliant idea ofc)
And yes, that is one of my still closest friends, and yes, they are the factually smartest person I know including my former college professors…
which while true
Actually, from what I’ve heard from amputees, that’s not true at all.
I mean, yeah, phantom pain is a thing, but a 7yo me didn’t know that tbf :P
This makes me think about when women talk about going into the bathroom and casually chatting, and don’t understand why guys don’t do the same.
The feeling inside a bathroom is fundamentally different depending on the door sign. I kinda wonder if there’s a culture shock for trans people.
As a trans guy, I prefer male bathroom culture. I want to do my business and get the fuck out. It was so weird in high school to hang out in the girls restroom and being expected to socialize while trying to shit.
I guess the cultural difference is that women sometimes might need to ask each other for a tampon or something, while men are terrified of being thought to be gay. Have to make absolutely sure you aren’t even getting a side eye at another guys dick.
As a dude, we totally chat and have business talks while peeing together between meetings, nothing awkward at all. We just have a look to make sure all the stalls are empty and that we are free to speak about anything confidential. Edit: typo
