Op had a really bad relationship
Never recovered at least thus far anyway
Honestly I get it, I’ve been single for 11 years now. I went through a series of toxic relationships and the last one broke me. After her I decided to take a break from dating a try to figure out why I kept attracting only toxic women.
It’s been 11 years and I still haven’t figured it out, and now I’m in my 40’s and don’t really want to date again. What I’m trying to say is, take some time, heal, get your head straight, but get back out there sooner than later. It’s easy to fall into the “I’m happier single” mindset, but difficult to get out of.
It can be (just a wild guess) that you aren’t looking for a friend first, and then evaluating what would happen if you fucked a lot and lived together. When you go from the other end, things tend to end up damaging. You’re gameable, so it’s not only random at that point, but many will use you. (this goes the same for both (s)exes)
There were 5 that were toxic, the first one was a casual friend I ended up getting close with and started dating before we ever had sex. The next two were casual hookup partners that evolved into relationships, the fourth was actually a friend I had had since highschool and only started dating 15 years after graduation, and the fifth and final one was again a casual hookup that turned serious.
I admit as I wrote that out I saw the issue. In defense of the fourth one, she had some issues with her childhood, and the father of her children was … let’s just say not helping. We’ve reconnected after some time and are still friends, but agreed dating was a bad idea.
Well I’d admit that it seems like you unlocked the hot dad dating scene, go out and get them! You just keep in mind that you are gameable, and don’t eat your waffle without looking under the hood so to speak
LoL, two words I would not use to describe myself, hot and dad. Though I admit at this point in my life it is difficult to find someone who doesn’t have children. Yeah I know I’m gameable, that’s probably something that subconsciously is holding me back. I know that when I fall for someone, I fall hard. It’s not “thinking with the wrong head” it’s thinking “don’t screw this up because you’ll be alone forever”. Maybe now that I’m comfortable being alone I can be a bit more relaxed in a relationship.
Probably. I have never fallen softly, so I don’t think that’s the issue :) You need to be yourself to see if the other likes your real self, which I know is a saying that you hear too often but it’s like when you get insight and understand it from your own perspective that it makes a difference. If you feel great alone, let someone into that, instead of diving into someone else’s world and abandoning everything in the name of agreeableness. It’s just my experience and may not be the same for you. But let me tell you many adore hot dads and you don’t need kids to be one :P
I really think it’s environmental that will get you bounce back. And if you’re in a pattern, break the pattern. Because once you change your environment, you will change yourself. To be honest, changing your environment is the only way to change yourself in my opinion. But there are realities to working class lives. And in a way, indirectly and hidden from plain sight, our freedom of movement is dictated by our ability to acquire capital. Like the children are only given a certain amount of calories in Gaza. “Put them on a diet” It gives the impression that the oppressors are merciful while at the same time, it kneecaps the liberation struggle. They do this to US in the workplace. They pay us enough to just get by. The whole life is dictated by our ability to just live in their obscure company town. Yet, there are still prison breaks, and there is hope that one day something will change, and if you make the right decisions, you can escape your fate to some degree. I just think about the allegory of the cave. I won’t be going back into that fucking cave. Fuck the self oppressor aka the coward. They didn’t listen before. Why would they listen now? It’s pearls before swine. I will not internalize the slave mind and the guilt of all those that stare at the dancing shadows on the wall. I will avoid the witch hunt by not being seen. Justice is always served. Thank God all men die. Ps. You also might be living in a toxic culture. Starting a family in, say, like America, to me just seems socially irresponsible. If I lived in the wild like humans used to, I would work with a collective of people and we would build a community where we could withstand the peaks and valleys of uncertainty, in line with natural law. There would be no patriarchy. Born out of necessity in union with nature.
at least thus far
You can do it!
Or don’t. Whatever life you want to live is fine. I’m not here to kink shame.
Damn I’m sorry to hear that.
Dated a string of people who didn’t deserve my trust, so I know that gut-wrenching feeling all too well. Life is more peaceful without it.
They always talk about wading through a bunch of weeds or whatever but hey, I get it, no one has that kind of time anymore to wade through a bunch of assholes to find the fhe one decent person anymore. Life gets short. It can become the kind of noise and drama you just don’t want to mar up your life with.
Out of the plethora of coffee dates from the online apps I’d say there were approx 90% of the people on there that really shouldn’t be dating others and should be in some sort of counselling or just straight up scammers. Several hadn’t been in any relationship that lasted more than 6 months for a good reason.
Even in the last 10% maybe there was no chemistry but I did make some friends. One I’m still good friends with even today since Covid times.
It took about 3 yrs to find someone worth dating with chemistry. Like seriously it’s like friggin career training these days.
I’ve had a lot of painful relationships so i understand. It takes time, especially if you get burnt. It’s still good to find someone nice who will eventually become your one.
I wish I could hang out there with Fenriz
Jesus? Fucker! Wake up man! We need you! What you need a suit or cape or something? Get the heck up and start busting racist assholes! I would totally start with a little afganese testicle removal… But in godly excruciating slow motion. With an old, dirty, dull wooden roof shingle. Maybe add ghost pepper to the shingle in lemon juice, vinegar and alcohol mix.
idk, looking at nature while making out sloppy style seems pretty good to me ngl
Never experienced it, my wife said she felt too dirty to do fun times in the woods, guess i need to find different women
A wild Fenriz meme
If your relationships involve a “gut wrenching feeling 24/7” you might have other problems
“It’s just a matter of time before she discovers I’m only an emergency hologram…”
Clearly a euphemism for anal sex. Once or twice a day is fine, but 24/7 is far too much. I’d also be hiding in nature at that point
Problem, preference, or orientation. It’s impossible to tell.
People just seem to use me and I have trust issues
To be honest, it’s really hard to find somebody who is actually self-aware and empathetic. I mean, people talk the talk, but it seems like they’re not affected by things. I really do enjoy solitude and I’m not a lonely person really. Like, I would like to experience a full human life, but that’s not going to happen in this late stage techno feudal imperialism. What I’m saying is, the criteria for nonsense and bullshit is slowly becoming less tolerant on my end. Like, I would want somebody attractive, but I would choose the uglier person if they had a brain. I’m just keeping it real. Like in this world of billionaire nonsense where we’re bounced around like ping pong balls living inside of containers of bullshit are you able to see what actual human animal existence is really .can you put the modern world on pause and be a human being? Our lives are meaningless bullshit and people that infuriate me the most are those that are optimistic. Yet, if you got to know me, you would realize that I’m incredibly optimistic. But like all things are affected by their environment. For I am a product of my environment. Because you know, there is no war but the class war.
Happily single is how I describe it. Still got my kids and they are grown. No one has to put up with me and I don’t have to take shit from anyone in my personal life.
We’ve lost the plot if going outside is edgy
You can go outside while being in a relationship
The edgy part is posting this instead of not caring
My wife would just complain when we went camping but would also complain when i went alone for too many days
Sounds like she was the problem not the camping
Also when you are in nature people just keep talking so you never actually get the full experience
Again, sounds like a her problem
You can be in a relationship and go sit in the woods alone. It’s not a big deal
Imagine thinking enjoying solitude is edgy
That’s not the edgy part
If you’re referring to “gut wrenching feeling”, then that’s still part of solitude as some people simply enjoy being alone to the point having someone around is a gut wrenching feeling
You can still be alone when you’re in a relationship
The edgy part is posting this and the notion of looking down on people in a relationship as if going outside by yourself isn’t something anyone can do
It’s a shitpost my dude
yo Fenriz my man, wake up, you’re on Lemmy !
jokes on you I have a gut wrenching feeling from being single
Same… pushing 31 and nada… fml
Nah, your life is cool anyway
GYLVE
Relatable. I’ve accepted I may never fall in love again.
