I wipe homeopathically.
0.5 mm² gently applied at the top of my crack for a nice even dispersal.
I wipe homo pathetically, I’ll leave the details to your imagination.
0.5 mm²of what? 0.5 MM² OF WHAT??
Well, in homeopathy, like cures like, so probably more shit.
Use a bidet, I find whenever I have a burning, the bidet does it.
The blood is likely from a popped hemroid
Moving to Finland was the best thing for my my butt. So clean.
Why use toilet paper when bidet shower exists?
Yes. You just use this to blast water into your colon until it’s sparkling clean inside. I love it.
It’s normally just for the outside, but I like how you think…
Well if you’re shoving the show head past your anus and rectum into your colon, I think you might have been misinformed on the proper use of bidet showers.
I just wash the outside. Seems much easier and more efficient in terms of hygiene.
Obviously, a bidet is the best way to have a clean butt, but baby wipes are a good compromise when in public bathrooms, they clean much better than dry toilet paper. Or wash on the side of the bathtub.
Don’t flush them no matter what the packaging says, though.
How fucking strong is your toilet that you could flush an entire bidet down it?
Americans don’t get much fiber so the toilets have to be severely overbuilt.
This is true, my American uncle once flushed an F150 to save on towing costs after one of the con rods made a window in the block
I am adding “made a window in the block” to my lexicon. Thank you.
They aren’t. That’s why you shouldn’t flush one!
Anon needs to eat more fiber
and probably a shave
Funny how there’s always a completely moot discussion about wiping techniques or bidets when the real issue with people having to wipe 20 times is almost always diet.
If you think that’s bullshit go ahead and buy a small (for testing) pack of psyllium husk, consume two table spoons a day (in water or on top of a meal) and witness yourself becoming One-Sheet-Shane on the throne in 3 days.
Psyllium Husk tastes like dirt, try Inulin instead. It’s basically tasteless and does the exact same thing.
witness yourself becoming One-Sheet-Shane on the throne in 3 days.
<afterChipotlewayComercial>
¡Not everybody’s got a Golden Asshole, Kyle!
Honestly, being constipated has always been good for not having a messy ass. It’s being regular or having diarrhea that is messy.
Eh I find truly regular isnt that messy. Its the liquid or liquids mixed with gas that get messy. True regular just slides out, sometimes so easily there isn’t even anything visible on a sheet after the first wipe.
Bidet.
I gave up on reddit years ago but whenever someone posts about bidets it reminds me of my favorite reddit exchange
Someone posted asking why americans don’t use bidets. I commented, saying “am american, use bidet. Love it, shits tight”
Eventually a reply came from a confused esl person asking me if I had a constipation problem because they didn’t understand the colloquialism “shits tight”
I think about that exchange more often than I should
they didn’t understand the colloquialism “shits tight”
¡Duce’s Loose!
<wavesPinkyAndThumbInTheShaka>
I mean a bidet would help with tight shit as well.
A bidet is a miracle device, helps in any and all situations. Diarrhea? Solved. Constipation? Solved. Regular? Surprisingly, solved. Wanna do the front too? Can be a bit awkward but it’s got you covered (in water, of course). Washing the throne? Solved. Basic calculus? Solved. Advanced calculus? Believe it or not, solved. Taxes? Avoided. Marriage counseling? Ever since I got my bidet my wife says my “stench is less appalling”. Solved, baby. I even use it to water the garden and defend my house from intruders.
Cannot recommend enough.
Neti pot? Solved!
Would require good water pressure. Although that’s a careful balancing act because you can go too far the other way. Then that’s an embarrassing hospital visit.
Doubtful. I have never heard of residential water pressure high enough to do any damage.
gang 🤞
Joe Bidet?
My house has four bathrooms and three bidets. My teenage son just won’t get on board with having a clean ass.
Maybe he has a sensitive ass.
It’s gentler than tp
Maybe he thinks touching his butthole would make him gay and a bidet would force him to wipe.
I wonder if OP forgot to fold the TP or use a new clean bunch and is just wiping their ass over and over with their own shit.
After the fourth wipe it starts falling apart.
I love how Aubrey breaks before Chris says anything past his first line
It’s that delay, he held the next line back. Such great comedic timing!
This was when Chris Pratt was at his peak.
He sucks now. He was AMAZING in Parks and Rec.
Bumbling buffoonery is his niche. He’s not a leading man, action hero, regardless of how many roles they shoehorn him into.
I also like that he goes by “CP”. Very cool.
You like CP?
Parks and Rec is such a great show.
Bidet is the way, for sure. Butt if you don’t have access to that, and you are unfortunately enough to have a messy shit, I suggest spitting on the toilet paper (and give it an extra fold so that it doesn’t tear).
A one night stand told me she does this after admiring my bidet. I found it very animalistic. Haven’t tried this method, but now that you’ve reminded me I’ll give it a go the next time I’m forced to use a public restroom.
Most bathrooms have sinks, you can just wet some toilet paper if there’s no bidet.
Sure, I’ll just wave hi to the folks at the urinals as I waddle over to the sink with my shit caked ass.
Hawk tuah
FFS get some technique. You use 3 squares folded over and do a pinch. You then use 2 squares folded for a second pinch. The last is two squares folded for a wipe, then folded again for the last clean up wipe. Yes, bidet is better but you’re gonna have to poo in a public restroom at some point. This isn’t rocket surgery, people. Get it together
Yeah, this is simply a skill issue.
Fwiw, there are portable “bidets”
They aren’t exactly a proper bidet, they’re just bottles with a nozzle. Some of them you can’t even carry the water in it, you have to be able to access water where you’re going (so, not great for camping usually, or portajohns).
But they do a decent job for the most part. Enough to at least reduce how much wiping is needed.
First vacation I went on after having a bidet for a couple years, I was miserable. My asshole had apparently lost its callouses and it bled and felt downright on fire for the second half of the trip. Now I never travel without my portable bidet. It does an impressively good job!
Culo clean is a lid you put on a normal plastic bottle, great for traveling.
Now, THIS is min-maxing!
Bidet is the obvious way to do it right. Japanese toilet second, but if you can-t go at home, at least use moist TP towelettes, and don-t flush them! Throw them in the waste bin!
This is entirely why I’ve become dependent on flushable wipes. Any combination of wet and dry toilet paper still takes forever to wipe properly and leaves my ass feeling sore whereas wipes always just takes one or two to completely get the job done. Idk if I have a sensitive ass or just missed the lesson on how to wipe right, but it feels like flushable wipes are the only thing that works for me 🤷♀️
Unfortunately flushable wipes are not flushable. If you actually read on the packaging what they mean by flushable they just mean that they are saying it won’t clog your specific pipes.
however will not properly break down in the sewer and absolutely do still cause giant clogs that sewer workers have to manually tear apart. Which I mean makes sense just think about it a wet wipe literally has to be wet from the moment it’s created and packaged while it sits in the store and after it gets to you and still be usable. It obviously doesn’t break down in water or else it would just be debris by the time you opened it.
Save yourself some money and see where workers some stress get a bidet you can get really really nice super fancy ones that have heated seating heated water and a bunch of different stuff from Home Depot for like $300 or you can get one of the really cheap here is essentially just a spray head connected to water
Fair enough. Just be sure that the wipes really are “flushable”. I mean, you can flush basically anything - but most things are bad for your plumbing and for the wider sewage system. My understanding is that if the wipe doesn’t break apart easily when it is wet, then it is not suitable for flushing.
In Australia, I noticed a heap of different ‘flushable’ wipe products vanished after new regulations were introduced. Actually, I don’t recall see any such products at all recently.
‘flushable’ wipes aren’t flushable bro
Second verse, same as the first. Flushable wipes aren’t flushable, but I also completely agree with you that they’re the only wiping tech that works!
Bidet at home, and I carry a small pack of flushable wipes in the vehicles. If I have an issue and must use a public restroom (avoid at all costs, because ew) I take the pack of wipes and a small bag with me into the restroom. Throw the used wipe in the bag, throw it away when done. The bags come from a roll of those bags you use to pick up dog poop. Hell, when we were in Mexico, all the restrooms, including at the hotel, had signs saying not to flush regular toilet paper, to throw it away. Not such a stretch after that! Lol
Bro, you’re supposed to use a NEW piece to wipe each time
Protip: You wipe after you completely finish shitting, not the entire time you’re shitting.
Speak for yourself. Some of us can poop in parallel.
Basic maintenance. Trim your asshole and put some lotion up there.
Spread your cheeks when you shit and if its bad really get up in there the first couple swipes. Also eat more fiber
I get all my wipes out at the beginning of the month, that way I don’t have to waste time later on
Smart
The first week, friends still hang out.
The last 3 weeks Pepé le Pew is their only buddy.
Thanks for the shitty tip!
A shitty tip is when your partner didn’t wipe before anal
As a gay bottom (gottom™), your partner should be doing more than wiping before anal
Yes I know. It just doesn’t really work with the joke when you explain that they need to also use a nozzle / douche to clean out from the inside.
Everyone has a 3% chance at colon cancer and fibre supplements are a good way to reduce your chances
But then everyone doesn’t have a 3% chance 🤔 /s
No no, if your chances go down, someone else’s goes up. Sucks, but you gotta watch out for number one.
That’s not how averages or statistics work.
I guess lemmings are just as bad as redditors to notice sarcasm.
I think he knows
There seems to always be a thread about poop on 4chan
It’s the most intellectual activity they engage in.
4chan has always been filled with shitposters.
I believe you mean scatologists
And scat fetishists
