I think part of my hopelessness is that I am realizing hrt has not done anything to my face, I figured this out since I am still pretty recognizable. the only thing hrt has done for me is give me boobs, which usually results in hey dead name, you should loose some weight when i am recognized in public. I just feel hopeless and I want this nightmare to end.
Oh that sounds so frustrating. I’m really sorry you have to deal with assholes like that. I’m trying to learn to love my body rn and it’s just so difficult so I feel for ya. i hope you feel better soon <3
I think you need to come out to those people. It’s scary, and in the immediate-term very bad, but after that… you get recognition. Not being recognized as yourself suuuuucks.
This helped my friend so much. She finally told me and a few other people what was going on, and we all kind of went “oh, (dead name), wait. No. What’s your new/real/we don’t know what to say name?”, and we had a conversation about it all.
facial feminization surgery can be very effective but it costs money (like many quality of life things)
I have some experience in this area. Here is my advice. Get laser for any facial hair. Learn how to do makeup(esp if you are worried about jawline, etc) and dress for your body. Practice yoga and mindfulness. Find a supportive female/trans friend to help you grow and give you criticism on your look.
I’m really sorry to hear you’re feeling so hopeless right now, Sky. I don’t have much knowledge in this area, but I sympathize with your story a lot. It seems to me that chronic felt hopelessness could hinder one’s transition, by negatively affecting motivation to present in a way that will make you feel good, increasing sensitivity to misgendering, and a tendency to see one’s whole transition as negative. I hope you have someone, like a counsellor, you can talk to about how you’re feeling. I feel like you might be stuck on ruminating about HRT not working as much as you’d hoped so far (and how unfortunate that is), rather than accepting that HRT did some things but not everything you wanted and that you can probably fill the gap to getting gendered correctly and feeling happy with your appearance through social and presentation steps. I’m sorry if that wasn’t helpful
It fucking blows but, honestly, I just never take off my KN95 mask in public… It seems to mostly keeps me from being misgendered (on top of also just being a good idea, of course). I’m never gonna afford FFS, and because of electrolysis I’m not even allowed to shave for like half of every week, so masks being socially acceptable has been a lifesaver for me in more ways than one. Would that help for you too?
Are you out to these people? I don’t know how long you’ve been on HRT, or at what age you started, but if you’ve been on HRT a bit there have to have been some changes.
It can be hard for people to notice differences, unless you point them out, and if you’re boymoding then people (not to be too assumptive, but I’m guessing your male friends?) probably won’t pick up on any feminine energy you’re radiating ;).
As for their comments about your weight, I’m so sorry that you have to hear that because it can be so discouraging during tough points in your life. That said, keeping with the assumption thess friends are men, keep in mind that a lot of male socialization revolves around the concept of the “burn,” and they might not be intending to be as hurtful as they are.
Taking my experiences coming out as bisexual (and trans, to some people) into consideration, I believe that people can’t surprise you unless you give them a chance. Some will be as you expected, but you will always be surprised.
I hope your experience gets better soon, much love <3
the people who know you are not going to start addressing you differently unless you come out to them and they’re respectful.
