I think part of my hopelessness is that I am realizing hrt has not done anything to my face, I figured this out since I am still pretty recognizable. the only thing hrt has done for me is give me boobs, which usually results in hey dead name, you should loose some weight when i am recognized in public. I just feel hopeless and I want this nightmare to end.
I’m really sorry to hear you’re feeling so hopeless right now, Sky. I don’t have much knowledge in this area, but I sympathize with your story a lot. It seems to me that chronic felt hopelessness could hinder one’s transition, by negatively affecting motivation to present in a way that will make you feel good, increasing sensitivity to misgendering, and a tendency to see one’s whole transition as negative. I hope you have someone, like a counsellor, you can talk to about how you’re feeling. I feel like you might be stuck on ruminating about HRT not working as much as you’d hoped so far (and how unfortunate that is), rather than accepting that HRT did some things but not everything you wanted and that you can probably fill the gap to getting gendered correctly and feeling happy with your appearance through social and presentation steps. I’m sorry if that wasn’t helpful