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- cross-posted to:
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dragons befriends crows that bring them the gold
This is how Old Money stays rich IRL too.
Then they curl up and sleep on a pile of their own shit? Im not disagreeing, I’m just a little shocked.
If your shit was shiny and didn’t smell, you might use it for nesting material as well.
Even if it doesn’t smell, a pile of metal is not at all going to be comfortable.
Where do I find the dragon who poops memory foam?
Sand is fairly comfortable for humans even though it’s made of small rocks, which are harder than metal. Compared to a dragon’s size, it might be just fine. Maybe a bit cold when you’re storing it in a mountain cave, but that might not matter for a creature that supposedly breathes fire.
Perhaps you should grow some scales instead of the easily bruisable skin you are currently sporting.
A grass fed dragon might be your best bet for a somewhat comfortable pillow, since there’ll be connective fibers with a somewhat pleasing smell in the mix. And maybe the dragons digestive system will be bad at absorbing and processing the stuff.
I mean, don’t presume my nesting material doesn’t smell awful, because it does.
It doesn’t smell but it’s far from soft!
Dont lizards typically rest on bare rocks?
Ok there are bad news. Your theory makes a lot of sense when we just evaluate input and output of a dragons den. The problem is that gold is atomically more stable (Au: B/A=7.936 MeV) than carbon (C: B/A=7.468 MeV). That means that you have to explain a huge amount of energy this process consumes. This is alongside the energy that the dragon uses to live and even wastes in the whole fire spitting situation.
The fire spitting is extra. And where do you think he gets it from? Magic. And magic can ignore other physical rules too, so why should it stop at energy-conservation?
The fire spitting isn’t a waste, the dragon (s)melts and eats rock to create/enlarge its lair. Not sure how those minerals affect your chemistry.
When you eat herds of cows you get enough energy to fuse gold.
Fusing your waste to gold has the evolutionary advantage of not causing any pollution around your home.
Their GI tract is very slow and live live a very long time. They shit like a parking meter, a nickel an hour.
Gold is a pure element, so that’s not a sound argument.
You see, each dragon’s digestive tract contains a magically miniaturized neutron star. When a cow carcass comes in contact with the star-stomach, it’s compressed into more neutronium, and the sudden addition of mass sets off a starquake that ejects hot atoms of gold and other valuable metals into the dragon’s conveniently coin-shaped colon, where it cools before exiting at the rear.
That’s probably how it works. I dunno, I’m not a dragonologist.
I reject the notion that a creature born with a magically miniaturized neutron star need calories.
Sooo we presume then that different food turns into jewels? What about magic items, do the items go in mundane and come out magic?
That’s all left behind by the adventurers trying to steal the gold. But the vast majority of the hoard is always gold.
See, I was thinking that dragons were eating adventurers and pooping the gold they carried. …but then I realized that they’d also be pooping swords and whatnot. I reread the meme and it didn’t mention the rest of a dragon’s hoard (etc doesn’t count). Then I started wondering about the digestive system of dragons. So I’m sure you can see how these mindless memes can lead to a conversation.
I think dragons can digest iron and bronze, but gold being a noble metal doesn’t react with their stomach acids, so they poop it out intact
Ok, no. I’m calling bullshit on two fronts:
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If a dragon is hungry, it’s eating the cow right there. So you’re not gonna see a dragon carrying a cow in the first place. If it has babies too young to hunt, it’s puking it up for them.
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How do you think a dragon would carry gold coins? Clamped in their claws as they fly?? No, dummy, they’d hold it in their gullet and spit it out in the pile. So no duh you’ve never seen one carrying gold. Humans don’t have x-ray vision.
When I’m hungry I don’t eat the hotpockets right there in the grocery store
I do
Granted, not anymore, as they don’t allow me into the store
Well yeah, but the dragon isn’t picking up a prepackaged frozen cow from the grocery store either
Would you eat a strawberry if you found a strawberry bush?
No, I don’t trust outside food without washing it first.
I also don’t eat food at the grocery store, but I see other people do it.
Eating a cow in the open field you found it in is just asking for some passing knight to come vanquish you. Better to bring it back to your own table to feast.
Alright you’ve got me there
But if a dragon’s lair was anything like mine, they’d be stocking up on creatures from the frozen north and using that fire breath to reheat them later
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I’m not a murder hobo, I’m just the plumber
This is a lie. All the dragons I know keep geese around.
Literally their ass coins
Dragons acquired their hoards by threatening to terrorize local villages if they didn’t pay its “Won’t Burninate Your Thatched Roof Cottages” tax.
That sounds ridiculous. Do you know how complicated that would be biologically? Completely unrealistic.
Hey, I just wanted to stop by and make sure you know that dragons aren’t actually real and never existed on this planet.
I don’t like your attitude.
Magic nuclear bio-fusion machine. Why do you think they breath fire?
I mean - the fire ones do I have on-board smelters
Dragons are powered by tiny fusion engines confirmed.
This could be an interesting story where the heroes find out the dragon is imprisoned and being farmed for its gold poop and decide to rescue it.
Imprisoned by an evil princess of course!
And to keep it from trusting potential saviours, she sends out cries for help that include “slay the dragon keeping me captive” so that the dragon gets used to attacking heroes on sight instead of talking it out so they understand that’s going on.
“Daddy’s kingdom was failing and I refuse to lower my living standards, so I found a solution.”
And now the world economy is in ruins because the force feeding of oats and laxative to dragons on an industrial scale tanked the value of gold
