Hi

Girls, Im not doing great. Ive been out of a relationship for a nearly 4 months. Not long but the tail end of the relationship looked very much more like a friendship with no affection. We decided to just be friends, and that has worked out quite well.

However I really need a long long hug. I dealt with a lot of loneliness like this before my relationship, and honestly the only thing I could think of was how cool it would be to just get hugged. No sex, no kisses. Just a hug.

A lot of the methods like plushies and stuff do work a little, but it maybe fills 10% of what I need.

I worry about this, since it pulls me towards looking for a relationship when I know I am not ready. It was like that last time tbh, and I was just lucky to find someone so nice. Im worried I wouldnt this time but because im so lonely and touch starved i would just deal with it.

I wish I could ask my friends not just for a hug, but like a full on cuddle. But theyre either in relationships so that would be considered cheating, or they would consider my request as me being interested romantically.

Sorry for another negative post. Most days arent great atm. Its hard to not spiral all the time. Yesterday was ok, it was nice seeing people comment on my outfit being cute. It was nice to feel comfortable in my body.

Ill try to be more positive.

Thanks for reading.

-Minty

  • Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    2 days ago

    Big fluffy ginger cat. I have a Maine coon Norwegian forest cat cross and the giant fur ball is very affectionate. She even enjoys belly rubs without kicking off. Although if I don’t actively pet her, she’ll sometimes give me a little nip to see if I’m ready to eat yet.

  • Jarix@lemmy.worldEnglish
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    3 days ago

    On the off chance you are planning to be near Vancouver for the upcoming ski season(lots of Aussies seem to work the local resorts) ill be happy to meet up and give you a hug. Got a lot of nerds and geeks here that would be happy to hang out with you as well if you are are also of that persuasion…

    Unlikely i know but offer is open if needed.

    Also there’s a small queer positive modern rock internet community at https://www.rockisdeadradio.co.uk/ the discord is small but full of support and allies. Runs out of Victoria BC Canada

    Hugs and take care

  • Vivian@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
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    3 days ago

    Awww well I wish I was there so I could give you platonic cuddles and hugs meowmeow

    I’ve felt touch starved a lot in my life so I know what it’s like 🫶

  • Miisha ♀️@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
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    3 days ago

    Minty! I’m so sorry to hear that, girl 🫂

    I see nothing wrong with cuddling platonically, even in a relationship, but that’s just me. Hell, I’d cuddle with you platonically, and I’m in a relationship.

    I’m sorry, I’m not actually there…but I can still send virtual hugs.
    loong hug

    Hang in there girlie. It’ll get better 💜

  • mika june [she|her]@piefed.blahaj.zoneEnglish
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    3 days ago

    i definitely understand how hard being touch starved can be. i wish you nothing but the best and a (hopefully near) future full of hugs and cuddles. for now… loooooong hug

  • chaos@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
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    3 days ago

    Do your friends (or their partners) consider cuddling cheating? I’ve cuddled with friends in relationships, it really depends on what they think about it!

    • minty@aussie.zoneOPEnglish
      0·
      3 days ago

      I have never discussed it directly, I just have the feeling cuddling is not something you do with friends, and its reserved for relationships. I don’t like that being the case of course. I have never heard anyone talk about platonic cuddling outside online spaces.

  • Cris_Citrus (he/him <3)@piefed.zipEnglish
    0·
    3 days ago

    I give my fiends a hug every time I see them. When I go visit my lesbian friends I hug the friend I’m closer with when I first see her, and then go to their bedroom where the other is usually at and offer her a hug too, which she generally gladly accepts

    Lots of people also cuddle with friends. It just kinda depends on the friends and how different people approach friendship

    I go to social events in the kink community (really just a bunch of nerdy queer neurodivergent folks standing around and chatting about nerdy gay shit), and I offer literally everyone I see a hug lol, whether I know them or not. My standard greeting is “it’s nice to meet you! Do you do hugs?” And then generally they say yes and I give them a hug :))

    Hugs are 100% platonic for a looot of people. And in my experience they’re platonic for the overwhelming majority of queer folks, at least that I’ve interacted with

    • Another Catgirl@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      0·
      3 days ago

      yeah that’s real, especially if the person you just met, you’ve seen them on social media and they’ve posted cuddlebait and/or porn already, it makes it easier to ask for hugs.

    • minty@aussie.zoneOPEnglish
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      3 days ago

      thats so great :)

      really just a bunch of nerdy queer neurodivergent folks standing around and chatting about nerdy gay shit

      my kinda vibe

      Hugs are 100% platonic for a looot of people. And in my experience they’re platonic for the overwhelming majority of queer folks, at least that I’ve interacted with

      I did notice some hugging happen at the queer bar I went to

    • eepydeeby@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
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      3 days ago

      really just a bunch of nerdy queer neurodivergent folks standing around and chatting about nerdy gay shit

      Chiming in to confirm the hell out of this ^ and more!

      Obviously every community has its individual style/tastes/etc, but in my extensive experience when you get a bunch of people together who are practiced/invested in negotiation it creates a wonderful sense of safety.

      I havent been out in quite some time, but a few years ago cuddle piles werent uncommon! Piling together like cats is deeply fulfilling sensory input - just as fulfilling as bondage, impact, etc. types of play you expect to see there.

      • DaPorkchop_ [they/she/it]@lemmy.mlEnglish
        0·
        3 days ago

        cuddle piles are fun indeed!

        there’s a hackspace near me which hosts weekly queer meetups, and every time the couch circle ends up turning into a big pile of nerds and blahajs cuddling and yapping about nerdy computer stuff. highlight of my week :3

  • Lily@lemmy.zipEnglish
    0·
    3 days ago

    I can only give you a long virtual hug :3

    I don’t have that problem since I’m polyA and my new relationships will be anarchist.

    • minty@aussie.zoneOPEnglish
      0·
      3 days ago

      thank you hug

      I did recently hear the term relationship anarchy on some twitch stream. Very interesting idea

      • Lily@lemmy.zipEnglish
        0·
        3 days ago

        I heard it only recently and it seemed to me the best fit of what i’m looking for today.

  • Flüstrat [She/They]@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
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    3 days ago

    But theyre either in relationships so that would be considered cheating, or they would consider my request as me being interested romantically.

    The latter is unfortunately the natural assumption in the physical reality because oh what a travesty, someone wants to non-romantically non-sexually feel the warmth and comfort of another! Wild concept for folks.

    But to touch on the first part, because of the latter half it would likely be seen that way(ugh), but in terms of the actual truth of the matter, it would not be cheating in the slightest. To me it would be insecurity to believe that giving a friend warmth and comfort is to believe that your partner is cheating on you.

    Ill try to be more positive.

    Say what is on your mind as you need to dearest sister, we are here to listen and we love you!

    • minty@aussie.zoneOPEnglish
      0·
      3 days ago

      The latter is unfortunately the natural assumption in the physical reality because oh what a travesty, someone wants to non-romantically non-sexually feel the warmth and comfort of another!

      Yeah I hate that’s an assumption. Both between friendships of opposite genders, and of the same gender given homophobia. Especially of the same. I was jealous when I thought I was a man, seeing how much closer women seemed to be with each other, hugging each other and talking about their emotions. I have finally opened up a lot more to my male friends. I think they have put a lot work into removing that hesitancy in themselves. Thinking on it, maybe I really could ask to get more hugs, rather than just a pat on the back (which is still appreciated of course)

      Cuddling tho, no go. I just don’t see it :( it almost feels radical lol, even though it seems like the most human idea.

      To me it would be insecurity to believe that giving a friend warmth and comfort is to believe that your partner is cheating on you.

      Yeah I agree.

      Say what is on your mind as you need to dearest sister, we are here to listen and we love you!

      Thank you :)

      • Flüstrat [She/They]@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
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        3 days ago

        I think that for many people, not necessarily out of intentional malice, there is a sense of “control,” that is wanted, or alternatively “exclusivity.” A reason why if I ever did have a partner I would let them know(most likely candidate does) that unless my partner specifically wanted it, monogamy is not something that is in my realm of desire, not for my sake but that they do not feel unnecessarily bound.

        People often want things to be “theirs.” It is an understandable selfishness, but it can be truly harmful when engaging in relationships, but is all too common to be seen.

        I long for the days even of virtual cuddles, sadly the closest now for me would be presence in Bigscreen since other platforms are garbage and at least vibing to Game Grumps or the like would be possible, even though Bigscreen lacks a lot in terms of avatars and movement, since it is meant to be more of presence-over-action.

        Though I only have one who rarely wants to(someone I have tried to court, but besides the point).

  • MapleFawn@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    0·
    3 days ago

    A hug or even a small-scale cuddle, I would not count towards cheating within a relationship.

    I cuddle and hug friends all the time and so does my wife with hers. Sometimes we just need to hug and feel some physical closeness with those around us and that is okay. Your friends can judge if a long hug or short cuddle is pushing their boundaries for themselves, don’t close that door too eagerly.

    Get the hugs where you can get them!

  • Azalea@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    0·
    3 days ago

    I’ve been hugging my blahaj for the past hour so I feel very similar.

    I assume it is ok to give virtual hugs?

    big hug