The woman I am going to marry is the kind of person that would never use a dating app. Literally the same week I gave up on online dating, she asked me out at work.
Never had success trying to meet girls on the internet. Sometimes you just have to get lucky and hopefully there’s someone attractive who is interested in you wherever you work/study/hang out.
Meeting girls on the Internet absolutely works, it’s just that you should do everything except what you’re told.
Do NOT use dating apps. They are, for the most part, designed to keep you hooked and never actually find a worthy person. If you find your love, you stop being their client.
Use regular social media/weird and obscure places crafted with love/communities by interest/whatever, just not dating apps.
I found my girlfriend in an online chat, and we’re together for 2 years. She moved in with me, and we couldn’t be happier.
I feel like nowadays people like if someone doesn’t have a social media and doesn’t or never had any sort of dating app
I remember back in 2015-ish a guy I knew at work claimed he couldn’t get traction on dates because he didn’t have social media. I was like, I’m confident that is not the primary problem here.
But yeah, today there’s a bigger backlash against big social media. There’s more than just weirdos who don’t have Facebook et el
I’ve been judged negatively for not having social media but never by anyone I was actually interested in dating. Being obsessed with social media is a big turn off for me.
It definitely helps to weed out people. I work in a kitchen so it’s pretty social and I’ve had people tell me they can’t find me on insta or whatever and then ask what I even do in my free time which lends itself to more organic conversation instead of just judging how I run a social media profile or something. I also don’t take pictures like it never crosses my mind unless it’s my cats being funny so if I did have a social media I think it’d actually make me look less interesting
Tinder, Azar, Her, Hinge, match.com, meetic, Ok Cupid, Plenty of Fish, and The League are all owned by a single company.
The ratio of women to men on their dating apps are also wack.
How is that not an anti-trust issue? Each one started as an independent company trying to add value by bringing something new to the table, and they bought them all up to eliminate the competition and enshittified them all with the same profit-gouging algorithms.
Not to mention the concerted effort they made to make in-person dating a social taboo so that everyone literally depends on the dating apps to find potential partners.
Back before I gave up on dating, when I was still on reddit, I can’t tell you how many times I heard the same advice. “Don’t approach people in person, nobody wants to be bothered. Just use the apps where you know they want to be approached.”
That with the systematic minimization of the shittiness of the apps, and the victim blaming “just work on yourself bro, you must be a shit person if you can’t find a partner, so you’d find a partner if you could just stop being a shit person.”
Looking back, I wonder how much of that was astroturfing by the Match Group marketing department…
How is that not an anti-trust issue?
Because we live in the bad place. Conservatives are unlikely to pursue anti-trust unless they’re using it as a tool to hurt out-group (eg: they might try to break up an organization they perceive as being too queer).
We don’t have a strong left in the US. You get glimmers every so often - Lina Khan was trying to do anti-trust work, but then trump returned and that’s all moot.
A lot of problems would go away or be less bad if we stopped letting power consolidate. Unfortunately, this is the bad place.
Yeah, that’s so true. Ironically, anti-trust laws are more often used to help corporate interests maintain their monopolies and duopolies.
Any time a new startup comes in and threatens to claim a significant portion of the market share, these entrenched big business interests accusing them of “monopolistic practices” even though it’s literally the opposite. It’s plain old DARVO.
We do not live in a free market. That’s a myth told by the oligarch caste to enable and maintain their corruption, capture, and control of the market.
Good lord they own basically all the major ones.
Also all the different “X People Meet” apps, but no Linux People Meet? 😭 /s
Also all the different “X People Meet” apps, but no Linux People Meet? 😭 /s
Tbh, isn’t that just Alovoa? I had never heard of it until I saw it on FDroid
Lmao an open source meet up app. Never heard of it, but interesting to know it exists
no Linux People Meet?
Are you sure there’s no transfemme one?
I met my girlfriend on IRC, we’ve been living together for 7 years now. She was trolling people with goatse pics and we started talking about philosophy and poetry etc and then it turned out that she’s a super cute canadian girl. This is usually not the story we tell people when they ask how we met.
Holy shit, I didn’t think that was even possible. I can’t let myself start thinking that’s a possibility, I just can’t. That could lead to disaster.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them
Hey no kink shaming in the guild!
A girlfriend that trolls people with goatse? lucky bastard
You’d never guess if you just met her, she’s a 5’2 ballet dancer but she knows everything about various serial killers. People are complex, we have many sides.
That’s the most crazy story i have read and the best one probably
Also, THIS is how you are supposed to meet people online not with dating apps, dating apps just suck and make you choose the most sexy “option” and maybe their interests maybe
This is usually not the story we tell people when they ask how we met.
Honestly, it’s a way better story than telling people you met on a dating app. And the ones that would be weirded out by the story are probably not people you’d want to spend a lot of time around
We meet here bro 😘
Fun fact: you can probably guess the ethnicity of Spencer Rascoff, the CEO of Match Group.
This makes total sense!
I met my husband on Tinder in 2014, 3 years before consolidation in 2017. When I was using it it was only a joint venture with Match Group
I also had some success before 2014 on okcupid (initially owned by IAC which used to contain Match Group and has since separated from match group but Match group kept OkCupid) and POF (sold in 2015 to Match Group)
Makes sense to me why I had a way different experience on dating websites back when I was single compared to my single friends now.
Feeld is there too. Their matching and like system is very much weighted towards paying not-cheap monthly prices.
Dating apps belong to a trash can. Hobby is the best place to find a partner. Go to a local meet up to play board games, hike, cycle, jam, improv, debate or whatever. The only way left in the modern world
Hobby is the best place to find a partner.
no it fucking isn’t. I can 100% guarantee the nerds reading this that your wife isn’t going to appear in the progressive metal moshpit, the netrunner tournament or the climbing center…
well I mean, that last one has a chance of happening, but don’t hit on women where they exercise for fuck sake. Also, Disregard females, acquire ascents.
hit on women where they exercise for fuck sake
Women can say fuck off to me for themselves
Maybe there’s some geographical or cultural differences, but I can say for sure that hobbies is a perfectly normal place to meet women in my area of the US. I have dated plenty of people I’ve met through hobbies.
Also I think there’s a difference between picking up a woman at a gym vs picking them up at a running or biking meetup. I think just like with anything else, there are inappropriate ways to do it, but it’s not socially unacceptable from my understanding whereas gym pickups really are.
I think just like with anything else, there are inappropriate ways to do it, but it’s not socially unacceptable from my understanding whereas gym pickups really are.
yes. I agree with this nuance
I can say for sure that hobbies is a perfectly normal place to meet women in my area of the US. I have dated plenty of people I’ve met through hobbies.
the thing to help young men reading this realise isn’t that hobbies are unacceptable, it’s to be wary of going to male dominated spaces and expecting that to count as socialising that will lead you to finding a partner. The promise of feminism of equal gender participation in human affairs still has not been fulfilled.
Yeah I think it also must be said that you should befriend women in the hobby. I’ve seen guys who go into hobby spaces and befriend the guys and hit on the women and it doesn’t work out. But when you’re friends with the women you may find yourself connecting with one, or being set up by your friends.
I’m into ham radios. Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve seen a woman?
Maybe get into sausage?
I mean… I don’t think you’ve seen your ham radio buddies either.
Hah! You obviously have never heard of SSTV!
Yeah… “Join a hobby group” is the the go-to answer for people who are devoid of ideas but still want to feel helpful.
Honestly, I think there’s something to be said for going back to “little old lady in the community who matches up young singles.”
A yenta? In this economy?!?!
Matchmaker matchmaker…
Honestly, I think there’s something to be said for going back to “little old lady in the community who matches up young singles.”
Ah, the AI algorithm. Aged Intelligence. Or amo(u)r intelligence
I don’t know almost every couple I know met because they were at something that they both were interested in. If all your hobbies include absolutely zero women, then maybe you should have a real long look at yourself And take a chance on some stuff that’s outside your comfort zone. There’s nothing of value that can be gained without challenge.
I dunno, I’ve met people through my hobby, including my current partner. It’s sporadic but eh. The internet is a cesspit.
Flea markets, anyone? There are several big ones in my area, occurring regularly. I go several times a year and it’s always so much fun when I do. And it’s very easy to chat people up.
Walking, cycling and making jam are all things I do on my own tough
But together is fun
Yes, but if you are single who would you do it with
Find friends online? You don’t have to do it with your SO
If I found a girl in my garden I would assume she was fae and be most suspicious.
Depends where you live. In my current city there are almost no women going to those kinds of meetups and the city I grew up in is so dead there just aren’t any events like that.
Date men then
I met my soon to be wife on a dating app. You might think from that opening sentence that I’m about to extol the virtues of dating apps. I am not. They are garbage, so I agree the trash can is the best place.
This was during covid lockdowns, so no social opportunities, and I had recently moved to a new area and didn’t know anyone nearby. So seemed the only option, terrible as it is. And yeah it worked out for me, but that’s beating the odds. It was an unpleasant experience and was thrilled to be done with it. But, it might be a similar situation for others. No better option seemingly available.
That said, prior to that, I attended a lot of meetups via meetup.com and had a fair bit of luck dating through that. And regardless of if I met someone or not at any given thing, I had fun.
No comment.
And they’re fake hikers and travelers too. I met somebody irl who said one of their interests was eating food but they just go to the places for the vibes and not for the food. Whereas I’m the complete opposite, I would go to a crack den for the best food.
swipes right
A date I had said their hobbies were walking and hiking among other things. Our 1st date was at a local park with a 20 step stair case that took her out… It was my first exposure to this bizarre labelling that goes on here.
There wasn’t a 2nd lol
I had a firdt date with someone who loved hiking. I asked her if she wanted to go on a trail i like. I was worrued that it was maybe to long and steep, or maybe even to short. When we met, she was way bigger than i expected. I told ger that we could do something else, but she insiated. She was super slow and i was worried sge’s gonna pass out. She asked me if how far we have to go, when i could still see my car. Similar thing happened when i went on a vike ride with someone who was really into cycling
a vike ride
I feel like this could be really uncomfortable because of the helmet horns.
I love walking and hiking, but having to walk uphill takes me out, too.
Humans are just animals at the end of the day. This is all a sexual display of fitness. Hiking and traveling tell people you’re physically and financially fit. You can move around no issue. You are social. You are socially and physically healthy.
They lie a ton and show pics of hiking from 5 years ago and act like they can still do all that. Or they never could and the pics are deceiving… Regardless, it’s just a game all genders are playing to show sexual fitness. It looks like carbon copies because it’s the best way to communicate “my body moves well and I can afford luxury”.
joke is on them.
I can’t afford luxury shit, but I can ride my non luxury bike like 150 miles in a day.
“my body moves well and I can afford luxury”
Swipes right
Best Chinese food I’ve had was in a legit city basement.
Best philly cheesesteak I’ve ever had was from a hospital cafeteria.
They do be trifflin
The best food is usually in places like that too. My home city has this literal hole in a wall mexican place. You know it’s good when it’s also a grocery store and nobody speaks good English except for the kids who are the wait staff. Best fucking food I’ve ever had and I’m gutted because they closed down 6 months later and I don’t know if they moved or went out of business 😭😭😭
amen brother.
best places to eat are the places with no white people. whitey has no taste.
but sucks that usually such places don’t last and get replaced with generic white person food.
No need to get all racist, mate
There’s this bengali place I love that is also a grocery store. It’s so epic
I have a Pavlovian response to seeing shelves of spices and dried peppers in unlabeled bags in a language I can’t read because of this. If I’m already hungry and I walk in to a new place and see that suddenly I’m ravenous.
Ohh a group of my friends has someone like that. Although everyone has been getting increasingly distant from her as she won’t turn up to anything that isn’t fancy enough for her, and there is an increasing feeling that she only ever messages us when she doesn’t have anything else she would rather do going on - we hear from her much more when she is unemployed and single.
What does hiking and traveling even mean? I’m nomadic and spend most of my time hiking. The only people doing the same are retired 60+. I never see anyone my age on trails, camping, being nomadic. I’ve literally never met someone my age or younger who’s a functioning tramp. In the last year I’ve only met one couple in a schoolie who were <50.
Well I suppose for most people hiking is a thing they do a week or two out of the year, or maybe they go on short hikes where they don’t even need to camp.
where do you live?
I see lots of the nomadic digital natives went i am hiking and traveling. but I’m rich and so are they and we go to rich people places.
people like that don’t hang out in poor people places. they go from trendy brand name location to trendy brand name location.
Full-time is rare. But as far as I know, the stereotypical backpacking locations are still full of unwashed backpackers
Hiking means going for a walk in a park after work, or spending a day, well, hiking in the woods on the weekend.
Is your expectation that hiking means only people that don’t have to spend most of their time working and can wander the earth instead?
At some point I think they were designed to be deleted but there’s more money in the opposite. Somewhere along the road, they realized and made a shift and they got shitty.
It was 2015. Pretty much the same year as most tech.
>Why can’t I get a partner by sitting alone in my room and swiping?
>This must be the fault of women
You know, I’m very much for equality, but in this situation a woman can do exactly that and get loads of dates.
It’s the initial connection that is the highest barrier for men, after that, yeah, kinda need to leave the house to get a partner.
I think its cuz there is a lot more men there then women
it’s because gender dynamics are that men pursue and women select.
dating apps or no, that’s how it’s always been.
biology is a judgy bitch.
Meanwhile OP’s profile
dating app companies have different incentives than you, and you cant afford to pay them enough to align the two. I think this is inevitable and it always greatly surprises me when people actually find love over these apps
I met a handful of people on dating apps, had some sex, and the relationships went basically nowhere. Every solid, long-term relationship I have had has come from going places and doing things with people. If I was single I’d start climbing again.
From multiple apps Hinge actually worked out the best for me despite having some traits that aren’t ideal for dating apps (short, unemployed, autistic). The algorithm adapts quite quickly to what you like so I see mostly alternative people, nature friends and scientists. I’ve been using it for a few weeks and out of my 7 matches 5 were biologists.
The dude is right tho about sending likes and comments being useless, every match I got was from women liking me first. But that’s where Hinge is better than other dating apps: you see who liked you without having to pay.
all i get is therapists, marketing, and finance.
i’ve never met a biologist.
Clearly the AI thinks you need therapy, financial advice and lectures on how to sell yourself better. Interestingly, I feel like it might be up to something… I know I wouldn’t say no to that :)
But then, I’d rather hump an anthill than date a finance person, so maybe not.
Dating apps fucking suck, for many reasons. One company owns most, probably all in the future. Aims for a lifetime spent on the app through dark patterns and casino techniques. It’s a tech nightmare: requires a face scan sent to the app and also every surveillance company interested in buying them. Builds a profile on you silently, using identifiers from your in-app usage. Even without these, even if it were all FOSS, there’s an heavily skewed gender ratio.
I’d love to hear someone who thinks Helen Keller wasn’t real describe what they think the late 1800s was like.
I haven’t heard of her so I guess I can start with my guess of what the 1800s was like.
Napoleonic wars leaving millions dead.
People pushed into overcrowded towns and cities, fuelling disease outbreaks like cholera.
Potato famine and British government approach of “lol don’t care” resulting in over a million dead.
I haven’t heard of her so…
It’s ok, she hasn’t heard of her either
Dating apps are the worst, the absolute worst, way to meet people. I met my husband in a chat room and that’s fucking awful right? Dating apps are worse. Go on blind dates, set your friends up, go and scream in the middle of a park, all of those are better than dating apps. Humans don’t work like catalogues.
go and scream in the middle of a park
I see you use the bird method
If I see someone attractive screaming in a park they probably have my attention.
and think Helen Keller wasn’t real
wat? I’m not on any dating apps, is this a real conspiracy theory people believe?
there are many many more conspiracy theories out there that people believe than there is time for you to learn about all of them.
