Never felt more identified with a post. I’ve been saying this for a while and all they tell me is “just dance!” :(
I understand anon. I understand. 😶
You’re a techie vegetarian and you attempt to stifle your inborn bigotry? Are you really…
spoiler
I’m not doxxing myself lmao
Op would love Finland. Only ever talked to one stranger (who is now my wife) and the only thing we shake is the umbrella. And booze, well you will need it too.
What is the umbrella reference about?
When you go inside you shake the water out of the umbrella so it doesn’t drip inside your house. Yeah, that’s it, no reference or anything.
Yeah but like, is that somehow Finnish?
It’s worldwide. Everyone around the world who has used an umbrella has shaken rain off an umbrella. Are you an alien from another solar system?
Maybe from Saudi Arabia? No umbrella-shaking in Saudi Arabia.
go to google.
type in “rainy day in Saudi Arabia”
click on images
I think you’re confused why he brought up shaking anything at all, what you’re missing is that he brought up shaking an umbrella as a reply to the OP image that talks about shaking booty aka dancing.
The Finnish thing is that they don’t shake booty. The umbrella being the only thing they shake was just a way to highlight that they aren’t dancing like Colombians.
Yea finnished being in the rain
Umbrella gets wet. Ya shake it. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Is that a Finnish thing or just the first thing you thought to shake?
Finnish people do not shake hands.
There is no innuendo if you are looking for an innuendo. He’s literally talking about shaking the rain off an umbrella. He’s happily married and neither his wife nor he like to dance so they don’t shake anything but their umbrella. Get it?
What else do you shake on a fairly common basis, I suppose you also shake the bottle to get every last drop out. So it’s bottle or umbrella.
Polaroid picture
Hey ya
Oh my god, I feel so dumb. I really thought you had just made a typo and said shake instead of share.
Sharing doesn’t sound possible, or at least would require an unwieldy parasol or something.
I think all of my umbrellas can fit two if a couple, and three if everyone is okay with rubbing torsos.
It’s referencing back to the original post about girls shaking their asses
introverted and alcoholic? Please tell me more about this wonderful place called Finland
Their mountains so lofty
Their treetops so tall
Eating breakfast or dinner
Or snack lunch in the hall.
Nah they don’t have any mountains in Finland. The trees are great though.
Only ever talked to one stranger
Scandalous!
no. Scandinavian
People should dance more. It really does make things a bit more tolerable.
Dancing with trusted people, yes. But in many/most places, how you dance is subject to social stigma, which is much much worse than any benefit of dancing.
And if you only know the stigma-attached dancing, then it poisons “healthy” dance for you, because humans think of the bad thing first.
My Latino friends say the stigma doesn’t exist.
My doubt is palpable…
People always like to think of themselves that they aren’t judgy and totally inclusive and tolerant. But it’s a natural human behavior to judge others and make it known. Most people think of themselves and say they don’t judge, but in the background, subconsciously, still do it.
So your doubt is probably justified. You have to get the real answer from how your friends actually behave, not from what they think or say.
As someone who never dances, almost entirely due to social anxiety, I think you’d actually find that most people don’t care what you look like while dancing (unless it’s a competition or something). That’s really the key, from what I understand: stop giving a fuck about whether you look silly or not. Most of the people already dancing look silly, they have just learned to not care and enjoy it.
As I said, easier said than done of course. Alcohol can definitely help.
Oh, I know that. Doesn’t change my statement though, what I said is what’s happening; how to handle it, I didn’t really want to go into.
But yes, the solution is to not give a fuck, like you say. But that’s only the second best solution, the first one is for that not to be necessary in the first place.
People should (insert any random activity here) more. It really does make things a bit more tolerable.
Legalize all drugs first.
Wow OP is so cool and different and badass what an intellectual he’s just like batman
To be fair, if you go out to a loud party you’re not likely to meet many introverts there - they’ll all be at home, unless their own extravert friend dragged them out to the party.
Was going to say, I’ve been to more than a few parties with the Introvert Corner. Half a dozen folks just hiding in the kitchen or on the patio, trying to survive the night with minimal social contact.
I wish that would become an official thing. Someplace quiet and with dim lighting that isn’t because people don’t want to see closely the making out, but because the room is better with some darkness.
A girl I’m dating fits this person’s stereotypical description of latinas to a T. And she also considers herself introverted 🙄
My ex was Latina, and when we were getting to know each other I mentioned I’m pretty introverted, and I had to explain to her what it meant. She said it doesn’t exist in Latino culture and there are no Latino introverts. I told her she probably calls them alcoholics. That seemed to resonate.
Latin American introvert here, I can’t begin to tell you how much my life changed for the better when I realized I just hate people and have no real reason to pursue extrovert goals. Also people like you more when you’re not trying.
This comment played the opening riff to “Solitude Is Bliss.”
Oh god. Very close to me. Exactly why I left and refuse to date latinas and for the most part make friends with latinos.
A bit over the top tho. You can definetly be a ladies man even if you don’t dance. Not easy as if you dance, but totally doable.
Now to the serious thing:
Fake: Anon has internet in Colombia Gay: Anon wants dosn’t like booty.
Before you downvote me, I am Colombian and don’t really dance to anything remotely latinFake: Anon has internet in Colombia Gay: Anon dosn’t like booty.
😔
As a Brazilian, I can relate
While not the stereotypical extrovert, I experience the opposite in my country.
I think, on a world wide scale, I would be considered very introverted, but by Danish standards I’m too social. I’ve become more introverted over time because it is too exhausting trying to get something going with people around me. Danes make all their friends in their youth and then they close the gates at 30 and never allow in any other new friendships or acquaintances ever again. And if they do, it’s against their will.
We moved into a new neighborhood five months ago, and I still don’t know anyone. Our closest neighbors have politely demonstrated that they desire to not know me despite my attempts at getting to know them and I am self aware enough to know when to just let it go and avoid thing becoming uncomfortable.
It really sucks, because I always dreamed of having good relationships with my neighbors and inviting people over for cook outs or something. But Danes are hermit crabs.
I had it confirmed when I befriended a Ukrainian refugee who told me that in the two years he had been a refugee in Denmark, I had literally been the only Dane to bother to get to know him and been friendly and open to him. Told him that I’m also a very shitty Dane.
So yeah, I dunno what it’s like to be an introvert stuck in an extrovert society. But I do know what it’s like to be extroverted introvert in a hyper introverted society and that sucks as well, because you end up becoming very, very lonely if you don’t hit the jackpot with evergreen friendships when you still have your milk teeth.
As someone from the northern European countryside, you’ll never fully fit in. You need to have at least several generations of
incestfamily ties to be seen as a true native. Best you can hope for is “they’re alright for outsiders, I guess”.What helps, if you want to fit in better, is joining the usual clubs. At my place, that meant (for men at least) things like voluntary firefighters, men’s choir, and tennis/football clubs. Also, show up on traditional festivities and events, and be prepared to drink. Functional alcoholics are suspicious of people who don’t drink with them, so if you cannot or don’t want to keep up with them, excuse yourself early and say you need to drive/take care of your kids/work tomorrow early.
Actually, half of that advice goes for any context, not just rednecks.
I’m not sure if I communicated things properly in my first comment, but based on yours, it almost sounds like you think I’m a foreigner, which I’m not! :D I’m Danish born and bred. Sorry if I was unclear, but that was kind of the point of my original comment, that I’m somewhat of an outgoing person in a hyper introverted society.
I will also say that while I do crave social connections, I’m not interested in meeting new people just for the sake of it.
I have plenty of good friends and a nice social network. The thing is that the closest friend to me lives an hour away. The furthest one lives on a different continent. I have often joked that the closer friend I am to someone, the further away they live.
So for me, the goal is to just become friendly with neighbors. Not to go out and join a bunch of clubs or festivals or go to pubs and meet people there.
When it comes to alcohol, I would be cool with having neighbors over for a beer in the garden or something like that, but I’m not going partying with people who are “functional” alcoholics. I have seen my fair share of people who’ve ended up on that trajectory, and that’s not the type of mess I want to invite into my life.
As for joining clubs and such, there isn’t a lot of interesting clubs in my area and those that seem interesting are at least an hour away. And that’s part of the problem, because the people I’d potentially meet there, will most likely also live far away and then I have done nothing but add to the list of friends who live too far away for casual, neighborly relationships.
I think your suggestions are fine for someone who just moved to Denmark and have zero network and just needs to get out there and look for anything and everything to build a foundation on. That’s not me, though xD
This is all from my experience as someone who moved to the countryside as a kid, so, feel free to disregard anything that does not match your situation. I am writing this in the hope that it’s useful, but knowing that it might not apply. I have never lived in Denmark, and if the people are similar to Frisians, I can imagine how it is.
I am not sure if I misunderstood you or not. I am born in this country as well, as are my parents and their parents, we all look clearly European, speak the regional dialect and so on. But we made the mistake of moving from a city to a village about 60km away. That already means we count as foreigners in the minds of many people.
If your family does not have ties to the village you are in, or at least to the neighbouring villages, you are a foreigner. Of course, it is mostly old and grumpy people, but it is what it is, sadly. It’s even more stupid than the “normal” racism.
As for joining clubs and such, there isn’t a lot of interesting clubs in my area and those that seem interesting are at least an hour away
No, my point was this: if you want to be part of the “in group”, join the local club. Even if you don’t like it, if you think the people are stupid or if you are not interested in the topic. The goal is not to find new friends, the goal is to be seen as “Nangijala from the tennis club” and not “Nangijala who just moved here, 20 years ago”. Even then, some particularly stupid people will barely tolerate you, be prepared that they’ll still do some things without you because your parents did not go to the same primary school.
Then, of course, there is the whole idea about not having the same interest. Narrow-minded people are narrow-minded, and with the local club or tradition, the goal is to be part of the group. It’s fine to have weird interests, as long as you have some things other people and you can connect on.
but I’m not going partying with people who are “functional” alcoholics
Your mileage may vary, and certainly, things are moving in the right direction even compared to 10, 20 years ago. Over here, heavy drinking is quite socially accepted, because many people are unable to have a genuine conversation or be interesting while sober. A few permille of beer, and they will be more accepting, open, and “funny”. Unfortunately, it is the great social lubricant, and some people never learned to enjoy company while sober. I also don’t really see the point in that, I am not against alcohol and the effects of a beer or three in good company, but I’ve seen it being pushed to another level in village festivities.
I am self aware enough to know when to just let it go and avoid thing becoming uncomfortable
They simply don’t yet know they want to be your friend. Abduct them and bring them on an adventure, use that time to learn how your lives can mesh together.
You can’t go wrong with motorcycle journey and/or hiking up a mountain.
You aren’t wrong! Only problem is that I don’t know how to drive a motorcycle and we don’t have mountains in my country xD
But in all seriousness, I genuinely think they don’t want to know us, and I want to respect that. Maybe they will warm up to us eventually or maybe we will remain strangers, but I’ll continue to smile and wave whenever I see them. So far the only living beings who’s given a fuck about us are local birds, who use our garden for nesting, a neighbor’s dog who spent the first three months of us living here, barking at us everytime it saw us and a neighbor kid who was super chatty about princesses one day when we were out gardening.
The dog doesn’t even come over to look at us anymore. I’m actually starting to miss him barking at me every single day. The only time he came out barking recently was when a delivery guy came to drop off a new fridge for my boyfriend. Then all of a sudden, Mr Dog could bark. The driver was scared, while I was low key jealous. Like bruh, at least he acknowledges that you exist, mate. Do you know how devastating it is to move in and getting used to this big dog greeting you everyday and then one day, all of a sudden, he just stops giving a fuck about you and ignores your presence??? It’s bad enough that the human neighbors pretend I don’t exist, but now even the guard dog is like: bitch, you boring.
Dx
My boyfriend thinks its awesome that our neighbors don’t care about us and would hate my dream scenario of casually inviting people over for a beer or coke on the veranda and chatting about whatever.
It’s not like I want people to run through our house all the time and us never getting any privacy, but I would like to have spontaneous chats over the hedge a couple of times a month at least. Even every second month would be cool. But you can’t force people to want to what you want, so eh.
A community isn’t just a bunch of people with good feelings towards eachother, look for mutually beneficial relationships. Clearly he has no use for socializing in and of itself, is he mechanically inclined? Ask him for help or just advice with a car problem, bake extra bread and give him some, do you both have kids? Theres common interest in discussing whatever is going on with them.
I am aware of that. The thing about Danes is that we aren’t inclined to have communities. In some places, communities are easier to build than others, but Danes are generally uninterested in putting time and energy into community stuff. Which I understand. On one side, we just arent a social people and on the other side our jobs are mentally draining so many people just want to go home at the end of the day and scroll their phone, eat some food and watch a film or play video games.
There isn’t much power left to do community stuff on the side. I think a lot of people would like to have a lively community, but barely any want to put in the work, so it is often up to the few to keep something going and then maybe people will show up and enjoy what you spent time, money and effort on, but they will also leave when the fun part is over or when they get bored and they won’t help cleaning up either.
My boyfriend used to be a chairman in a little hobby organization for years and he did so much for that organization and people did fuck all to help him out. When he left, they had to get four or five people to take care of the full responsibility he had taken on because not one person could be bothered to do everything he had done on his own.
I have heard similar stories from friends and colleagues who try to keep their local community alive. One trains football for local kids and the neighborhood parents don’t do anything to help out. He gets nothing out of it other than the kids getting to have comradery, but it’s basically an unpaid part time job he’s taken on because he believes in community even if the community doesn’t think they need to do their part.
Where I grew up, we were actually blessed to have good neighbors on our road, but we also lived very isolated in the countryside and actually needed each other more than the people needed one another in the village. Both our families also happened to be newcomers from other parts of the country and that automatically excluded us from the wider community in the area.
I really am not kidding when I’m saying that unless you grew up with people in an area, you will be friendless. That goes for local communities too. You can’t move into a neighborhood and expect to become a part of it even if you put in the effort. You can be lucky to be accepted, but don’t expect it.
It is a very common thing for Danish immigrants, refugees and those who come here for work, to complain about how closed off Danes are. How it is like standing in front of a fortress when you’re trying to get to know a Dane.
That’s why making baked goods or asking for favors probably wouldn’t yield any other results than my neighbors reluctantly accepting to help and then go back to their house and close the door when it’s over.
Because I have definitely considered the baked goods thing, but hopped away from that idea, because you do not just come knocking at somebody’s house unless it’s an emergency.
One of my colleagues attempted the baked goods thing in her neighborhood at one point and was quickly deterred because the neighbors didn’t react well to it.
I live in the states and I’d like to swap with this guy for a trial period. I’ll try partying and busting for a month while he kicks it in the no-fun techno-fascist country where the rent is $1200/month+ and having a good looking ass is considered an actual commodity that must hit the market ASAP and the head of state is a senile pedo.
I wonder if this kid has ever considered getting a fucking grip.
