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There’s recently been a surge of vampire media that retcons their weakness to religious artifacts as psychosomatic because it reminds them of their humanity. I really like that because it doesn’t make any sense for someone to die and come back as a monster without something breaking in their psyche.
Basically like that meme that claims cartel members are weak to Dragon Ball paraphernalia.
Broke: Conditioning your vampire children to be immune to all religious symbols through exposure therapy
Woke: Seeing religious symbols in mundane objects everywhere because your vampire father thought exposure therapy was a good idea
Bespoke: Carpe Jugulum by Terry Pratchett
(I’m old and don’t fully understand this format, but I like to join in)
Same vibes as the guy that “fought” a Lion with Toilet paper.
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2dqrsp
When did vampires become vulnerable to crosses?
Does the Vulcan salute “Live long and prosper”
Vampire: hisssssssssss
Megaspoke: Vampires are vulnerable to all religions ever followed and constantly get flashbanged because they accidentally stepped on holy grounds of ancient civilizations
that’s why they’re only in space
Wokest: Sir Pterry, where vampires are weak to all religious symbols, but intentionally so, because death is so insignificant to them, the vulnerabilities that make them easy to stop also mean that no one truely makes their death more permanent.
I like the Castlevania explanation for why crosses work on vampires:
“Vampires are basically an evolved predator species, so their eyesight is pretty different to ours. Turns out that if you put a big geometric shape right up close in their field of vision, it confuses the shit out of their brains and, you know, makes them panic.”
This is similar to the explanation in Peter Watts absolutely brilliant novel Blindsight. The way vampire’s eyes evolved had given them phenomenal eyesight, especially at night, but they go into seizure when trying to process intersecting right angles, a genetic abnormality that wasn’t really relevant until humans started building structures and as people built more and more structures, the vampire threat waned, explaining their disappearance as well.
I cannot stress enough how brillant that novel is. Not only has it modern vampires done right, but also AI done right and completely alien aliens done right.
Okay I wasn’t particularly interested until I read this comment. What a combo lmao
One caveat:
The plot requires that every person in any position of decision making authority on earth be an absolute pants-shitting moron.
This aspect became a lot more believable, lately.
I found the first chapter incredibly difficult to get through as well, but once that’s past, it reads like a puppy.
The plot requires that every person in any position of decision making authority on earth be an absolute pants-shitting moron.
That’s not entirely fair. It requires that people became overly reliant on technology to the point where it became an evolutionary trap rather than a material benefit. It’s not out of line with the end of “I, Robot” in which super-intelligent computers effectively render human administration obsolete without humans realizing it, because the computers are tasked with optimizing humanity and human decision making just gets in the way. Watts’s augmented humans, vampire adjuncts, and AI assistants all end up pursuing their purposes too well. And the alien probe-thing they discover at the edge of the solar system suggests a future end state for humanity as much as a possible first-contact scenario.
The hypothesis he puts forward, between Blindsight and Echo Praxia, is that evolution ultimately favors instinctive response over rational self-determination. Humanity’s brief 10,000 year flirtation with consciousness is an accident of evolution that the next epoch of biological change will undo. Human decision making is a feature we developed because we lacked predators to exploit it. As soon as we re-introduced predators to our ecosystem (sociopaths like the main character and his crew, resurrected monsters, unregulated machine intelligence, actual extraterrestrials) we were as done for as the Dodo.
deleted by creator
Don’t forget to focus on your breath work.
There was a book I read where the exorcism failed when the Christian guy tried to do it, but worked when the best friend sang their favorite song. It was corny but sweet. (I might be remembering it slightly wrong)
John dies at the end?
It’s a bit … much
Since in bespoke world vampires are living (in active sense) relic of old humanity. Bunch of vampire hunters are actually archaeologists in the field wanting to prove their hypotheses and once they find ancient ones they sample tissue, record mannerism and study as though they’re coelacanth
The sun burns vampires because its the one true god
Praise the sun!!!
Hail to the Sun God!
We know he’s a fun god!
Ra! Ra! Ra!
Final boss: agnostic vampire
Agnostic Vampire: Foolish hunter, I am far more powerful than you. You have no chance at success.
Hunter: Yeah, I really don’t know. You look really strong but I’m really strong too.
Agnostic Vampire: Ahhh!!! Your uncertainty weakens me!
Hunter: Oh wow, this feels like a trap. Now I’m even more uncertain.
Agnostic Vampire: Ahhhhh!!!
Alternative option: atheist redditor vampire
Allergic to sunlight, story checks out.
In the bespoke vampire world, very few vampires are killed by sunlight, as these kinds nearly died out trying to continue worshipping the sun after being turned into vampires.
Post-Bespoke: the most dangerous vampire is the modern day scientologist, whose faith is incomprehensible yet jealously guarded.
Oh, you think you can defeat me? First you’re going to need a Level 12 Clear Thetan, and that’ll set you back $375,000. I know that sounds like a lot but we do offer 30 year, 0% financing, which makes the monthly payment surprisingly manageable.
