Credit: u/manchesterMan0098
I mean he described therapy
Everyone can benefit from a therapist and everyone can benefit from a loving, caring partner.
Who knew?
I choose a loving, varying therapist.
Wait wait wait… You’re telling me people need love? Pfft I don’t believe it.
I can guarantee there are at least a few people out there who don’t actually need love in adulthood to live happy and fulfilling lives.
How do you figure that?
Because there are always exceptions.
Always.
There is a well-known study about this: All You Need Is Love (Martin et al., 1967)
It definitely does not need to be one or the other. Oftentimes therapy could help in the relationship department considerably. Deep hurt is hard to get through alone, yet I hope more and more people understand there is help out there.
If relationships are a two way street, and one person is hurting enough to affect their role within it all there should be no shame in reaching out in that way. It could help a lot. It’s a shame there’s still so much stigma around therapy.I was implying that both are beneficials.
Oh yeah me too. I agree with everything you said, was just adding on my bit :)
I can’t comprehend what I read today. Sorry
No no, could’ve been how I worded it haha. It’s all gravy.
I dont think that stigma is going to get any better any time soon (at least in the US). The past year has given me significantly less trust that anything medical remains private; i have no trust that things said in confidence will not be weaponized against me by the current government. There have already been cases of states demanding medical records for pregnancy, abortion, and transgender records, and texas actually got their hands on some records IIRC.
My therapist says she takes a bare minimum of notes because she understands the fear people have of private info getting leaked. Maybe someone worried about that could ask about their notes process during the therapist-finding stage.
I don’t think the OP in the screenshot is describing a loving partnership though - the emotional support described is very much one sided.
There is no reason to assume that
I think a modern dysfunction of intergender relationship is an increase in transactional intimacy. Whether it’s dating, sex, or emotional, I think a lot of men are paying for their intimacy.
It can easily be a case of personal perception of a relationship, at least my generation was constantly told their only value in life is utilitarian, when that’s your mind set you’re going to assume that’s the only value you have in relationships as well. Again, therapy would help a lot so men can see that their partners do value them outside of their assigned value culture.
I agree with what you and @Azzu @[email protected] are saying, in the vein that traditional gender roles have done more harm than good.
I think the culture is shifting but there’s also a weird backlash to the change, like the toxic Masculinity of Andrew Tate or Jordan Peterson, or the Trad Wife movement, or the rise of Only Fans and other pay-to-play parasitic economies.
I think a certain subgroup of men are willing to give money in exchange for intimacy as a way to exercise power in that dynamic, as if it lessens their vulnerability.
Relationships should of course be mutually beneficial, and therefore are inherently transactional. But I also find it ironic that whether men paying for online dating apps to meet women, paying for drinks, paying for sex, or paying for therapy, it’s all hitting their wallets.
You gotta remember that the traditional gender roles come from somewhere. There are many that detest them so much that they can’t even imagine that there must be something in the human psyche that came up with them.
There are plenty of people that know about the traditional gender roles doing more harm than good, yet still choosing to mostly follow them, in a non-toxic way, because they are what actually feels best for them.
I think the radical feminist push of trying to achieve perfect outcome equality in all areas is as misguided as the rigid, inflexible attempt to keep traditional gender roles completely intact.
Naturally, if people notice a shift too far in a certain direction, they try to work against it, and most of the time this working against it is too far in the wrong direction as well.
There is a disconnect between people noticing that love is not unconditional, and thinking love is completely transactional.
Of course if love is never useful for one of the participating parties involved, then this/their love will fade. But people interpret this fact in the way that love should always be exactly as useful for all parties involved all the time.
But in reality, it should be fine if sometimes maybe one side is more selfish, less giving, sometimes the other side. Sometimes one side gives more emotional support, but the other side is more physically caring. And so on. Love doesn’t need to be perfectly equal, it just needs to make all parties involved better than if they were without the love.
But when you’re very competitive and selfish, and it’s hard to quantify each person’s usefulness to each other, it’s easy to always think that what you give is more than what someone else gives. Constantly having arguments about how you think things should be.
I’m not positive you mean this, but you’re implying men shouldn’t pay for their intimacy? You think it should be free? Everyone pays, but in healthy relationship the “payment” is emotional intimacy, acts of service, words of affection etc. No one is walking up to a stranger and banging them without giving anything. Heck even in sex alone there’s “transactions.” During foreplay, I get you a little turned on, you get me a little turned on, I escalate, you escalate.
I mean literal payment, with money.
I don’t like legitimizing Freud cause like all his ideas that permeated popular culture are total bull but holy shit, paging Dr Freud.
He’s next tweet… “Use my promo code to join Andrew Tates Hustlers Academy.”
Especially when your partner is a vengeful mother figure that physically, emotionally, and spiritually destroys you over several years until you finally leave it all behind and recognize how empty your life has been and how much self blame was gaslit and manipulated out of you.
Because the use of one takes away an unhealthy need for the other.
Who needs therapy when you can foist off all of your emotional needs on one person?
Honestly therapy isn’t for everyone. There’s lots of shitty therapists out there that do more damage than good, and far more often than not it’s expensive. I agree with the sentiment here but people on the internet really need to stop suggesting it to everyone all the time.
Everyone should see a therapist. Not every day or even every year but it’s one of the best preventative measures you can have. People bring it up because a lot of folks who struggle with basic emotional health problems don’t see one or feel a stigma around it.
If your therapist sucks or just isnt a good fit for you, you find a new one. Like you would a mechanic, or doctor, or barista.
Do you tell kids who scraped their knee to go see a doctor?
Circumstances being less than ideal doesn’t mean that “therapy isn’t for everyone”. Therapy is therapy.
Therapy is based entirely on therapists, which are also human, and is just a job. And lots of people suck at their jobs.
Okay but those therapists aren’t doing their job. They’re not giving therapy. That doesn’t mean not everyone can benefit from therapy.
Now you’re creating a logical fallacy. I’m not interested in engaging with that.
The first therapist I saw told me “Some people just don’t enjoy life, maybe you’re one of those people” which was a strange thing to hear from a “mental health professional” and set off alarm bells.
You’re probably just supposed to feel shitty all the time. That will be $500 please.
The ironic thing is a lot of the “everybody needs therapy” crowd have never been to therapy. One therapist told my friend his addiction to prescribed drugs was a moral failing on his part. This lead him to attempt suicide by cop. This would not have happened if he had not gone to a therapist.
You’re correct. Therapy isn’t for everyone. It’s for people with mental health problems.
Therapists are just like any other professional. There are good ones and bad ones. If you’re seeing a bad one, keep looking until you find a good one.
So, uh, if this is what men need at the end of the day, what does this guy think women need at the end of their day? Or is it only men “fighting battles” in their day-to-day lives? Because this surely implies that either men are needlessly making things harder for themselves if women somehow manage to avoid daily battles, or that women don’t need comfort after their daily battles… and wouldn’t that make men, who do need that help, the weaker sex?
See, youre actually missing one key component here. They dont think of women as people. Just baby machines made to please men.
It’s true. As soon as I’m out of sight of my husband I dock like a Roomba and wait until he returns so I can wipe away his tears and give him a foot rub.
/s
All women have to do is iron his shirt and make sure there’s food on the table when he gets in. He’s out in the real world doing manly things to bring home the bacon.
Every woman I’ve ever dated has expected me to do what they call “being there for them” in what I can only assume to be situations similar to whatever he’s hyperbolically referring to as “battles,” and I was happy to, and they did the same for me which I appreciated. But maybe since it’s just taken for granted that men do that for women (people itt seem not to realize being supportive is a bare minimum expectation for any partner), and according to the post it is mommy issues when a man wants it in return, it sounds to me like women are the weaker one.
Did I do the gender war right? Do we really have to “men bad women bad” wanting supportive partners ffs? This is why I don’t talk to people anymore, cats are better.
A whole lot of people in this thread don’t understand that a therapist does.
I know right! It’s all “but men bruh” but who takes care of women?
I know themselves do, because no one will. But somehow that’s accepted, and men taking care of themselves and stop exploiting women isn’t?
vomit
If you thought women growing up with uncaring fathers was bad, wait till you meet men who grew up with uncaring mothers.
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That’s because we don’t really understand how brains work. Psychology is just barely coming out of the dark ages. You’re going to run into a lot of psychologists who’ll want to do the mental equivalent of balancing your humors or sticking leeches on you.
Trauma therapy helped me a lot, speak for yourself. CBT is still over applied in my opinion, though, when other therapies are appropriate.
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And don’t ask for CBT from a hooker unless you know what your getting into.
“Wait no, I meant cbD! Ahhhhhhh, my balls! 😩”
CBT is often used to get you to gaslight yourself, which is more effective than getting others to do it for you.
Kinda snarky, kinda serious on this comment
it’s insane how jreg (youtuber) gave me the most solid understanding of relationships that was so obvious that I couldn’t believe we didn’t understand already, it’s a mixture of them all, it’s not a partner or a good friend group or parents, it’s to be able to have them all, a therapist can be a guiding figure a mentor and another node to release stress learn from mistakes and overall a decent person to be in contact with even if your thoughts were in control and you were in a good state of mind.
What a pleasant surprise among the defensive takes. Thank you for sharing it.
The most problematic situation seems to be when not having access to all of them and trying to push your partner into fulfilling all of these roles. To be your partner, parent and a friend(sometimes a therapist even). Sure it’s nice of them if they can, but it shouldn’t be their daily responsibility.
This is the best description of the issue I’ve seen.
I would say that, conditional to the man having a partner, intimacy is a hell of a lot more accessible than therapy. Provided that intimacy is not rationed or made conditional, this could provide more lasting and more timely healing than therapy as well.
With that said, we really need to normalize men seeking therapy. There are far too many men where the conditions above are not met, and so could and would benefit more from therapy than intimacy.
i need both 😓
