I’d be Cables Don’t Tangle Man.
Ooh, I’ll be Always-Remembers-What-He-Was-Going-To-Buy-At-The-Store Man.
I don’t know if this qualifies as “b-tier”, but I’d really would like a superpower where when hearing a sound I knew exactly what made it.
I live in an old house, in the middle of a forest. Lots of weird noises both inside and outside. Being able to know if a sound I just heard requires my attention (i.e. “is that some animal messing around in my walls, or just the old wood squeaking”) would be gold. The amount of times I’ve gotten out of bed in the middle of the night to investigate something is too damn high. After countless mice, vasps nests, birds, and various mammals deciding to move in with us, my paranoia levels have skyrocketed.
Would also sort out the “is that my kid crying, or just the draft through the vents”-question, as well as “is that normal wood settling noises, or is there more rot I’ve yet to find and the whole house is collapsing”.
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I’m happy I’m not alone. Last night something was going through my kitchen. It sounded larger than a mouse and it didn’t care about making noise. You know that moment when you’re asleep and your body wakes you up slightly cuz something is off. And you’re in that low power state thinking about whether you should think or not because it’ll wake you up?
Anyway I was so exhausted I thought let it have some fun I just can’t care.
There are dozens of us!
I’ve had the exact same reaction - “whatever it is, as long as it stays out of the bedroom I’ll deal with it tomorrow”.
My favorite incident here, as a tangent, is when my wife came to me for help while I was doing something in the garden. A large crow was sitting on the kitchen counter. My initial thought was “well there goes my day” as birds tend to be the worst to get out. However, everyone keep saying how smart those birds are so I figured I’d do what I do when half-ferral cats stumble in.
So I walked in, see the crow, the crow sees me, and we kind of just stare at each other. I slowly backed up, went around the house and entered again through the backdoor. I grabbed his attention again before going out once more, and in again through the main door. We stared at each other some more, and then he just lightly jumped across the floor and went out the back door. No frantical flying and crapping everywhere. 10/10 experience as far as birds stuck in the house goes.
It’s probably in my imagination, but we shared a moment there. What’s not in my imagination though is that afterwards a bunch of crows started hanging around the house. So I started giving them some snacks every once in a while, because why not. Long story long, we have a small murder of crows watching over the property.
I take perfect shits no matter what. Never constipated or have diahrea. Wipes are always perfectly clean.
Your super hero name is now “Number Two”
B-side Man
Never get bitten by mosquitoes man.
Mosquitos used to find me attractive, but as I aged they didn’t come by no more.
I’d be perfect departure time man. Able to determine exactly when to leave in order to arrive at your destination on time, regardless of traffic, weather, or other conditions encountered along the way.
Not a B tier power, my God you just invented the governments secret delivery method. You’re planning perfect extraction and invasion strategies, nuclear fall back evacuation routes. You just became a national secret, son.
Incredible massage dude. I want to be able to give incredible massages that relax muscles. Maybe the ability to relieve stress by touch. Bonus points if it works on myself, my shoulders suck.
Ooo, this is a good one! Accupressure Boy, able to relieve minor aches and pains, and cure headaches.
That would be a perfectly B tier power.
Definitely support-class hero; the kind that stay back at the base and never risk their life but still contribute.
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Unless there’s no alarm set, otherwise an untimely demise.
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He said B Tier! As a lifelong chronic insomniac I’d give almost anything for that ability.
Better: Type in any time to sleep in the bed. No need to set an alarm, just set 7h and done.
Once, I wanted to annihilate all bedbugs in the world with a snap of a finger (I would even learn how to snap for this very purpose), just disappear them forever at my will. A single use power, nothing more than that, and I don’t care what that suppose to do to the environment.
For some reason.
Once, I wanted to annihilate all bedbugs in the world
just once?
Well…unless they spontaneously appear or aliens bring them from their planet I don’t think more than once is needed.
Of course maybe another person wants a power to manifest them into the world again.
… I mean if you don’t know how to snap, then you never have snapped. For all you know this actually could be your super power and you haven’t even bothered to find out. With great power comes great responsibility.
I would be Sleep-on-command man
That’s me. The secret is to give up caffeine entirely and stick to a sleep schedule even on weekends.
I did the opposite. I just work so much that I’m exhausted all the time.
If you’re in a state of perma-exhaustion, sleep is easy
B being secondary with A as the highest or tertiary with S as the highest?
If the former, I’ll be Doesn’t Overthink Everything Man
If the latter, I’ll go with Correct Orientation of USB drives and Cables on First Try Man
I too would choose quantum superpositioning USB powers
All dust disintegrates inside a 20 foot (6m) sphere around me at all times.
Edit: forgot the measurement scale
Isn’t dust what you get when things disintegrate?
Yeah gimme some of that real fine dust
Isn’t really fine dust what they are all worried about with microplastics, air quality and such things right now?
I like to think of it as more refined, for the classier cancer.
B-tier power: Exact Change. Any time I want to pay for something with cash, I have the power to reach into my pocket and pull out exactly the amount of cash money needed to do so. This has no effect on anyone’s money anywhere else, like wallets or bank accounts - it just magically appears.
Infinite cash is B-tier?
Infinite petty cash. you can’t buy most big-ticket items with cash, like a new car or a house, and you can’t spend it online, only in person. And, since you can only do it to pay for things, you can’t just pull money out of your pocket forever to hoard. You might be able to trick it with the right accomplice, or just use it to buy gold and then resell it, but it’s pretty inefficient.
I’ll grant you the power to always grab exact change, under the supposition you have place sufficient money in your pocket to cover the bill.
Like put only a $100 bill into your pocket, and you can be guaranteed to have $5.32, exactly, to pay for your latte.
Fuck giving you infinite free money man. That’s A tier.
Do they still not tangle when you hand said cables to someone?
They can, but they get untangled once OP has them again.
Having recently undergone a full extraction of my remaining teeth and gotten dentures, I’ll take “has a healthy set of teeth”- or “can afford dental implants”-man
Alright, then I can be “I can afford experimental treatment to regrow my teeth-man!”
The power to be comfortable in any environment in just shorts and a T-shirt. No sunburn, no soggy shoes in the rain, warm while sitting in a snow drift.
