There are certain things you can Google. For everything else, there’s MasterCard.
I have to open that way because this all feels … surreal. The first time we talked, she wanted me to snuff her, and now she wants to be my slave and financially support me (and has already sent money).
I know this is not a BDSM community, and that’s all I’ll say on this front, but she’s late-20s, pre-op and seemingly enamoured of the fact that I see her as a woman. Texting with her, as we started, she seemed totally passable … we hit a giant fucking speedbump when she sent art of random chicks, and I had a come-to-Jesus moment after the reveal after being gangraped in college and faced with cock again.
It was not the easiest 24 hours I’ve had.
Net result, we’re out the other end, and since she’s at the start of her journey, she wants me to give her a name.
There is some … not irony, but … one of my first memories is of watching The Neverending Story on a TV wheeled into a ski lodge so the kids could watch while the parents drank. I’m not going to provide a synopsis here, but the elder son of my second ex wife (always a phrase you want to be able to use) was Atreau.
The thrust of the movie at large is giving a name to a new girl. There are some twists and turns.
And so here I return to this well. I fucking hope Amanda was a good choice. She just felt that way.
The thing about sending you money, I don’t understand that. But if you accept it as part of a fetish thing, at least save it up for her. If you end up happily ever after, get her nice things with it. If not, repay her in full before moving on.
I can’t believe this needs to be said for some of the people commenting in this thread, but coming into a thread where someone mentions a trans woman’s name and responding to that name by suggesting childishly transphobic insults based on that name is literally just you posting transphobia.
Anyway, all the best to the two of you, Peter. I’m glad you’ve found some joy in the mess that this world has been lately. I know it’s weighed on you and I’m glad to hear some good news
I’m guessing your comment is directed at mine, and I can only come up with two possible reasons for not responding directly to me - either you:
- didn’t want to engage a potential troll, which would be understandable if my phrasing hadn’t been reasonably respectful (at least that’s what I tried to be - feel free to let me know how I missed the mark if not), or…
- looking for even the most vague hint of a reason to assume the worst about people, and then passive-aggressively trolling them for it. Frankly, this is what your (avoidance of) approach came off as to me, and it’s an especially cheap shot for the unwarranted lack of respect by not talking about me to my (virtual) face.
I’ll freely admit I’ve never been part of this community. I’m just a somewhat older introverted cis guy whose life wound up being a pointless waste of an existence in no small part due to bullying (only outdone by extremely poor & dishonest parenting, along with a strong predisposition to depression/anxiety). It’s that bullying I experienced that led me to make the comment I did. I’m quite sure I needn’t explain to anybody who’s part of this community how damaging bullying can be to your psyche.
Yeah, as adults such bullying isn’t usually as simple and blatant as it is for kids, but that’s not always the case - just look at the asshole who’s about to move back into the White House for a prime example. You’ll pardon me if the utterly - unbelievably - absurd amount of support that supreme leader of all bullies gets has made me fear the worst.
Well played.
The number of red flags in this post are enough to make a forest. I am really uncomfortable with this entire situation, and honestly kinda at a loss for words. Let me see if i can articulate some concerns.
I don’t know how old you are, but from previous interactions I have gathered that you are a bit older than I am. That makes the age gap at least around 20 years. At least. An age gap that large when the people involved are say in their 40s and 60s is less concerning, but she is in her 20s. She is literally still figuring out who she is.
The slave comment when looked at through the lens of the age gap is more than just concerning. That is closer to grooming. And yes, I get there are ways to go about that with enthusiastic consent and mutual respect, but that doesn’t seem possible in this situation.
Giving her a name based on a previously failed relationship is probably the least of the concerns, but really? Have a little thought to how that looks.
I have a huge amount of concerns around this statement:
Texting with her, as we started, she seemed totally passable
That is a knife’s edge from some trans panic bullshit, especially since it appears you have trauma associated with penises.
And finally, don’t call women “chicks” unless they ask you to. Its some old school misogyny and frankly is just tiring.
There is a world where this relationship turns out fine, but there are far more worlds where you fuck up her life as she is just learning who she is and what she wants her life to be.
It’s not as though 29 and stunted 45 after abusive relationships are what you make them out to be.
Grooming is an accusation I don’t like. Can you really groom a 29-year-old living with her parents who won’t let her come out?
Look, I have zero experience with trans partners. I fuck up on my terminology with her. And I call women “chicks” because my bi ex-wife did. You can dig for whatever you’d like here, but you won’t find much of use.
It’s not as though 29 and stunted 45 after abusive relationships are what you make them out to be.
This makes it so much worse, especially since you are very averse to therapy based on past posts.
Can you really groom a 29-year-old living with her parents who won’t let her come out?
Can a cis, 45 year old man with unresolved trauma groom a sheltered, abused 29 year old trans woman? Not technically, but the dynamics are closer to grooming than a healthy relationship. I’m glad you don’t like the accusation. Hold that and maybe do a little introspection.
Look, I have zero experience with trans partners. I fuck up on my terminology with her.
That is another red flag.
And I call women “chicks” because my bi ex-wife did.
Really don’t care. Don’t do it.
I’m not digging for anything, that was surface level ick, and you made things a lot more so by adding details. This is such a bad situation and the potential for you to fuck up someone’s entire life is so high.
Okay, I wasn’t aware of the age gap when I posted my original reply. The age gap makes everything a lot more concerning. I still think it could work, but OP would have to be very, very careful and thoughtful.
I fail to see why anyone is making 29-45 an age gap story.
Half your age plus seven.
I did the math and you scraped my blessings.
You can smoke them later if you keep enough.
Because there’s a huge gap between her age and your age. A gap that’s more than half her life and almost a third of yours.
A 29 year old is not a child. It’s a mature adult with a fully formed frontal cortex. Harping on the age difference is infantilising her.
A 29 year old is not a child. It’s a mature adult with a fully formed frontal cortex.
And? Nobody said otherwise.
Harping on the age difference is infantilising her.
Wrong. Nobody says ”It’s wrong because she’s a child.“ The thing is even with adults, a significant age gap is a red flag. There’s a difference in upbringing, culture, maturity, experience, etc. But a red flag is not a no go, it’s a warning sign that signals possible conflicts in the future.
Speaking from personal experience, having such a “fully formed frontal cortex” doesn’t guarantee enough maturity to prevent problems more commonly associated with childhood. There’s roughly 25 years of life determining your thought processes before you reach that point of brain development, and it can easily take just as long (or even longer) to realize the problems with (and correct, if they’re strong & brave enough to do so) poorly developed thought processes from those early years. That’s why there are so many divorces even well into people’s later years.
Unfortunately, many never manage to undo the damage wrought by their childhood. The asshole moving (back, unbelievably) into the White House & his supporters are living proof.
I hope the best for you two! I’m honestly a bit jealous as I’m kinda having to find my name on my own.
Just try to remember to be careful. She’s probably hurting a lot and needs someone who will be there for her. Try to be gentle, empathetic and communicative; things that will go a long way in helping her to feel loved and accepted.
Edit: another user commented that there may be a significant age gap involved, which is a bit concerning.
Are we really defining 29 to 45 as an age gap? It’s not really in a questionable range.
That wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I was expecting. Might get some weird looks and would probably be on the edge of what I’d consider acceptable, but eh, if it works, it works.
Both are adults and the relationships are consensual. I don’t see any problem here.
Good Luck to OP and your partner!
I feel that she is sending you money is because she is psychologically dependent on you. Be very kind to her please. And she might need therapy at some point.
Your first and last sentences are a little incongruous. Being psychologically dependent on someone is not a good thing. It is a major problem when we get into the power dynamics of this particular relationship.
Power Dynamics.
I hope for both of your sakes that nothing is ever read into the fact that name contains the word “man.” It’s just the kind of thing so many childish assholes would make a big deal of.
She reminds me in mannerisms of an Amanda I knew in college. There’s no need to overcorrect here.
They’re being assholes. I’m trans and I think Amanda is a nice name.
I get that & can appreciate that to a point. However, I can’t help but think it would be better not to have the two intertwined in your head - each of them are distinct individuals, and IMHO it’s not a good idea to deliberately set one up in the mold of the other. To me, at least, it’s simply a matter of respect for her as a her own person.
Not only “man” but literally (phonetically) “a-man-duh”
It’s just a cigar. As I replied to another response, “She reminds me in mannerisms of an Amanda I knew in college. There’s no need to overcorrect here.”
That’s just what she feels like. No malice aforethought.
