There are certain things you can Google. For everything else, there’s MasterCard.

I have to open that way because this all feels … surreal. The first time we talked, she wanted me to snuff her, and now she wants to be my slave and financially support me (and has already sent money).

I know this is not a BDSM community, and that’s all I’ll say on this front, but she’s late-20s, pre-op and seemingly enamoured of the fact that I see her as a woman. Texting with her, as we started, she seemed totally passable … we hit a giant fucking speedbump when she sent art of random chicks, and I had a come-to-Jesus moment after the reveal after being gangraped in college and faced with cock again.

It was not the easiest 24 hours I’ve had.

Net result, we’re out the other end, and since she’s at the start of her journey, she wants me to give her a name.

There is some … not irony, but … one of my first memories is of watching The Neverending Story on a TV wheeled into a ski lodge so the kids could watch while the parents drank. I’m not going to provide a synopsis here, but the elder son of my second ex wife (always a phrase you want to be able to use) was Atreau.

The thrust of the movie at large is giving a name to a new girl. There are some twists and turns.

And so here I return to this well. I fucking hope Amanda was a good choice. She just felt that way.

  • Vodulas [they/them]@beehaw.org
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    1 month ago

    The number of red flags in this post are enough to make a forest. I am really uncomfortable with this entire situation, and honestly kinda at a loss for words. Let me see if i can articulate some concerns.

    I don’t know how old you are, but from previous interactions I have gathered that you are a bit older than I am. That makes the age gap at least around 20 years. At least. An age gap that large when the people involved are say in their 40s and 60s is less concerning, but she is in her 20s. She is literally still figuring out who she is.

    The slave comment when looked at through the lens of the age gap is more than just concerning. That is closer to grooming. And yes, I get there are ways to go about that with enthusiastic consent and mutual respect, but that doesn’t seem possible in this situation.

    Giving her a name based on a previously failed relationship is probably the least of the concerns, but really? Have a little thought to how that looks.

    I have a huge amount of concerns around this statement:

    Texting with her, as we started, she seemed totally passable

    That is a knife’s edge from some trans panic bullshit, especially since it appears you have trauma associated with penises.

    And finally, don’t call women “chicks” unless they ask you to. Its some old school misogyny and frankly is just tiring.

    There is a world where this relationship turns out fine, but there are far more worlds where you fuck up her life as she is just learning who she is and what she wants her life to be.

    • Pete Hahnloser@beehaw.orgOP
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      1 month ago

      It’s not as though 29 and stunted 45 after abusive relationships are what you make them out to be.

      Grooming is an accusation I don’t like. Can you really groom a 29-year-old living with her parents who won’t let her come out?

      Look, I have zero experience with trans partners. I fuck up on my terminology with her. And I call women “chicks” because my bi ex-wife did. You can dig for whatever you’d like here, but you won’t find much of use.

      • Vodulas [they/them]@beehaw.org
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        1 month ago

        It’s not as though 29 and stunted 45 after abusive relationships are what you make them out to be.

        This makes it so much worse, especially since you are very averse to therapy based on past posts.

        Can you really groom a 29-year-old living with her parents who won’t let her come out?

        Can a cis, 45 year old man with unresolved trauma groom a sheltered, abused 29 year old trans woman? Not technically, but the dynamics are closer to grooming than a healthy relationship. I’m glad you don’t like the accusation. Hold that and maybe do a little introspection.

        Look, I have zero experience with trans partners. I fuck up on my terminology with her.

        That is another red flag.

        And I call women “chicks” because my bi ex-wife did.

        Really don’t care. Don’t do it.

        I’m not digging for anything, that was surface level ick, and you made things a lot more so by adding details. This is such a bad situation and the potential for you to fuck up someone’s entire life is so high.

    • Mossy Feathers (She/They)@pawb.social
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      1 month ago

      Okay, I wasn’t aware of the age gap when I posted my original reply. The age gap makes everything a lot more concerning. I still think it could work, but OP would have to be very, very careful and thoughtful.

        • CyberEgg@discuss.tchncs.de
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          1 month ago

          Because there’s a huge gap between her age and your age. A gap that’s more than half her life and almost a third of yours.

          • acargitz@lemmy.ca
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            1 month ago

            A 29 year old is not a child. It’s a mature adult with a fully formed frontal cortex. Harping on the age difference is infantilising her.

            • SanctimoniousApe@lemmings.world
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              1 month ago

              Speaking from personal experience, having such a “fully formed frontal cortex” doesn’t guarantee enough maturity to prevent problems more commonly associated with childhood. There’s roughly 25 years of life determining your thought processes before you reach that point of brain development, and it can easily take just as long (or even longer) to realize the problems with (and correct, if they’re strong & brave enough to do so) poorly developed thought processes from those early years. That’s why there are so many divorces even well into people’s later years.

              Unfortunately, many never manage to undo the damage wrought by their childhood. The asshole moving (back, unbelievably) into the White House & his supporters are living proof.

            • CyberEgg@discuss.tchncs.de
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              1 month ago

              A 29 year old is not a child. It’s a mature adult with a fully formed frontal cortex.

              And? Nobody said otherwise.

              Harping on the age difference is infantilising her.

              Wrong. Nobody says ”It’s wrong because she’s a child.“ The thing is even with adults, a significant age gap is a red flag. There’s a difference in upbringing, culture, maturity, experience, etc. But a red flag is not a no go, it’s a warning sign that signals possible conflicts in the future.