I had a boss who said:
“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t suck his ass to make him drink.”
I… I just… Can’t.Okay, you win the internet for the day. 👍
i’n not the brightest bulb in the shed, but i sure am the sharpest!
Not the brightest knife in the tool room.
Does the pope shit in the woods?
No, but I certainly do
You can lead a whore to water, but you can’t make her douche.
I spit my drink. Oh well, it’s water under the fridge.
🎵 Under the fridge downtown is where I chewed some cud!
This makes me so happy, thanks for teaching me a word
Make like a tree, and get the fuck out
😂 best one so far
Check out Boondock Saints, from which this is a quote. Hilarious movies
Surely it’s a riff on BTTF’s Biff Tannen right?
Ya know it might be. I never realized on account of only seeing bttf once when I was young, and never any of the sequels.
In any case, the character that delivers the line in Boondock Saints delivers quite a few malaphors throughout the movie. It’s part of his thing
That’s about as funny as a screen door on a battleship.
Have a nice trip! See you next winter!
Make like a banana and leave.
People in glass houses sink ships
Whatever bursts your boat.
That’s a really tough nut to swallow
Lmao
You won.
Does the pope shit in the woods?
But nobody is around to smell it, does it have an odor?
Are bears Catholic?
And which one would you rather meet in the middle of a forest?
Me when I say I’ll meet new people: we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.
A bird in the hand is worth its weight in gold.
Icarus flew too close to the man in the moon.
Find a penny, pick it up. Would you like some making fuck?
BERSERKER!
Outstanding, friend. Got a laugh out of me.
Those that live in glass houses can throw the first stone.
Don’t throw glasses in a stone house.
Malaphors? I call these Rickyisms.
Rickyisms are modern day malapropisms, named for Mrs Malaprop from the 1775 play The Rivals by Sheridan, rather than malaphors.
The difference being a malaphor is a mixed up idiom like the examples in the post and a malapropism is substituting a word in a common saying or idiom for a similar sounding one. For example, “finding an escape goat” or “I resemble that remark”.
“Why don’t you make like tree and fuck off, Lahey!” -Ricky
(I know the difference, I was just attempting to be silly with it all.)
A toad a sow.
It’s all water under the fridge.
Exactly. Making these things up ain’t rocket appliances.
And there’s so many out there already you can use the existing ones and teach others; get two birds stoned at once
Worse case Ontario I get to tell you I toad a so, I fuckin a toad a so.
She looks like she’s been through the run of the mill
You made my day, now you have to sleep in it
