This is disrespectful to George Washington the founder of America who was mostly Dicks.
I think you’re referring to the wooden dildos he stuffed his mouth with. Back then, there was no such thing as silicone.
I heard he was six foot eight and weighed a fucking ton.
Link for the uninitiated - https://youtu.be/qv6OOuPI5c0
I heard that motherfucker had like… 30 god-damned dicks.
Oh, I am just
cleaningholding all those for a friend.Like a car, they need to go for a ride every now and then, else they break.
For a friend, of course.
Is there a limit on total footage? Does a double ended dildo count as two? Is a Christmas tree of dicks ok since it’s more than 6, but is Christian?
I dunno, are the Christmas tree dicks circumcised?
Does a straw have two holes or one hole?
Yes
Straws have one hole.
Is your mouth and anus one hole?
Yes, and don’t forget to give your granny a kiss next time you visit.
Christmas tree dildos you say?
I assume a menorah of dildos is out.
Need to go candelabra style with them all attached at the base.
They just need to add a way to mount it to a gun and then its not a dildo, its a gun accessory.
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Sounds like an interesting bump stock
Hump stock
Like a swiss-army knife. (the AI refuses to render this.)
That’s why we will always need human artists
You rang?
Edit: … I think I should mark this nsfw. Um. No idea how though.
The instance doesn’t allow NSFW content, so I don’t think you get the option.
Luckily, this falls under a satire or parody exemption (probably), so I’m allowing it.
I hadn’t even considered that it might not be allowed at all, my mistake. Thank you for indulging me :)
This is beautiful
thank you, i try.
We need a global network of connected dildos. I propose to call it „Interdildo“
Imagine making some sort of open peer to peer sex toy network. Where you are randomly paired up with another person and you control their dildo and they control yours. But no other communication is possible. That would be a fun experiment.
Ted Cruz ran out and is trying to hoard them all for himself.
Ran out? Does he know they are supposed to come out as well as go in?
As a non-carbon based extraterrestrial lizard alien, he consumes the soft supple rubber that many dildos are made of as a form of sustenance.
He is a dildo after all
I would never have thought to go to walmart to buy a sex toy if I hadn’t seen them somewhat prominently displayed on my way towards the vitamin aisle.
Don’t most people just buy them online anyway? How the fuck would they even enforce this? The whole thing is a joke.
It’s more of an excuse to pile more charges onto the types of people they don’t like.
While already in the house to investigate something (real or made up) it gives them an excuse to look through their underwear trying to find excuses to charge them.
They’re criminalizing things more likely to be owned by people they’re trying to cleanse. Maybe cops show up and find you’ve exceeded your government allotted sex toy limit… would you lose your job? Your kids? Do you even call the cops? Do you hide the dildos in a gun safe and leave the guns out, to make the cops happy?
I find it hilarious that cops are going to start driving around with dildos in their car. You know, in case they need to plant one.
Rookie, sprinkle a little KY on him. Perfect.
The solution is clearly to set up sex toy libraries.
…They would never interfere with libraries, right?
The great Republican war on orgasms have begun.
Begun? Texas has always had a war on dildos.
Yet, they keep voting for one as governor. 🤔
They’ve been stopping orgasms from happening for a long time.
Great, now where am I gonna find BestValue dildos
Will United Healthcare cover dildos if they are for medicinal purposes?
I am told Vibrators were invented to combat female hysteria.
These early vibrators became popular among the medical profession and were used for treating a wide variety of ailments in women and men including hysteria, arthritis, constipation, amenorrhea, inflammations, and tumors;
ROFL I need 6 because of… uh… constipation!
There are definitely some Texas billionaires that own more than six politicians.
This has very strong “If I can’t make my wife come, nobody will
cumcome!” vibes.deleted by creator
Sounds like the government wants to hoard most of the dildos to go fuck themselves. 🍆
Hairbrush and shampoo bottle sales about to go through the roof.
shampoo bottle
Besides banning the sale of sex toys, the Texas Obscenity Statute also specified the number of “obscene devices”—for example, dildos—a person could own: six. The number was not chosen at random, but rather because lawmakers assumed that people who owned more than six obscene devices that were identical or similar had the intent to distribute them.
Theoretically, it should be possible to have more than six obscene devices without by guilty of intending to supply them - cock ring, butt plug, fleshlight, dildo, strap-on, inflatable sheep, Ben Wa balls, nipple clamps and penis cage. All have different uses, all without intending to supply.
If supply was the concern (although I don’t kmoe why), perhaps criminalise that not the bottom drawer of my bedside table.
Also ear plugs.
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Fine. I’m a defender of gun rights. No more than six or you intend to distribute. Let’s rock.
Ah so it’s basically like with drugs. Once you have more than a personal amount it’s possession with intent to distribute.
A personal amount is limited to one light evening alone as well.
Yes. Texas bans the possession of or promoting use of more than six dildos.
It does make exceptions for people who have the multiples of the device for medical and law enforcement purposes.
Lmao. Police officers can legally use an array of didos for ‘law enforcement’.
You’ll be arrested if you cheer them on for it tho…
BUT if you can prove it’s medically necessary; you’re welcome to have a cornucopia of rubber cocks.
I think the DOJ needs to investigate how exactly the police in Texas have been using dildos in the performance of their duties…
They need to keep them on hand in case they find one and need to plant 6 more.
“Come out with your hands up or we send in the dildos!”
Suddenly the kidnappers realised they’d brought guns to a dildo fight and surrendered.
UHC denied my claim for my medically necessary dildo.
I have loose bowels, I need 7 dildos to plug it and stop my anal leakage.
