Policemen josh and wade showing up to a party:
Josh: “Alright Wade, let’s make sure there are not more than 6 erections in there.”
The One Star State is at it again. “Freedom” there is not really a thing since the government obviously owns the citizens.
Is there a limit on total footage? Does a double ended dildo count as two? Is a Christmas tree of dicks ok since it’s more than 6, but is Christian?
I assume a menorah of dildos is out.
Need to go candelabra style with them all attached at the base.
They just need to add a way to mount it to a gun and then its not a dildo, its a gun accessory.
Sounds like an interesting bump stock
Hump stock
Well that’s one way to finally make Republicans upset about school shootings… maybe
Like a swiss-army knife. (the AI refuses to render this.)
That’s why we will always need human artists
You rang?
Edit: … I think I should mark this nsfw. Um. No idea how though.
The instance doesn’t allow NSFW content, so I don’t think you get the option.
Luckily, this falls under a satire or parody exemption (probably), so I’m allowing it.
I hadn’t even considered that it might not be allowed at all, my mistake. Thank you for indulging me :)
This is beautiful
thank you, i try.
We need a global network of connected dildos. I propose to call it „Interdildo“
Imagine making some sort of open peer to peer sex toy network. Where you are randomly paired up with another person and you control their dildo and they control yours. But no other communication is possible. That would be a fun experiment.
Does a straw have two holes or one hole?
Yes
Straws have one hole.
Is your mouth and anus one hole?
Yes, and don’t forget to give your granny a kiss next time you visit.
I dunno, are the Christmas tree dicks circumcised?
Christmas tree dildos you say?
Sounds like the government wants to hoard most of the dildos to go fuck themselves. 🍆
Hairbrush and shampoo bottle sales about to go through the roof.
shampoo bottle
Besides banning the sale of sex toys, the Texas Obscenity Statute also specified the number of “obscene devices”—for example, dildos—a person could own: six. The number was not chosen at random, but rather because lawmakers assumed that people who owned more than six obscene devices that were identical or similar had the intent to distribute them.
Theoretically, it should be possible to have more than six obscene devices without by guilty of intending to supply them - cock ring, butt plug, fleshlight, dildo, strap-on, inflatable sheep, Ben Wa balls, nipple clamps and penis cage. All have different uses, all without intending to supply.
If supply was the concern (although I don’t kmoe why), perhaps criminalise that not the bottom drawer of my bedside table.
Ah so it’s basically like with drugs. Once you have more than a personal amount it’s possession with intent to distribute.
A personal amount is limited to one light evening alone as well.
Fine. I’m a defender of gun rights. No more than six or you intend to distribute. Let’s rock.
Also ear plugs.
If supply was the concern (although I don’t kmoe why)
There is no crime in America greater than unapproved economic activity.
Yes. Texas bans the possession of or promoting use of more than six dildos.
It does make exceptions for people who have the multiples of the device for medical and law enforcement purposes.
Lmao. Police officers can legally use an array of didos for ‘law enforcement’.
You’ll be arrested if you cheer them on for it tho…
BUT if you can prove it’s medically necessary; you’re welcome to have a cornucopia of rubber cocks.
I have loose bowels, I need 7 dildos to plug it and stop my anal leakage.
UHC denied my claim for my medically necessary dildo.
I think the DOJ needs to investigate how exactly the police in Texas have been using dildos in the performance of their duties…
“Come out with your hands up or we send in the dildos!”
Suddenly the kidnappers realised they’d brought guns to a dildo fight and surrendered.
They need to keep them on hand in case they find one and need to plant 6 more.
How…how are they enforcing this?
Guten Tag! Ve are here to inspect your bedroom. Vere are your papers for sese?
Herr Oberdildogeneral
A government so small it can fit inside your butthole.
Is it in yet?
You are sheltering them under the floorboards, are you not?
Wouldn’t surprise me if they treat toys like Sudafed. Gotta flash your ID to buy one.
“Open up, morailty police!”
“Sir, do you have more than 6 dildos on the property?”
Which episode is this from?
Its something to charge you with when the cops go on a fishing expedition at your house for weed or whatever else.
Its just a punishment law that cops get to use at their discretion totally fairly.
At least they can fuck themselves while they’re at it I guess
Need to make a proposal to limit cross walls to a maximum of 6 crosses.
I don’t know how to make a quote line but this one stood out to me and made me laugh.
“Parents do not consent to their children being exposed to obscene devices while shopping for toothpaste.”
What stores sell toothpaste next to adult toys?
My Walmart has them next to the pharmacy, 2 or 3 aisles away from the toothpaste
Meijer has them on the same aisle as the deodorant
It does baffle me that there are parents that think that a kid seeing that box will be ‘scarred for life’
Well, it may lead them to satan. As you know, only pure people go to heaven. So don’t even think about sex. And if you do, then better whip yourself until you forget about it or you pass out.
Funny how they use the word “consent” here that is usually used by progressive people to advocate for safe sex. This is surely done on purpose. To make it sound like seeing dildos in the store is something close to sexual harassment.
Funnily enough, they frame it as sexual harassment against the adults. As in “now I have to explain my child about sex toys”. And completely ignore the children’s perspective. If there was any risk in seeing sex toys, the children would be much more prone to getting “damaged”, as they are children. But since when do “conservatives” even care about the health and safety of children?
The parents should be very well able to deal with seeing sex toys. They are adults after all.
The children will not care about just seeing the sex toys. The biggest risk is that the parents scare them with a bad explanation, and then when they get older they will be scared of sex or think they need to do some things they don’t want to.
Conservatives have no qualm engaging in behaviors that they criticize in others. If they think something will let them get their way they will use it, regardless of double standards or hypocrisy.
That quote reminded me of this funny commercial https://youtu.be/_hgN4Fqulmw
The Meijer I shop at regularly has vibrators in the same aisle as toothpaste, might be the next aisle over but they’re real close to each other.
My local supermarket has sex toys on upper shelves in the family planning section, which is in the healthcare department. They don’t look like dongs, so people shouldn’t recognize what they are unless they know about them already. But kids might still ask their parents what that is on the shelf, and that is apparently worse than school shootings.
Yeah but have you considered that vibrators are very likely causing school shootings?
Vibrator goes brrrrrrr
Gun goes brrrrrr
Do you see the pattern?
Maybe they were talking about those vibrating obscene electric toothbrushes
Put
before the linetest
test
test test
test
test
test test
test
test
test test
test
test
test test
test
test testicles
I’m guessing that part is performative. I doubt there are dildos for sale at Walmart.
They sell small vibrators in discreet packaging, on the top shelf near the condoms.
My local walmart has a whole aisle, locked in a glass case. You have to go ask an employee to get your dildo for you.
Oh god, at that point you might as well just go to a sex shop. At least those employees deal with absolutely nothing else and are totally non-judgy about it…
I learned something new today!
Very discreet packaging indeed. I worked at Walmart for a short spell a while back and I stocked them a few times before finally I was like, “Whoa, Walmart sells sex toys!?”
Walmart absolutely sells vibrators and plugs. They’re in the section near the condoms, which does happen to be near the toothpaste/deodorant/shampoo area.
IANAL, but this law is (probably) not currently enforceable due to (among others) Lawrence v. Texas.
However, that was explicitly named as being on the chopping block, so at best it’s "not enforceable yet"
You said “anal”. Heh!
Yay! More small government and freedom!
Small government (for businesses) and freedom (to be a certain type of Christian)
Once again, SO glad to have left that shithole state after 42 years there.
Small enough to fit in your underwear drawer!
And yet they have such unearned pride as a bastion of freedumb.
Someone needs to make a Swiss army dildo.
That still only counts as one!
Well fuck me, I give up!
They’ll have to come and take them from my cold dead pu-… wait…
