I’ve always said I’m not afraid of dying alone. It’s because I always imagine dying is the thing at the end. A future event. But we’re all dying all the time. And being alone at the time of my death isn’t the thing to fear it’s being alone up to that time. It’s being alone now. That’s what dying alone is. And this realization makes me afraid.
I’ve been there, it’s not a big deal.
I was having a heart attack back in January but they needed to move me to a different hospital for surgery. Due to a snow and ice storm, I was stuck at hospital #1 for 2 extra days.
Wake up at 6 AM, fiddling on my phone. Nurse comes in:
“Hey, were you asleep about an hour ago?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Your heart stopped for 8 seconds.”
“. . . Um… ‘thank you’? I’m not sure how to respond to that…”
I never would have known. I have an implanted heart monitor now.
It can be a big deal if you’re actually aware of what’s happening.