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Why do people like this talk down to straight men, while asking for the allegiance? As an older person you young people aren’t very nice or accepting to each other.
You see all sorts of posts calling straight guys males, and telling them how awful and dangerous they are, but if you say “female” you’re Hitler. No wonder the young guys in the u.s feel hated
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I came here to say this. So many use, “cis” as though it’s a slur then demand support from the people they are throwing the slur at. I’ve been an aly my entire life but I’ve been labeled a transphobe twice over the last several months because I expressed a belief that wasn’t a full throated endorsement of the extremist dogma.
I’m native and I’ve been called a Nazi by white leftists this election cause I don’t agree fully with what they say.
The left really went off the deep end this election and became just as intolerant of different people within their own side, as they are of the right.
You’re not even American fuck off with this bs. 🤣
You’re all such xenophobes and racists now, even the left. You guys all a joke
No one uses cis as a slur you utter snowflake.
Are you cis? Cause if not how would you know?
I had to have a serious talk as a person of color with my gay sister in law and her wife, after she would casually refer to straight people as “breeders”. They couldn’t understand why I was connecting that word with racism, even after I explained what it meant in the slave South.
I’ve rarely seen a tweet or post that begins with “cis men…” That ends in anything but negativity
Name calling? Very mature.
I’m Canadian and the American left is wild this cycle. Hate. Name calling. Even racism. We’re all very disappointed around the world.
Who is this, “we’re all”, that you’ve appointed yourself spokesperson for? Given the poll numbers you’re speaking out your ass.
Oh I was backing you up cause someone name called you, and got immediately turned around to be a name calling jerk lol. The toxicity spreads. Why are people so offensive to strangers online? Cause we’re faceless I guess? Easier to be inhumane and offensive when you can’t see the person huh? Real mature
Acknowledging people are assholes and making them accountable isnt talking down.
Young guys feel hated because for a first time, they are growing up in a society that is no longer tolerateing toxic masculinity and unfortunately many have not grow up with good male role models, so they tend to latch onto peices of shit that teach them to blame all their problems on others and not self relfecting.
By generalising that X people are aholes you are talking down. What is your definition of toxic masculinity ? What would be a good male role model we have around ? iyo
Username checks out.
Ah. Yet another humorless dolt who is offended by a Simpsons joke. It must be tiring for you American authoritarian leftists, being the victims all the time, while you fuck up the world and look down on everyone who doesn’t follow your hard view to the letter
Whine some more, liberal.
Toxic, hateful American bigot. You guys used to come in just the red variety but this election they come in blue! If you’re even slightly to the right or left of someone, you’re instantly Hitler. I’m far more left than you, I’m just not a fucking baby and I know my duty to stand against fascist. You guys fuck the world then look down on everyone and moralize. This is why we hate you around the world. I used to hate your right wingers, now I’ve written of all you toxic, racist, disgusting fools. And yes, even racist leftists now. I’ve never experienced personal racism against me from the left until this election. You alienated me when you white kids called my native ass Hitler for disagreeing with you.
Liberal is the new insult you kids picked to replace Nazi
I’m far more left than you
Is that why you don’t seem to understand what a liberal is?
I’m just not a fucking baby
Weren’t you the person who was whining about the term “cis” just a while ago?
You alienated me
No, you did that to yourself.
We stopped accepting trash ppl like you a long time ago. We are sick of your shit. You are looked down on because you’re beneath us.
Away with you, thot.
Nah, there’s nothing louder than silence.
Wipe all expression from your face, and stare at them. Maybe just an expression of incredulity if this is out of character for them. That’s all it takes.
Bystanders will literally stop what they’re doing and watch. Their brains will scream “I’m about to be excluded from the group”, and they’ll start babbling. They’ll confess their sins and be harsher on themselves than anything you could say
If you don’t like their next words, give them nothing. Literally don’t respond, anything you give them is closure. Don’t give them closure, move on with your life - they can’t.
Don’t give them judgement, give them nothing. If you judge them, they can turn themselves into a victim or you into an enemy… Without a response, the only enemy is themselves, because they will crave your approval.
It’s like a teacher staring down a student who keeps talking until the whole class is looking at them, except they don’t know what to do to make it stop. So they try anything and wrack their brain for a solution. It seriously freaks people out
Note: this is less likely to work against neurodivergent people, they’ll just be confused. That’s how I learned to do this - I got annoyed and straight up asked a therapist why they kept staring at me when I was done talking. They explained the concept of a pregnant pause, and so I started using it.
And acquaintances started telling me how they were abused to explain their behavior and strangers started confessing how they cheated on their partners out of nowhere.
I get a lot of long apology emails the day after someone wrongs me, I now make an effort to give closure to everyone I like early and often.
Humans are tortured by this
I’m mostly onboard here, but there’s some nuance to consider.
Wipe all expression from your face, and stare at them. […] Bystanders will literally stop what they’re doing and watch.
Fact. Monkey see, monkey do. If you physically pass as someone older and wiser, this works even better.
Their brains will scream “I’m about to be excluded from the group”, and they’ll start babbling. They’ll confess their sins and be harsher on themselves than anything you could say
Plausible, but I think this outcome is one of many possible. Pressing on an individual’s psychological weak-spots can trigger a fight/flight/freeze/fawn reflex; your anecdotes are centered on the “fawn” response. I would caution the reader that, unless you know that person well, you really can’t predict which of the four you will get in this situation. If doing this you MUST be prepared for that fight reflex to kick in; they may get mouthy and/or physical. Social justice is important, but do take your opponent’s height, weight, build, and if they are armed into account, before proceeding.
Nah, that’s the beauty of it. You’re not the enemy. You’re not attacking them. You’re giving them absolute attention, but giving nothing back
It’s pure judgement. And they don’t know the verdict yet
Their fight response won’t be aimed at you, but they’ll certainly throw others under the bus. They might lash out at you, but they’ll quickly wilt when you still give with nothing. It’s just angry human noises, ignore them
Their flight response won’t kick in, because it overrides human instincts. Walking away is a conscious decision in this case, and most humans aren’t self aware enough to choose it
It’s the third path. You take all the power in the interaction, you cut off the other roads, and you engineer a choice that is only fawn or slink away quietly in defeat
Ah, so that’s the key. I’m not eager to try this, but I’ll absolutely keep it in mind should I need it. Thank you.
You’re very welcome, this is exactly the kind of tool I want to put in the right hands
But I do hope you don’t need it, so there’s also variants I hope you will use
The pregnant pause is the version I derived it from - instead of blanking your body language, you project encouragement and full attention. It makes people feel awkward, but it gives them the urge to keep talking to fill the silence
It’s a therapy tool, but great for any kind of teaching - for example, I have a friend with bad imposter syndrome who I’ve been mentoring in software development for the last few years. When I help him, he has a bad habit of shutting off his brain and second guessing himself. I’ve been telling him for a decade he has an aptitude for it, but all he saw was how I could glance at his code and zero in on the problem… But I’ve been doing this for almost 2 decades and I also have an aptitude for it, and no matter how much I tell him “it’s just experience, and you’re genuinely good at this” or “I only know because I’ve been in your situation before” he would shut down
So I’d hit him with the pregnant pause after asking a leading question to get him thinking along the correct lines. Sometimes he’s already too frazzled to think and I’ll just tell him the answer before it drags on uncomfortably long and he feels stupid, but usually he knows and I’ll give him validation before expanding on the topic
Last week, he called me to tell me he did the same thing for someone else. The week before, someone accused him of causing a bug and he stood his ground without rereading his code (correctly). He regularly calls me to tell me about a lesson of mine that has helped him, and more and more I have nothing more to add, I’m looking forward to the day when he pushes back against me
The key here is lack of judgement - you have to find a reason to give them validation immediately. From there you can break it down or correct them, but they need to feel good at the moment you give your verdict, even if what they said is wrong. Only then you correct them or expound on the topic
It’s good for any time you want to get someone talking or make them feel awkward - you can use it for jokes, teaching, or encouraging them to get something off their chest. So long as you do it right, it builds trust and deepens relationships - and again, the important bit is they must walk away feeling like you didn’t judge them when they opened up
Just be sure you want that deeper relationship with that person - everyone has horrible intrusive thoughts sometimes, and if you don’t fully believe in their fundamental goodness you might end up hearing things you aren’t equipped to deal with
Despite being LGBT+ that friend repeats shit blasted at him from far right social media, and I know he’s not that person so I help him unpack it and get to the core truths behind it (and he’s come a long way). I know my sister and closest brother are very empathic people, so when they say shit out of left field I know to break it down instead of taking it at face value
People often don’t know what they’re saying, because propaganda works - if you encourage people to open up to you unfiltered, you’ll cut deep if you don’t come from a place of understanding. But there’s great power there - people will tell you exactly what’s going on with them, and they’ll listen when you dive into it
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“Bro, not cool.” With a stern look always sets the homies straight.
friend says fucked up shit, asks if you agree
“What? No. Shit no! I believe you get your ass kicked for saying shit like that.”
Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays
Treat them like the printer ¯_(ツ)_/¯
“Do you hear yourself right now?”
I would never treat people the way I feel towards printers! Hateful, vile things…
“What the fuck dude, you’re talking like there’s no paper in tray two after I just filled it. Fuck off!”
PC LOAD LETTER
What the fuck does that mean?!
Nah. Don’t wait for them to ask. Tell them they are being an asshat. It’s good for them
Don’t believe that was in this fine piece of cinema. Ass Clown on the other hand…
This is legit why I have like two male friends left tbh. After 2016 I stopped giving a fuck. The problem… or maybe the cause in a way… is that I’m an oddly assertive introvert so it’s very easy for me to end up in a situation where I’m doing nothing but going off on people and making drama.
ITT: a lot of people reading this to be specifically and only for cis white men, but they’re talking about the power any in-group member has to shut down bigoted shit and that’s what we should be focusing on. In a space where the biggest in-group is black women this post would be about them, but the most common “in-group” (disproportionately so) is white cis men so that’s who they mention. If this is making you feel attacked or targeted then please set aside that part of it and don’t discard the actual message, because this is honestly something everyone should think about.
Anytime you’re accepted somewhere, whether in public or among strangers, you have a lot of social power when it comes to setting the tone of conversation - one loud idiot can make a space feel extremely hostile to an outsider, and if everybody gives a polite laugh instead of speaking up that idiot learns saying things like that is okay and the “outsider” learns they’re not truly welcome. Literally one person who speaks up instead of letting it fly can solve this - the message is to be that person, not to attack anyone in particular.
Look at you, with the hemispheres of your brain actually somewhat separate from one another.
It’s really refreshing to have someone actually get the meaning behind this meme instead of say ‘not all men’ or the equivalent.
I want to know why you, and so many others apparently, cannot grasp the idea of pointing out why one aspect of something is problematic without, by default, being an implication that the entire thing is wrong or that they hate all of it etc etc.
I’m not even offended by it, but I get why someone would be, but that doesn’t take away from the point of the post either. It’s really fucking weird and feels intellectually dishonest.
If this is making you feel attacked or targeted
As a “cis het white man”, I wouldn’t dream to feel attacked by this and find it mind-boggling how anyone could be so fucking braindead and/or tone-deaf that they would feel attacked. But here we are, in a world where there is a “soon to be Nazi-America” where there was once the united states of America.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Yep, that’s my go to as well.
word to the wise, don’t do this if you don’t have the physicality to back it up
That sounds like a threat?
I’m Ron Burgundy?
As soon as you van stop using weird vocabulary as “cis man”, i would start thinking about saying any of that.
Yes, there is a lotmof right wing bullshit going on but this entire Snowflake “Im special so we need to change language” is in large part what has pushed so many people to trump yo begin with.
To out it simple: you’re part of the problem. Fix yourself too
What a weird thing to say.
Why?
I see we’re in the “Trump was elected because of political correctness” phase. I remember this from 2015.
That actually was a big reason for loads of people, yeah. Instead of focussing on things that the majority of the US population would care about, Clinton went on about the he/his crowd, and lost
Ah, I didn’t appeal to the right wing voter base, what a shame.
As someone “on the right” this is actually good advice for the future. The left’s obsession with victimhood and the orwellian nomenclature for “identity” is tiresome to the average person.
“Cishet”, for example, is basically a pejorative for “normal person”.
Do you have the same problem with all adjectives that describe a majority? Heterosexual, right-handed, etc.?
Do you hear yourself right now?
Yes everyone would be cool with trans people and not bigots if only they didn’t use silly little acronyms
It isn’t an acronym.
CIS isn’t an acronym? What? (Non-native)
An acronym is a word which is formed by the first letters of a name for something, such as “laser” (Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation) or “radar” (RAdio Detecting And Ranging).
“Cis” isn’t that. It’s a Latin word which is the opposite of “trans”.
Lul, yes, I was supervised how much to think about using “disguising” causes any haters that automatically think you are on their side.
I would like to extend some but not all of these responses to situations like but not limited to:
- X Should be the first ones to be shot.
- They’re gonna make everything better.
- These people always think that Y.
- …
My personal go-to is, “They’re a human being, just like you.”
“… aren’t.”
In drag’s experience, calling someone a human is a tremendously vicious insult if you have cool enough friends.
Being human doesn’t make you good. Plenty of humans are monsters. They’re not some eldritch evil that simply started existing hating, they chose this.
That makes them worse, of course… but still very very human.
Yeah, humans are fucking awful, by and large. Just look at the entirety of human history.
Sadly, they often disagree. The whole basis of bigotry is the idea that I’m human and you’re less than.
My go-to is “Why do you think that is an okay thing to say?”
“I won’t let you talk to them that way” is a bad one that doesn’t belong on this list. It implies you’re in control of them, which you’re not. It’s essentially a bluff, and if they call it, you need to be able to beat them up.
To add more good phrases to this list, the phrases need to imply that the person still has their own agency (because they do), and that it’s just a dipshit way to use that agency. The other phrases are great.
