Your state likely has a web page designated for election results, so you could get information straight from the source for everything you voted for in your state and see which way your state goes for the presidential election. Your county website may also have a page to show whether any propositions were accepted or rejected.

I’m not sure about a better source to see where all 50 states’ results are reported. Maybe Balllotpedia has something that updates. I’m not sure the federal government would have something because the official results won’t happen until January 6 when a joint session of Congress reads and counts the votes from the Electoral College (who doesn’t vote until December 17).

The Philip DeFranco Show on YouTube.

Some More News will do a livestream of the results. They are usually on point with their analysis and sources.

Unironically, Hexbear.

i plan to just find out when someone on lemmy mentions it in passing

Just drink alcohol in the basement alone and check the internet in a week.

Open your neobroker app, if Trump won, the market will crash before it made the news.

Hasan Poker ain’t for everyone but he’s super knowledgeable and provides great context for ongoing issues. I mainly watch on YouTube so the clips are edited down and even more context (charts, sources, etc) are added.

Stay offline entirely, and read the result in a printed newspaper the next day

For just the results. Decision Desk HQ gets updated quickly, as they provide data to media outlets and others. I don’t think they require a subscription just for results. The AP does the same and generally “calls” states anyway. (As in, the networks will call the results when the AP does, though some have extra requirements like their own data team agreeing.)

Unless I take the extreme measure of touching grass, social media will keep me appraised unbidden.

I think the US news sites are going to post their live updates to their websites too, that is at least how it was the last few presidential elections (I think I mostly used CNN). That is the same data they use for their news coverage, so you could use that; but watching live television will give you a clue when important updates have happened on them.

Of course you could just follow election-related hashtags on Mastodon to get a wide variety of people shouting all kinds of things about the election.

fetal position in the bathtub, lights off, noize cancelling headphones playing static

Local news usually have a webpage or a YouTube channel keeping track of stuff too.