Only a Sith deals in absolutes
“You […]” makes pretty much anything an insult.
A positive word implies sarcasm. “You genius”. “You hero”.
A random noun drags out the negative aspect of the noun or implies lack of a brain. “You french fry”. “You paper bag”.
Adding a random adjective just strengthens the statement. “You british bathroom sink”. “You beautiful parking lot”.
Of couse it depends on delivery, and using random words makes some strange insults, but I rarely see “you […]” turn into a positive compliment.
“You genius” sounds like a compliment to me. A “funny” compliment. Would it be taken as sarcasm in the US? It really depends the tone I guess but in Australian english I wouldnt interpret it as sarcasm.
I think that changing it to something gramatically correct would make it into a compliment. “You are a genius” would make it positively charged. However, I would expect “you genius” to be something that, for instance, someone would exclaim when someone cuts their hand when trying to open an avocado. Meanwhile I think it would be strange to exclaim “you genius” when someone solves a partial differential equation. But it probably does rely on the tone.
Only a Sith deals in absolutes.
You absolute Sith lord
Absolute unit.
Whoops, I broke it.
Almost any adjective works. It’s the ‘you’ part that implies ire and intended denigration.
You incredible sock! You blind carrot! You empty bottle! You missing tooth! You complete thumb! You glazed pie! You stewed milk! You wet sandwich! You frosted toenail! You waxy discharge! You nauseous chifferobe!
Okay maybe not every one of them works but I think most of the time you can just put on a bad attitude and attach a adjective to an object to create some rare insults.
i wish these awesome posts weren’t blurry moldy screenshots cause I really wanna save them
sharpen (unsharp mask)
Are you saying they’re beyond salvation?
Too much absolutism in this thread.
Good, good.
or a decent screwdriver with absolut vodka
I’ve watched all of the Gordon Ramsey Kitchen Nightmares series and it’s full of these, except it’s usually fuckin’ instead of absolute.
My favorite is when after having lunch he went back to the kitchen to find they were just microwaving everything. The exchange went like this:
“Did I have anything for lunch that wasn’t microwaved?”
“your salad”
“Of course you don’t microwave a salad you fuckin’ donut”
It’s a very British thing. Like adding “ed” to anything to mean very drunk. Hammered, trollied, steamed, cunted etc.
And add absolutely to the front of almost anything to describe how pissed you were. I was absolutely trousered/shedded/etc
you absolut vodka
Equally if you write the word “totally” in front of any noun it means drunk.
“I’m totally suitcased”
That’s not a noun, is it.
Could be a system daemon process though.
This is absolute Reddit shit.
You absolute water bottle
You absolute strawberry plant
You absolute fishtank
You absolute houseplant
Yeah, this checks out
Close!
This has been a Brit thing for a decade or so, particularly Scots and Northern English. The idea is to use a noun that could already be a slightly insulting word to start with, like ‘potato’ in the example
You absolute donkey
You absolute cabbage
You absolute bin-bag
You absolute Belgian
Etc etc
On a similar note, with an “absolutely” and a word ending in “ed”, you get words which mean “very inebriated/stoned”
Common
- absolutely battered
- absolutely blathered
- absolutely pissed
- absolutely wankered
- absolutely trolleyed
- absolutely shitfaced
- absolutely twatted
Less common
- absolutely potatoed
- absolutely cultured
- absolutely traffic coned
- absolutely fishcaked
- absolutely Belgianed
- absolutely bin-bagged
- absolutely cabbaged
- absolutely Tobleroned
“absolutely” in this context can be replaced by “pure” if you’re a weegie
