Golfinger. I watched it for the first time couple years ago. I couldn’t believe the misogyny. It was disturbing.
You couldn’t make Deadpool 1 today because it already premiered on February 12, 2016 and today is Sep 5, 2024, and it’s philosophically impossible to make the same movie again.
That won’t stop them.
DC have remade Batman 900 times now
Technically you could, if the movie were a forgotten piece of media, or the makers happened to be entirely ignorant of it.
I don’t think you could make a Deadpool 1 again because they never made a Deadpool 1. You could easily make Deadpool again, they do that all the time and it kind of sucks because you have to label it like Deadpool (2016) and Deadpool (2024).
Mostly you couldn’t make Deadpool today because it takes way, way longer than that to make a feature length film. Maybe you could do a YouTube short or something if you get started now. It’s already almost noon.
Someone should produce two identically named films in the same year and watch IMdB burn while they try to disambiguate them.
deleted by creator
You couldn’t make Jaws today because the ubiquity of cheap drones means the shark would be tracked continuously until it left Amity Island.
I have to disagree. The shark spends the vast majority of its time underwater, not within viewing distance. And they didn’t tag it with any tracker.
Could they tag it with a tracker these days? Absolutely. But none of the individuals on board the Orca would likely have been funded for that, even including Hooper. He was a rich boy, but how rich could he have been if he’s hiring Quint instead of a proper crew on a research vessel?
He was a rich boy, but how rich could he have been if he’s hiring Quint instead of a proper crew on a research vessel?
That feels very “those billionaires wouldn’t have realistically gone down on that titan submersible” to me
Half of The Meg 2 is basically Jaws, but with Jason Statham Jason Stathaming the sharks
I mean, you could totally make Home Alone II today as long as you set it pre-9/11, so I take this to mean “these movies that were set in the ‘present day’ could not be redone and set in the ‘present day’ of 2024.”
You couldn’t make Back to the Future because 21st century streets are no place for minors on skateboards.
You couldn’t make American Beauty for a LOT of reasons (including prevalence of digital video, marijuana legalization, increased public awareness/concern about pedophilia, etc)
You couldn’t make Clueless because shopping malls are dead (or at least nowhere near as cool as they used to be)
You couldn’t make Trainspotting or Requiem for a Dream because heroin and cocaine are quaint drugs by 2020s standards
You couldn’t make Paris in Burning because Harlem gentrified big time
You couldn’t make The Matrix because no one would believe human batteries would be happy and content living in a simulation of 2024 (also no telephone booths)
I almost said The Truman Show because we basically live in that world already but fuck it, I wanna see a 2024 version where the producers have to keep desperately introducing crazier plot developments to try and compete for a TikTok-addicted audience unamused by “just another reality TV show”, and constant set issues like cast members getting fired right and left for sneaking smartphones onto set.
You couldn’t make The Matrix because no one would believe human batteries would be happy and content living in a simulation of 2024 (also no telephone booths)
Rewatch the movie. Smith says, slightly paraphrasing, “We tried to make the Matrix a paradise, where none would suffer, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. Many wouldn’t accept the programming, entire crops were lost.”
So they simulated life as it was, complete with shitty apartments and asshole bosses.
He also talks about how they chose 1999 very intentionally for the simulation, as it was the peak of human civilization before the era of the machine. But nowadays instead feels like we’re already entering the era of the machine: we spend most of our time on devices and are surrounded by surveillance and now AI is entering the mix. Plus the 2020s also has featured a variety of other dystopian features like pandemic, inflation, extreme inequity, growing monopolies, the rise of fascism, and a very real chance of WWIII from multiple directions among them.
You have to remember 1999 was in fact an exceptionally peaceful and optimistic time in western society (at least in the US, which is where the film focuses on), but the year still had its “everyday woes,” making it the setting with a perfect balance between an ideal life and a crappy one. 2024 is way too far in the crappy direction.
Yeah, but 2024 sucks way too much for the premise that it’s as good as the human brain will accept.
Trainspotting with Meth would be… A train wreck…
I kinda want to see this now
You couldn’t make Clueless because shopping malls are dead (or at least nowhere near as cool as they used to be)
Not in smaller towns, but big malls in bigger cities are still thriving.
As an European, it boggles my mind that small town malls were ever a big thing in the US.
In my country, cities still have malls, but small towns never did. There’s just not enough people + anyone who wants to go shopping will just go to the nearest city.
Then again, I guess our cities are American small towns by population…
Small town America didn’t have a “third space”. That’s essentially what made malls successful.
European small towns still have a walkable city center of some kind with restaurants and shops. Shopping malls are America’s version of the European city center.
True, but it’s less of a universal experience than in the 90s, and thus would be significantly less relatable to a growing population of teens, many of whom have few or no accessible third spaces left. My understanding is it’s mostly upscale malls and shops that are still thriving; most other standard mall retail has moved online.
(also no telephone booths)
Speaking of telephone booths: With their disappearance the 2001 movie “Phone Booth” also lost its location.
You couldn’t make Back to the Future because 21st century streets are no place for minors on skateboards.
Delete this misinformation.
I wish we lived in a world where I could
I mean, you could totally make Home Alone II today as long as you set it pre-9/11
Yeah, it’s like saying “you couldn’t make Saving Private Ryan, because Europe is no longer at war”.
Europe is currently at war.
I think you’re absolutely correct, but I think the difference between “Home alone today” vs “Save private Ryan today” is, that when thinking about home alone, because the story is essentially time/context agnostic, they might imagine in being today, but in the save private Ryan it is specifically refering to 2nd world war, so noone would think about it being placed in today’s world But yeah, I agree with you. I could totally imagine a big movie creator lobbying government(s) to hamper war-ending efforts, so they can film there authentically, if it was easier than to do it in a studio
Saving Private Ivan
You could set it in Ukraine.
You couldn’t make Casablanca today because that movie already exists.
I mean, technically you could still make it though… it likely wouldn’t sell any copies, but then again look at Skibidi, or better yet, don’t:-D.
I enjoyed that clip, thank you for sharing.:-)
It’s a fantastic show if you haven’t seen it. The first half of season one can be a little rough, but it really picks up in season 2 and beyond. It’s amazingly well written, and has visual gags that you don’t notice until the second or third time watching.
The show seems too “realistic” to me, as in its jokes hit too close to home where it hurts 🤕:-P, but that’s why I appreciate clips like these that show off its great depth well in shorter form.
Although whoever was downvoting you seems to disagree - I guess the show is controversial? (Casue if people did not get the joke, then why bother downvoting?)
You couldn’t make Blazing Saddles these days. They’d take one look at the script and go
spoiler
“We can’t make this, this is Blazing Saddles, they made it 40 years ago. Do you want Mel Brooks to sue us?”
I thought they would go:
spoiler
Love watching this movie on network TV.
They leave in all the N-words and censor the farts.
well no one wants to hear such an abbhorant sound coming from their television now would they?
*Marge farts* “Well, that shut me up…”
Funny story Mel Brooks actually did an animated version of Blazing Saddles called The Legend of Hank to prove that he absolutely could make it today.
It’s basically the same concept but with samurai instead of cowboys.
“Ain’t no business like shogun business.”
Huh. TIL.
Though the actual argument for why you couldn’t make Blazing Saddles now is the the entire genre it’s lampooning is dead.
The humor is pretty much still fine and flies, other than Mel playing a Native American, but even that is still kinda-maybe-sorta-okayish-maybe? since Mel’s character isn’t the butt of the joke, but other than that brief scene I can’t recall anything that watching now makes me cringe.
I think the Mel Brooks scene is satirizing old Hollywood’s habit of casting whites in the roles of poc. Plus, I don’t see how a yiddish speaking native could be offensive to anybody.
You might be right, and maybe the reference to old Hollywood was more subtle and went over my head.
3 weeks after release Israel starts setting up fences around a small bit of Arizona and calls it the very west bank.
Missed opportunity for wild west bank.
Oh, that is much better.
I think it’s the fact that he speaks Yiddish in that scene rather than…well anything else. I can kind of read it as a comment on the tendency of the Western genre to cast white actors in deerskin clothing and feather headdresses instead of actual Native Americans…so I’m kind of willing to file it in the same folder as Robert Downey Jr. wearing blackface in tropic thunder. For that scene to be made today I’d want to see that point more clearly made, and I’d want real Native Americans involved in the production to be on board with it.
I think the big difference with Tropic Thunder is that the IDEA of black face is very explicitly the joke. Robert Downey Jr’s character and the idea of black face is what is being made fun of.
You might be right that it’s a commentary on Westerns, and it went over my head, and maybe because it was made when it was you didn’t have to be as explicit with the target of the joke it was just more subtle. The scene certainly doesn’t feel hateful, but it’s definitely odd to watch today. But given how explicitly the movie is making fun of racists and racism I’m certainly willing to give it some benefit of the doubt.
Yeah the blackface in Tropic Thunder is very much in the text of the film. I seem to remember it being a direct parody of a Vietnam War movie where a white actor unironically played a black man, but I may be Mandela Effected because I can’t find any references to this.
Mel Brooks playing an Indian Chief in a short scene in Blazing Saddles…doesn’t really have room for it to be in the text, but given the movie has an overall theme of racism in Westerns I think the subtext at least could be there. Especially since this movie leans on, breaks, then demolishes and spills out through the fourth wall, it has that same “we’re actors playing roles” mechanic that Tropic Thunder does. Slim Pickens even delivers the line “I’m working for Mel Brooks!”
Men in Tights, however…
What’s wrong with Men in Tights?
Every decent joke in the film was a repeat from a previous, better Mel Brooks film.
They roam around the forest looking for fights.
I watched it recently with my kids and it was a bit cringey, in that the humor seems to be targeted at teenage boys. Spaceballs was much better.
I feel that people who think Blazing Saddles is too risque to get made today are the butt of the jokes they thought were funny.
As a side note: I thought I liked Westerns because I loved Blazing Saddles. Then I watched a few Westerns during the pandemic and now I realize I just like Blazing Saddles. lol
I am looking forward to whatever he comes out with in Space Balls 2 though. That’s going to be fun. And Rick Moranis will be back!
They couldn’t make Mrs Doubtfire in this day & age - no one would believe Pierce Brosnan and Sally Field make enough money to afford a live-in nanny.
Also, they couldn’t make Mrs. Doubtfire 2. Full stop. There will never be a sequel to that magnificent gem.
Also Robin Williams is dead.
And then there’s the whole drag thing.
It’d be spotted immediately, like Tobias as Mr. Fingerbottom.
Everyone would just accept that they hired a drag queen for a nanny.
Mrs Featherbottom
When Maeby calls him Mr Fingerbottom he only corrects the “Mrs.”
I thought Pierce Brosnan’s character was some sort of rich guy. I forget what Sally Field did.
Yeah, he is a rich dude, whole thing in the script about his luxury car. However Sally and Robin Williams? Absolutely could not afford that house in SF today.
There’s a lot of real middle class families in SF who have a house like that…because one of their grandparents bought it in 1933 and they inherited it
So millionaires
Yeah
Today on house hunters international…
Heathers.
Revenge of the Nerds.
They tried to make a modern Heathers… and it REALLY didn’t work.
Same with Mean Girls
What was is called?
There’s actually 2 recent versions.
A tv show that was pretty up its own ass in trying to paint the new Heathers as overtly millennial.
And a musical which I’ve only seen the TV adapted version of and it was… decent.
I dunno man, I grew up with the original as a favorite of my early and mid-teens so I probably have some sacred cows about it that prevent me from accepting any updates as something more than a pale imitation.
Revenge of the Nerds would work but it would be all the worst characters in the Zoomer Generation. And maybe they would treat the themes of alcoholism and rape a little differently.
And also the Javelin throw scene wouldn’t work because the Javelins are heavily regulated by the modern rules.
That’s slightly political.
You couldn’t make Home Alone 2: Lost in New York today because Macaulay Culkin is an adult now and nobody wants to see a grown man playing a young child.
There was a remake idea floating around the Internet, even with a petition and such, that asked for the first Home Alone to be remade, but to still cast Macauley Macaulay Culkin Culkin as 8 year old Kevin without anyone acknowledging the age discrepancy.
Culkin even chimed in at some point and tweeted that he would be down for it. And honestly? I would definitely watch that.
I thought fan canon was that Kevin McAllister grew up and became Jigsaw?
You couldn’t make Star Wars (1977) today because we haven’t figured space travel yet
I mean if the consequences of a major terrorist attack aren’t political reason I don’t know what is
Political correctness* was the caveat in the post
Also you couldn’t make Home Alone 2 today because most of the actors are a lot older now.
That one guy who gives Kevin directions is 78 now!
Now I want to see a 44-year old McCauley Culkin doing a new home alone, where his kids forget him at home.
I want to see a new Home Alone where 44-year old McCauley Culkin plays an 8 year old and no one acknowledges that he isn’t actually 8 years old.
Hey if Martin Short could do it, so csn McCauly
I’d rather see a remake/reboot where Culkin plays a character similar to old man Marley, accidentally scaring the kid character as a local urban legend. Similar to the scene in the church in the classic, he could empathize with the kid of the movie by talking about how he once wished that his family left him alone in that time of year too, and he quickly found that he regretted that wish and he missed them terribly. A decent writer could roll with that concept and still make it a great scene where the kid has wise advice to impart so it’s not just a soulless excuse for people to go “hey, that’s OG Kevin!” I’m not that writer, but hopefully a good writer reads this and can get a solid idea together to pitch so I can see that movie in my lifetime.
And he has early stage parkinsons, with hilarious consequences? I like your thinking, kiddo. you’re hired!
The Critic did that joke way back in the 90s.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fonlEU7dFwA
And if you’re interested in The Critic, I’ve authored the definitive episode guide and I suggest you BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK!
The peanut, is neither a pee nor a nut.
That shit had little kid me rolling on floor. And I still laugh thinking about it. Iirc it was the critics dad who said it… and for some reason I think he was on the ceiling when he said it.
Also I could not find your book on Amazon or at my local library.
Home Alone where Culkin plays Kevin again, but he’s an adult and paranoid about people breaking into his house while his wife is on vacation, so he’s rigged the whole thing as a death trap.
Remake Don’t Breathe but with an adult Kevin, essentially.
I wanna see a modern Zombie movie with how people would actually react to news of a zombie outbreak given how people behaved during the pandemic
Zombies ain’t rea…OH GOD ITS EATING MY FACE…still don’t believe it, he’s just on drugs.
Krokodil!
“Don’t look up” is essentially the simulation of a modern apocalypse scenario
The movie follows a minimum wage delivery driver in his armored car plowing through hordes of zombies to deliver pizza to the safe houses where people are hiding out.
Edit: When he delivers the pizza, the survivors complain it is cold and don’t tip. He backs his truck through their security fence, letting the zombies in and drives off to the next delivery.
Get bitten on purpose to prove its a hoax and own the libs
I’m 100% that there would be some esoteric cult microdosing zombie blood to build resistance
-
Half the population claims it’s all a hoax and lets zombies bite them because anything else is a violation of their freedoms
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Large swaths of gun owners take to the streets, and half of them die quickly because they put more money into the number of guns they had or making them tacticool instead of putting rounds through them or sighting them in.
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It gets overly politicized.
-
The literal collapse of civilization, yet some corners of the government and billionaires are still trying to milk out the last drop of money
Don’t look up was basically this but a meteor instead of zombies. It was honestly kind of a depressing movie lol
What’s crazy is that they made the movie before the pandemic, but it was almost a parody of the trump administration and the response to covid.
Well, It also works as a nice allegory for climate catastrophe.
That’s what it was written as.
I actually think it would be good uniting force for a divided country:
- The “it’s a hoax” portion of the population will simply become zombies
- The “we love guns” portion of the population can now take their life frustrations out on the zombies
- The “we need to fix this world” portion of the population will learn to fight too and provide vital aid and supplies to the (likely growing) “we love guns” group
- The “we need run away from this madness” portion of the population will just hunker down and play on their smartphones
Either way, everyone kind of wins
I think you’re a little off on the “we need to fix this world” guys.
Although zombie films / TV series lean heavily into the action side of things, that’s just because it’s more entertaining than watching people building things, developing tech, doing scientific research.
Remember with COVID 19? Huge numbers of people immediately set out to find a cure, inventing and deploying ways to prevent and monitor the spread, creating pop-in treatment centres, etc.
The game series Dead Rising does the last bullet point with Zombrex, the 24 hour zombie prevention drug, which they need zombie outbreaks to make the drug so the pharmaceutical company starts causing them.
You forgot the activists protesting for zombie’s rights to eat our brains
Gun owners patrol the streets shooting at the cdc
Shaun of the Dead kind of did it.
-
Avenue 5 has a pretty funny scene where a series of skeptical conspiracy theorist types are ignoring a very specific warning, claiming that the people they see dying before their very eyes are an illusion some kind of special effects and each follows to their own death.
“No, I am not going with you to a concert in the park! There’s a zombie horde out there! We’ll get bitten!”
“Hey, even the WHO says it’s not an apocalypse anymore. The zombies are endemic now. You can’t live your life in fear.”
“Your mom was eaten by zombies literally last week.”
“Yeah but she had diabetes. There’s always gonna be people with preexisting conditions who are gonna be more vulnerable.”
“At least wear your denim jacket to make it harder for them to bite you!”
“There was a study in the Lancet that said heavy clothes don’t work.”
“You know full well that what they found was that requiring heavy clothes didn’t work because people just got bitten at the times when they weren’t wearing them.”
“The author himself said jackets don’t work.”
“He said that after he was bitten and just before demanding our brains!”
“Okay, sheeple. Oh, hey Mom. We’re just heading out to the concert.”
“Wait, your mom is here? I thought she was…”
“BRAAAAIINSSS…”
“You LET HER BACK IN after she died and came back as a zombie!?”
“Dude, she’s not infectious anymore. She caught it like four days ago.”
“That is NOT how this works! What… DON’T HUG HER!”
“Bye Mom, love you…ow!”
“She just bit you, didn’t she.”
“Nah, I’m fine. Let’s go to the concert.”
There’s a series called The Bite, it was filmed during earlier quarantine times of the ongoing pandemic and features a bunch of cast from The Good Fight. Is good.
Zombie deniers being eaten as they continue to insist it’s a liberal hoax.
Unrelated but I was thinking if it was a zombie outbreak. And I’m stuck in a retirement home. Am I safe? They can’t bite me, they don’t have teeth
I was gonna say Independence Day, for this reason. “Fake news, probably just CHINA! Sad!”
Feed, by Mira Grant, is fun because it takes place years after a zombie uprising, but in a world where George Romero movies existed, so everyone knew what to do. It was a catastrophe, but not an apocalypse.
In this version, all the zombies are in line for toilet paper outside the grocery store.
In the sequel, you combine it with The Mummy, where they use the mummy for toilet paper.
As written and performed by Simon Pegg.
28 Days Later had a dinnertable conversation that was exsctly like how people were talking during covid.
Isn’t that the “… but then it wasn’t in news reports anymore; it was in our back yards, and coming in the windows…” monologue? Excellent scene.
We couldn’t make Night of the Living Dead because it’s daytime.
You couldn’t make Back to the Future II today because a possitive outlook on the future is no longer believable even for a family film.
You couldnt make back to the future today because their future is already in our past, their future (2015) is already 9 years ago now
I can’t tell if the thread has some sort of running gag or if you’re actually confused by the concept.
You don’t have to make the future 2015. You don’t have to make the past 1960s. You’re making the film, today, not when it was actually made, thats the entire point of the prompt.
I feel like the future being 2015 is extremely in line with the gag.
I feel like the future being 2055 is extremely in line with the gag. Because we make the movie in 2025. And the plot is going 30 years into the future.
You just have to switch the first and second future, the default future is the Biff timeline, then you have to change the future to make the hoverboard timeline.
That would actually be so cool but I can already see the scathing online criticisms:
“New WOKE BTTF2 ruins a family movie with vulgar dystopian future, not an ounce of original thinking in the writer’s room. Entire second act of film missing as plot is resolved in only 1 trip.”
Might be better to just stick to original stories and concepts, tbh.
