cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/16589408

Places like gay bars and cafes were made with the explicit purpose of creating a safe space for LGBTQ+ folk. We HAD to create safe spaces because so many straight people want to inflict harm on us or wish that we were exterminated. Being around you means we cannot be ourselves fully because we will always hesitate. We will always wonder “Are you one of the good ones?” We spend our lives tiptoeing around straight people wondering if we can be ourselves or if we have to hide it to protect us from the psychotic amount of negativity and hatred that we have to deal with for merely existing.

I don’t care if you’re one of the good ones or not. By simply being there you are changing the entire makeup of an LGBTQ+ space. You are adding in fear, apprehension and confusion into a place that was never supposed to have it. Moreover, you’re treating us like a novelty. Like we made this place for you to feel safe in. You are ignoring us and forcing us out of our own spaces. There are multiple “gay bars” that I have been to that no longer have predominately gay clientele and have started leaning towards advertising for straight people. Why? Because so many people showed up to “feel safe” that it pushed every single one of us out.

It isn’t for you. You do not belong there. Stop feeling and acting so entitled to a place that has nothing to do with you and that was made with the explicit purpose to be free from you. Give us back our spaces that we made for us and stop whining when we dare to say that.

Your feelings are not more important than our identity, safety and peace of mind.

  • riquisimo@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    0·
    5 months ago

    But cis outnumber non-cis by a great margin. When cis women go to gay bars to avoid straight men hitting on them, isn’t it bothersome to the lesbians who now have to filter out the straight women from the potential flirting pool?

    I would say, that if straight women ended up flocking to gay bars, then gay bars would start looking attractive to hostile straight men, but I don’t think hostile straight men would feel comfortable in a gay bar, at least not until the atmosphere had gotten very straight.

    I feel like OP is arguing that this is a slippery slope (more straights in gay bars eventually fizzles out the gay bar), and most of the opposition is arguing that it is not (I can invite a friend now and then and the gay bar is still a gay bar.)

    • Lmaydev@programming.devEnglish
      0·
      5 months ago

      I don’t think gay bars filter by cis-ness. Many gay people are cis.

      I also don’t think lesbians struggling to get laid is the issue here. I could be wrong though.

      Also the majority of women I know are bi to some degree, so I don’t think you can filter most people out that way either. But that may just be selection bias.

      I think if bars wanted to cater to only certain demographics then they could make that clear.

      This doesn’t seem to be the opinion of the majority by a long shot. I’ve often been invited to gay bars. I mean I am bi but I’m not massively open about that.

      • riquisimo@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
        0·
        5 months ago

        I’m embarrassed to say, that since I’ve only ever heard “cis” when in reference to sight people, I thought cis just meant straight.

        I’ve done looked it up and now understand what it really means. In my previous comment, mentally replace “cis” with “straight” to get what I meant.