cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/16589408

Places like gay bars and cafes were made with the explicit purpose of creating a safe space for LGBTQ+ folk. We HAD to create safe spaces because so many straight people want to inflict harm on us or wish that we were exterminated. Being around you means we cannot be ourselves fully because we will always hesitate. We will always wonder “Are you one of the good ones?” We spend our lives tiptoeing around straight people wondering if we can be ourselves or if we have to hide it to protect us from the psychotic amount of negativity and hatred that we have to deal with for merely existing.

I don’t care if you’re one of the good ones or not. By simply being there you are changing the entire makeup of an LGBTQ+ space. You are adding in fear, apprehension and confusion into a place that was never supposed to have it. Moreover, you’re treating us like a novelty. Like we made this place for you to feel safe in. You are ignoring us and forcing us out of our own spaces. There are multiple “gay bars” that I have been to that no longer have predominately gay clientele and have started leaning towards advertising for straight people. Why? Because so many people showed up to “feel safe” that it pushed every single one of us out.

It isn’t for you. You do not belong there. Stop feeling and acting so entitled to a place that has nothing to do with you and that was made with the explicit purpose to be free from you. Give us back our spaces that we made for us and stop whining when we dare to say that.

Your feelings are not more important than our identity, safety and peace of mind.

  • chumbalumber@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    0·
    5 months ago

    To add, this is not a hypothetical; it has real world consequences. When I was at uni, there was a queer night at the college bar. One of the guys there went off at my friend because my friend was in a straight relationship and had turned up. My friend got upset and left. My friend is bisexual, and at the time wasn’t out and was taking baby steps into the queer scene.

    If you heavily police who is and isn’t allowed at queer nights, you bar those that benefit from it most: those who aren’t already a part of a queer community, and looking to test the waters.

    Not only that, but you end up making cishet passing queers feel unwelcome and uncomfortable. Questioning or early transition trans people already have vanishingly few spaces where they can feel welcome and, crucially, safe, without having to worry about whether they’ll have their validity picked at by the Gay Police TM. Aces also have their validity questioned a lot too, which is cringe.

    Bottom line: don’t try to police who is and isn’t allowed in queer spaces.

    • Ifera@lemmy.worldEnglish
      0·
      5 months ago

      Thank you for saying this, as a straight looking gay guy, who started going to gay bar as the “straight ally friend”, because I wasn’t ready to come out due to all the homophobic culture I was raised in, those welcoming gay spaces were my lifeline. They gave me a place to start freely being who I am, who I was so desperately trying to hide and deny.

      People like you are the reason I have the courage now, to have a boyfriend, and hold hands on our way to the market, so thank you.

      • chumbalumber@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
        0·
        5 months ago

        You are more than welcome, and I’m so glad that you and your boyfriend have found happiness and each other. To many more years of it!