cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/16589408

Places like gay bars and cafes were made with the explicit purpose of creating a safe space for LGBTQ+ folk. We HAD to create safe spaces because so many straight people want to inflict harm on us or wish that we were exterminated. Being around you means we cannot be ourselves fully because we will always hesitate. We will always wonder “Are you one of the good ones?” We spend our lives tiptoeing around straight people wondering if we can be ourselves or if we have to hide it to protect us from the psychotic amount of negativity and hatred that we have to deal with for merely existing.

I don’t care if you’re one of the good ones or not. By simply being there you are changing the entire makeup of an LGBTQ+ space. You are adding in fear, apprehension and confusion into a place that was never supposed to have it. Moreover, you’re treating us like a novelty. Like we made this place for you to feel safe in. You are ignoring us and forcing us out of our own spaces. There are multiple “gay bars” that I have been to that no longer have predominately gay clientele and have started leaning towards advertising for straight people. Why? Because so many people showed up to “feel safe” that it pushed every single one of us out.

It isn’t for you. You do not belong there. Stop feeling and acting so entitled to a place that has nothing to do with you and that was made with the explicit purpose to be free from you. Give us back our spaces that we made for us and stop whining when we dare to say that.

Your feelings are not more important than our identity, safety and peace of mind.

  • Donut@leminal.spaceEnglish
    0·
    5 months ago

    So when my gay friend invites me to come over to the gay bar for a few drinks, I should refuse because it would make them unsafe?

    • Riker@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      0·
      5 months ago

      You should refuse out of common courtesy. Your gay friend doesn’t get to override the entire purpose of those spaces. Your gay friend doesn’t get to make everyone else feel unsafe. Your gay friend might know that you’re okay but the rest of the bar doesn’t. We go there with the expectation that other people are going to be gay. You know, thus the term ‘gay bar’. We go there to be amongst ourselves and not to have to worry even for a second that someone is going to be outside of the group and working against us.

      We’re currently on stage 3.

    • whodatdair@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      0·
      5 months ago

      Idk fwiw I’m pretty queer and I disagree with OP. As long as you’re an ally and respect the space and accept that you might get hit on by dudes or approached on the dance floor, go.