Missed ‘no simps’ but I guess that was on purpose.
I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again: Satire is nigh-impossible when reality is already this ridiculous.
The first time I saw this quote I thought it was from Starship Troopers…
I’ve said “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again” before, and I’ll say it again.
Satire has to be believable
Is part of Hegseth’s mental health problems that he can’t grow a beard. It wouldn’t be the first time in history (Alexander the Great famously count grow a beard and forced his troops to be clean-shaved).
From my understanding, it’s to keep black people from serving. They have to be clean shaven and unfortunately black people tend to get really bad razor bumps which isn’t accepted.
No epi-ladies, only warriors!
New dog whistle unlocked.
There was in fact an exception process that Hegseth removed
it’s to keep black people from serving
Sounds fake
https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2025/09/hegseth-military-shave-waiver-black-troops/
Yeah, why would this white supremacist administration make racist policies?
This impacts at most 16300 troops, and there are 162000 black men in service. They’re going to need a much better strategy to get the blacks out if it’s racially motivated… Not to mention the 60000 black women unaffected by this
~10%? That’s a pretty solid fraction, certainly not bad when you still need to maintain plausible deniability.
That figure includes whites and you’re comparing it to black men only. Blacks in service represent 60% of the diagnosis so only 60% of that figure can be expected to be black men.
I.e. closer to 4%
https://taskandpurpose.com/news/military-beards-break-gas-mask-seal/
It’s impossible to prove intent, but it is a policy of systemic racism. Intentional or not, it does have the effect of preventing black people from serving, or from being promoted.
It’s also about gas masks, can’t from a seal with a beard.
That’s the excuse, and the logic appears to make sense, but I think I recall it being tested and not really being much of a factor. That’s what makes it a good dog whistle though. People will rush to say “it makes them unfit for duty because the equipment won’t function” without looking further, so then the racist policies get protected and they don’t have to actually justify the racism.
https://taskandpurpose.com/news/military-beards-break-gas-mask-seal/
Yeah :(
Lack of evidence is not evidence of absence, just because a study hasn’t been conducted does not mean beards don’t interfere with wearing a gas mask.
Not having a jaw would probabry affect it too but there’s no studies on that, yet nobody would claim it wouldn’t
I’ve seen it tested, and it doesn’t really. I have no idea if there’s studies on that but, like you said, there isn’t evidence, so why would we have this restriction? If they actually cared about this reasoning, they’d put money into testing it. However, disproving it would remove their ability to use it to justify exclusion, if this is the reason instead of functionality.
Just think about it. If you put enough force on beard hairs they are pretty firmly against the skin. They don’t push the gas mask away. There aren’t really going to be any gaps. It just doesn’t logically make sense if you consider it for more than a second.
I have a beard and it affected the seal and operation of a GP5 gas mask when I had to wear one, which is quite a feat if you’ve seen a GP5 mask
I’m not familiar with what the US is doing but politicians make retarded changes all the time knowing anything about what they are doing or how things work in the real world
Dude has the attitude to go with his McNamara-ass haircut
The fuck is a beardo?
It’s a wild thing. So the term grew out of the manosphere actually, it was mainly a term for present fathers who steered their boys away from that garbage because they recognized it was only going to hurt them. It kind of grew from there to encapsulate everything they hate. Now, they associate beards with hipsters, dads, LGBT+, nerds who like games, music, books, theatre, and basically any man with a soul and two brain cells to rub together, which is precisely who they see as the enemy because they’re so transparently evil.
So basically a wholesome father with a big bushy beard.
Basically, the stereotypical image of the man they want to be little spoon for.
How Freudian of them
Exactly. They’ve been working real hard to make it about gas masks in the military, which is a thing, but that’s not why they’re going off about it. “Beardos and Weirdos” specifically is a dog-whistle for men who actually have honestly held values, don’t consider sex, violence, and substance abuse the point of life, and try to be a mentor, a partner, a part of a community or who otherwise contradicts their narrow, machismo-laced, lecherous and reductive definition of “Man.”
Look here now, a man can enjoy sex, violence, and substance abuse(not necessarily in that order) a whole lot without it becoming a part of their personality. Plenty of us are happy to be degenerates in private
Username checks…
GreenBeardo!
Do you think his beard is green or is he a green person with a beard?
So like a normal guy then?
I wish
No it’s just a racist dog whistle. By far the group that gets the most facial hair waivers in the military are black men. They just don’t want blacks in the military anymore.
To explain the facial hair wavers to my fellow straight-hair-phenotypes: forcing to shave too closely, can lead to really big, painful infections and scars from ingrown hairs if you have curly-phenotype hair.
You can shave close enough for a gas mask to work, but in an organization that had its rules build around the bodily and cultural “normal” of white people, you might still need a facial hair waver.
Yeah the waivers are definitely a good thing. Black men often have very coarse, tightly wound facial hair. Some of the dudes I served with would get the worst ingrowns and without a waiver they’d still have to just shave over them, causing nasty sores.
Oh ya I get it, just wanted to shorten your more complex definition for some folks. I can hardly comprehend the amount of fucking idiocy and blind hate occurring in the us gov right now. They shit all over the so-called values they very vaguely pretend to support.
Idk which they hate more: attentive loving husbands and fathers or people who actually use freedom
Damn, and here I was thinking it was about no-shave chits (which has racial undertones, because black men are more prone to razorbumps (basically ingrown hairs which can be extremely painful)).
I mean, it’s the US, you dig into anything deep enough and you can find racist undertones, because American society is built on racism. That said the particular phrase “Beardos and Weirdos” did in fact evolve out of the manosphere to describe any man of any race who didn’t fall in line with them ideologically. Like so much of what they do, it just happens to also particularly disadvantage black men by virtue of their ideal being grounded in “whiteness.”
Well I’m saying that in the military context specifically, it’s well-known that the vast majority of shave-chit holders (i.e., people who can have beards) are black men. There was a whole thing a few months ago when they banned shave-chits, and a large part of the discussion was how it would disproportionately affect black men, and how this is one part of a larger strategy to push black men out of the military.
So within that context, yes, this statement by Hegseth absolutely does carry racial undertones, and you don’t have to dig very deep to uncover that. It’s not a conjecture, that statement was thinly-veiled racism.
Holy shit I’m inadvertently outing myself as giving a shit about people.
Has anyone told them that they can take estrogen to lose those peaky beards?
Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. The change to the follicles is permanent, one needs laser hair removal or electrolysis to destroy each one.
That’s not to say someone couldn’t tell them…
Oh, the men who actually get laid. Couldn’t have that!
Great explanation. Ashamed to say I would have thought it was another term for ‘neckbeard’ judging only by the sound of it lol
That really explains why chuds hate Kratos so much.
Specifically in the military it refers to those in favor of loosening facial hair standards beyond just tiny mustaches, plus some service members that discovered and successfully exploited the “Heathen loophole.”
Really it’s just Pete’s preference toward big burly white hairless men that will follow his commands.
What’s the heathen loophole?
Beards are apparently a part of Heathen and Norse Pagan religion, so claiming the religion allowed them to grow and maintain a full beard as a religious exemption. That’s since gone away with Hegseth’s purge of almost all non-Abrahamic religions.
Everyone knew it was a loophole being exploited and not a bunch of people having spiritual awakenings all of a sudden. But a loophole is much more preferable to a Christian Nationalist leader determining what is and isn’t a valid religion.
Ok, yeah that makes a lot of sense. And yeah, when it comes to stuff like this you wind up in an awkward position where you have to allow loopholes to avoid prohibiting sincere religious convictions, especially among neopagans. Speaking as one, we’re eclectic in what we consider religious (for example I consider my being trans to have religious significance and if I were to file a first amendment complaint against restrictions on my hormones it would be entirely sincere)
I’m not even necessarily opposed to not giving facial hair/uniform passes to members of particularly disorganized religions. We aren’t like the Sikhs where it’s easy to see their conviction and there’s a continuous practice that can be pointed to. That said, first amendment complaints are first amendment complaints. Just because I think a compromise might be reasonable, doesn’t mean that’s in line with the law. Us pagans get fucked six ways to sunday on religious freedom and we do need to stand up and demand it apply to us.
A tiny mustache that fits under a gas mask 🤔
Fun fact: a full beard fits under a gas mask too.
Because technology has improved somewhat since 1945.
edit: wait that was another sex thing wasn’t it
I think it was a Hitler thing?
How active is this hegseth on 4chan? How come he knows this stuff but I don’t?
Because he’s an actual loser, not somebody like you just pretending to be uncool for internet cred.
I swear to god, it’s like they distilled Jon lajoie’s satire into modern standard
Show me your genitals!
And my sexual performances are average!
yeah, I’d say they nailed it.
So basically they made up a made for the type of men who opposed their bullshit and moved their sons away from it and now the Head of the Defence department is using that exact language.
Fuck.
That’s me. I have a new term to call myself: Beardo
First I’ve ever heard of it. I am in fact, a Dad with a beard lol.
Never been prouder to sport my beard.
People who didn’t use their disposable razor subscription scam
Fucking wild. “What an unmasculine loser, he’s raising his children, that goes against my family values”.
A beard or long hair for men has always been a sign of rejection of conforming to social authority.
Hair is the best symbol of rebellion as it is difficult to defect from, takes a long time to grow long, and is accessible to everyone. You can recognize a hippie with their tie-dye shirt and reflective sunglasses. They signal to themselves and others that they are opposed to the Vietnam war and the establishment in general. But when they go to the office, for a swim, to the gym, etc. they go back to conforming to the rest of society. The hippie with long hair is at all times signaling their rejection to the establishment and is also signaling that they have been rejecting this for many years. The hippie who only commits to the tie-dye shirt and sunglasses can take it off when under scrutiny and put it back on when convenient.
Hair has no nerve cells. Cutting hair is completely painles. If someone won’t even listen to authority telling them to cut their hair, what makes you think they’ll listen to authority for anything else? Long hair subconsciously scares authority because the legitimacy of said authority is constantly challenged. This is my hypothesis for why being clean shaven and short hair has become a requirement in many militaries, but never a militia. It is the easiest way to get someone to subconsciously be comfortable with submitting to authority.
Some examples of “beardos” who use their hair as a symbol of rebellion:
- Koreans during Japanese Imperialism
- The Khalsa
- Indian saints, regardless of religion
- Hippies in the US
- Brazilian communists during the dictatorship
and is accessible to everyone
doubt
bald men can still grow a beard 😂
Very true for many cultures. But it’s also important to understand that for many Native American men it’s rebellious in a very different way. Many tribes saw it as manly for a man to have long hair, and by growing it out it can be a rebellion against the demands of cultural surrender placed by white society
How is this rebellion in a different way? The Native American man keeping his hair long is the perfect example of him rejecting conformity to the standing social order, which is that of his colonizers.
I guess I was seeing your example as rejecting tradition, and this as embracing it
Jesus. Jesus was a beardo. A real socialist hippie kind of guy in sandals and robes and long hair and a beard.
To be fair, Jesus would only be useful in a military if he abandoned his principles and went Doctor Manhattan on everybody.
Well then maybe the “Christian” nationalist shouldn’t be running the Department of “War” preaching about filling the ranks with “Christian” warriors.
Nah, the guy who whipped money changers outside the temple and said “sell all your possessions and buy a sword to defend the poor” would do just fine. He was canonically into peace, but not pacifism
I hear that guy did unto others as he would have them do unto him; disgusting!
In the military it was getting easy to get a shaving waiver for religious exemptions.
A person who has a big beard—o
What a fucking loser
I think we need to apply Kegsbreath’s same energy to removing the cockroaches from our neighborhoods and cities. Conservatives can live in the fucking woods. They should be denied access to absolutely anything a normal society has to offer.
Conservatives hate science, distrust doctors, burn books, loathe education, and want to genocide anyone who isn’t as evil and stupid as they are. We don’t need them crowding our stores, infesting our hospitals, polluting our water and stealing our air. They need to be completely excluded from normal civilization. Permanently.
It is deeply immoral to keep any conservative as a family member or friend. Never employ them and absolutely never leave one alone with a child. A conservative is pure evil and can never be trusted. Never.
Didn’t Iran just kick his warrior ass? Do we not have to personally and sincerely apologize to the entire world because we elected these bozos, and let them trash the global economy?
I want my woke military back. I want my DEI federal government back.
(Actually I want them to be way more woke and DEI than they were.)
Can’t fix this country til these closeted cult freaks like Hegseth are in jail.
what is a beardo other than a thing onetopic says
is onetopic some manosphere snowflake?
the complete opposite, he mostly makes lgbt meme videos these days. he always greets the audience as “beardos and weirdos”
It’s a wild thing. So the term grew out of the manosphere actually, it was mainly a term for present fathers who steered their boys away from that garbage because they recognized it was only going to hurt them. It kind of grew from there to encapsulate everything they hate. Now, they associate beards with hipsters, dads, LGBT+, nerds who like games, music, books, theatre, and basically any man with a soul and two brain cells to rub together, which is precisely who they see as the enemy because they’re so transparently evil.
Brilliant. Make get shot at for protecting the interest of demented pedo billionaires even less attractive as an occupational option. Superb recruiting Pete!
Well I might be a fattie freaky weirdo beardo, but I saw you lift weights and, well, that’s it.
I might be an alcoholic, but I saw you in a tub of liquor and, well, that’s it
Authoritarianism is an admission of abject weakness.
White supremacists are the weakest and most brittle snowflakes.
Video here: https://youtu.be/3JY3j11tl4s?t=33
I timestamped it at the end where he does a surprisingly good Trump impression
Wow he delivered the first part like shit. His Trump was half decent as promised though.
For fucks sakes
Why does he… walk? move? like his suit is too tight for him in like… all the places?
Man is showing his kinks
