(He walks in, wearing an un-flattering speedo)
“Hey, babe. You ready for a good time?”
“Oh. God. Honey…please, not now, I have a splitting headache. I’ve had this stuffed up nose and it feels like I haven’t been getting enough air all day.”
“I have good news for you, and great news for me.”I can get rid of it in 30 seconds ;)
My gosh. Imagine how fucking congested I would be.
Bullshit. If this was true, I’d have the clearest sinuses in the world.
-Johnson, if you are sick you shouldn’t have come into work!
-No problem Boss! Gimme two minutes to grease the lightning and I’ll be ready for that sales call!
LMFAO I can actually seeing this happen in an office with cubicles and such.
I think it’s better etiquette to do it in the bathroom
So other forms of orgasm offer no such relief?
Are there other forms of orgasm? Apart from spontaneous orgasms
Wet dreams? Though when I’m sick, congestion seems to disappear when I sleep (only to return after I wake up.) So if that’s normal and if wet dreams have some kind of decongestant property, we may never know.
A little allergy season tip!
Shit, this can be my solution to my long term cat allergy, but i gonna collect more data on that.
Ask for the cat’s consent fist
Please do not the cat
Do not what the cat?
Fist
A cat is fine too.
A C A T I S F I N E T O O
My thing is they say good sex can clear up allergies but what about bad sex?
It gives you allergies.
And gonohreia
No that comes from bad smelling.
Hope relief cums quickly
I might not be an expert on anatomy but something tells me you’re doing it wrong.
I thought everybody knew this…
though it has a 50% chance of increasing your sinus pressure and make it feel like the only way to release the pressure is by scooping your brains out of your eye socket with a spoon.
Yeah they say an orgasm is like eight sneezes
Sometimes one good sneeze is better than an orgasm.
True for farts, too, but rarer.
But I feel so bad after a sneezing fit from allergies.
That tracks I feel bad when the PNC hits
You should find a place where nobody can see you first, though. Don’t ask me how I know
It’s amazing how well your body can turn off pains and symptoms just because “might be mating!”
Have to look presentable! Be on top form!
Or bottom, we don’t judge here. Y’all do you
LPT: using a small vibrator on your sinuses can also help. It loosens the mucus up like shaking ketchup in a bottle.
Hold up… is there a way to orgasm that doesn’t require sex or masturbation in some form?
Think your a little bit to young for me to tell you. Though ask your Proctologist
That would still be masturbation?
Not if you do it right 😏
People on the internet have lead me to believe that you can meditate yourself into a hands free orgasm but i personally can’t be bothered to find out if that’s real. Who knows, maybe it wouldn’t even work for me.
listening to vast’s self titled album usually works.
Wtf?? Random vast callout?? He’s so damn good!!
Unexpected! That’s a phenomenal album: untitled is one of my fave song. You have good taste
saw him with linkin park, disturbed, and orgy at lupos in 2000; he was the best of all of them
I think the intention is that either method works.
Oh yeah!
Before I had septum surgery and I’d get constant congestion I thought that jerking off actually helped me to breath better. Honestly I actually thought it was placebo, nut apparently not!
Single best typo ever
lmao I won’t edit it
Hey! I remember you from a former life on reddit or lemmy or stackoverflow or something, and always thought of you as a decent person. Good to see you on lemmy.
Either Lemmy or reddit. I think we’ve talked here a few times. How’ve you been?
All good, new job, nice colleagues, supportive boss, fun car. You?
That’s awesome! I’m glad you’re doing well! 😊
Hope you have a happier and better year than ever before.
I appreciate that a lot! Right now is more just about coping, to be honest, but I’ll get to equilibrium eventually haha
