Joy murdered Bing Bong in Disney’s Inside Out (2015).

Thank you for kind words. <3

Things are OK. I was looking at TotallyNotJessica’s post encouraging more people to post in egg_irl, and I thought “OK, but what would I even post?” This was the result.

I’m at a point where I’m questioning the validity of my own experience. I just got diagnosed with ADHD, and I’m finally on medication that has significantly reduced my anxiety. While I was waiting for diagnosis I didn’t actively think much about being trans. I observed that if I’m not focusing on it, it’s not a thorn in my side, and it doesn’t bother me, and my impression was that for “real” trans people, dysphoria & the incongruity of identity in lived-experience is not just something they can ignore or turn off. So yeah, imposter syndrome, not trans enough, etc.

It leaves me to wonder, if I just deleted my trans-leaning social media & didn’t seek out the trans-affirming content, would I just forget all about it and settle into some form of non-queer (but still Allied) identity, as I did in the past when I never really thought about or considered these things?

(And now I’m realizing this is definitely Matrix red-pill/blue-pill territory, and I could probably make another egg_irl post just based on this ramble! 😅 )

(And yes, Children of Men (2006) is a great SciFi. Grim, dystopian, pulls no punches. Highly recommended.)

Just got diagnosed last week, and I am well into adulthood.

It’s a bit early yet. I am on starter meds and have a follow up appointment in a few weeks. Already though I have noticed impulse control is much better. It’s like I have a time machine that’s given me a few extra moments to respond to stimuli. Anxiety levels are also way down, and I don’t feel the frazzled need to jump to the next thing, trying to get a dopamine fix.

Trying now to pursue a 3 prong style of treatment: medication, forming new habits, and mindfulness/observation. I am doing mood journaling to try to capture my experience.

One of my all time favorites. I re-watch it at least once a year. The characters, the setting, the ✨cinematography✨. Just wonderful.

I have 2 settings. Highly engaging radio talk show host who won’t can’t shut up, or “wallflower mode, pls don’t notice me or I may burst into tears /flames.”

OK, I posted, but I took 10 d6 psychic damage in doing so. 🤣

Cultist Simulator. (half joking 😂).

Big fan of Cities Skylines in city simulator genre.

The ADHD tendency to hyperfocus and write super detailed descriptions.

vs.

The ADHD tendency to say: Nope! Too long, not reading that!

So, I guess the correct response is to do what Kuzco did in the movie, and drink each one in sequence until you drink the right one (while running in terror)?

Ran (1985).

Great cinematography, slow burn rising action like the building of a storm, and Lady Kaede is quite possibly one of the most subtly unsettling characters I’ve ever seen portrayed in fiction.

This séance could have been an email.

Well spotted!

https://defence-industry.eu/atlantic-trident-25-finland-to-lead-nato-air-exercise-and-host-rq-4d-phoenix-aircraft/

There was a case in Canada where the judge ruled in favour of the plaintiff, where a chatbot had offered information that differed from Air Canada’s written policy. The judge made them honor the guidance generated by the chatbot:

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/air-canada-chatbot-lawsuit-1.7116416

Yeah you get it, exactly. The way they used to describe airplane safety back in the 90s seemed based on “chance to be in a plane crash,” and while those numbers were pretty reassuring, the numbers for “chance to survive a plane crash” were not.

The way that airline safety is positioned has always annoyed me. Back in the day they used to say, “Your odds of dying in a car crash are greater than dying in a plane crash.” That statement never sat right with me because while the aggregate number of casualties is greater for car crashes than airline crashes, it doesn’t address the survivability for the passengers of a single incident.

I forget the statistics, but depending on the type of car crash, passenger seat position mattered in a car, with higher mortality rates for the driver’s side vs passenger side, and higher mortality for front seat vs back seat.

Now what about a single airplane crash? It doesn’t matter if you are seated in first class, business class, economy, the flight deck, or in the cargo hold. Survivability rates for the entire plane are low for the entire plane in the event of a crash.

Yes, planes have less incidents compared to cars, but if a plane has a problem, it’s going to be a big problem for everyone on board.

/rant

I mean he’s not wrong about the former, but he can fuck off about the latter.

Suggestions for maximum chaos and discord:

• Split the Nordic peninsula into 3 countries, but borders run east-west. People in former Finland have to go through another country to get around the Gulf of Bothnia / Baltic Sea.
• Expand borders of Germany, you know, just so they can have some Lebensraum. There won’t be any issues with that surely.
• Balkan superstate. Make sure everyone has a voice in its vibrant democracy, but gerrymander the hell out of it.
• Merge southern France, Spain and Italy so the merged country can have maximum Mediterranean beachfront. Just think of the tourism revenues!
• Leave Northern Ireland exactly as it is.

Anki is great for flashcards with lots of community generated decks for free download:

https://apps.ankiweb.net/

• Japan.
• JPY 980 per month.
• Plan includes up to 3GB per month 4g/5g data, and when going over 3GB, the data cap increases to 20GB for an additional JPY 1000. Unlimited voice and text, global roaming to 90 countries included.

Still don’t get bars inside some big buildings though :p

Feels like pressure.

At times it’s just a barely noticeable background level of weight, like sure I can handle this, no big deal. At other times, it feels like a crushing weight, painful, can barely even sleep, and all I can do is seek some kind of gender affirming euphoria to feel some relief.

Tonight is one of the latter, after feeling like I clothed myself in lies and had to perform all day, the pressure is unbearable. Looking forward to an evening of painting nails, makeup and spinny skirt.