I was at the restaurant when I learned of a Tailor who makes shoes out of raisins instead of leather and I got so excited I ran out on my bill and drove as fast as I could to the Tailor to get my hands on some of those sweet raisin shoes. When I got there he had several live mice in a bowl of ice all jamming out to rat in a cage by smashing pumpkins and then suddenly they erupted in laughter and ate my brand new raisin shoes. The tailor then charged me 1800$ for the shoes and refused to validate my parking so I got a 500$ fine. So I went home to my wife and told her we have to sell her car because the ice mice ate the raisin shoes I paid for and we can’t afford her car payments anymore. She stared me right in the eyes and immediately pounced on me and we made the most passionate love we’d ever made. It absolutely saved our marriage and with our new found passion we started a couple’s only fans and made 5200$ in our first month.

After making enough money to buy her a new car she left me for a woman who dresses as Bozo the clown for a living. Every now and then we have a three-way but I just really really want a pair of raisin shoes.

My favorite thing about the dude who jacks me off is that he’s me

Uh oh now everyone’s going to know I use pube straightener before laying my penile eggs in them.

Way to rain on my parade. Tabarnac, you just ruined my entire life.

If you’re a rabbit go nuts and bang other rabbits but if you’re a human person no no no we don’t fuck animals

AI gonna go on unemployment and take all the benefits from the rest of us

The best thing to do before your wedding is to go camping and bang like rabbits. You know what they say, jizz tents makes the heart grow fonder.

This is me after a night of drinking dayquil and NyQuil while surfing the web using a skamtebord instead of a computer.

My nanobot daddy built me a pet robot that runs on wombat cum but I accidentally filled it with Wallaby cum instead so it got angry and showed me a forbidden video from the jungle of an elephant jerking off a few Bonobos with it’s trunk.

It’s talking about pussy right? Right?

Steak and cheese

I said something about my jerboa app gonna stop working soon because of dumb Android API rules and no one at my Mennonite furniture store knew what the fuck I was talking about

The boner pill industry approves

My ex husband showed me this trick years ago. I still miss him but we had to separate because his gynecologist convinced me to drink 8 gallons of knob softener and caused a sexual catastrophe. Now I sit around playing dragon quest 4 with earplugs and a blindfold on every Wednesday night in his honor.

The asbestos condoms keep your shlonger safe from all the gross stuff on the balogna when you stuff it into a toilet paper tube to bake a makeshift fleshlight.

The cool thing about the postal service is that they will deliver anything no questions asked.

Top bun from a McDonald’s hamburger? no problem!

Asbestos condoms? You got it!

Several slices of 9 year old moldy balogna? Hell yeah buddy!

Just to be clear here the “he” I’m referring to is Rodney Clinton.

He’s gonna open up a KFC rip off chain called Nantucket fried hymen. The only thing they serve is deep fried fish hymens with some kind of cum based mayonnaise sauce. I can’t wait to try it, I bet it’ll be disgusting

Cigarette smoke stained white

Wowsers you still think I’m using an LLM and that I’m not just a complete moron with a boring desk job? Maybe you should go buy yourself some [insert adjective] ice cream.