I’ve been waiting until after Christmas day to make this post, but some of our communities recently have had a lot of noise and upset over someone that uses neopronouns that most people are unfamiliar with.
So I want to make this clear. A persons pronouns are to be respected. This is true when the user is using neopronouns that you’re unfamiliar with. It’s true even if you think someone is trolling. Pronouns are not rewards for good behaviour. They aren’t only to be respected when you like the person you’re interacting with, or if their pronouns “make sense” to you. Trolls, spammers, twitter users, it doesn’t matter who they are, your options are to respect their pronouns, or to not engage with them.
I really want to re-iterate the importance of this. Gender diverse folk are undermined, invalidated and questioned at every step of our lives. As a community, we need to be working to undo that, not creating more of it, and that means there is no space for treating pronouns (including neopronouns) as a reward for good behaviour.
This isn’t a free reign for trolls and spammers. The rules still apply. Trolling, spamming, etc will continue to be dealt with, but it’s not an excuse to act as if respecting someones pronouns is optional.
You cannot claim to respect someone if you can’t recognise the simple reality of their gender and it’s expression. Assuming people using neopronouns are making it the centre of attention is just you being transphobic and a dick, be better.
You’re admitting that you prefer being transphobic over putting in the minimum amount of effort
No, if someone transitions and suddenly goes by the other binary gender’s pronouns, that’s fine, all the more power to them. I will happily use those pronouns.
But don’t try and introduce new pronouns into my grammar. Because grammar is hardwired and I’ve tried adding neopronouns to it, and it’s a pain.
Also, I think you can absolutely ask people to use neopronouns, but you have to accept if they decline. Especially if they love and respect you and just don’t want the fucking pain of changing their grammar. It’s NOT “minimum effort” to start using hen or xen or something like that. It’s a fucking pain for most people. And you’re alienating them. If you want to be ostracized and die on this weirdest of hills, go ahead.
I don’t wanna because “it’s a pain”. Yep, you’re not an ally, you’re just being transphobic because that’s easier for you.
Being an ally takes effort. We have to unlearn these things in order to make the world better, if the rest of us can do it then so can you. You have been programmed by a patriarchal society to resist change for a reason.