This is not pizza.
American cheese on pizza? that’s the kind of thing I would do if I’m down to the last two items in the kitchen, and feel too lazy to go shopping, but still would hate it
That’s the type of thing you make if you have nothing else in the fridge and you can’t go out to get anything else. And you’d keep that shit quiet and never admit to it to anyone.
Like Kenji’s smash burgers, “held together with hope and American Cheese”
cook with it? yeah
call it pizza? nope
Honestly this doesn’t sound like it would taste all that bad. Thick crust, tomato sauce, green bell pepper, fried salami, and Velveeta cheese? That’s gonna be pretty tasty. Calling it pizza might be the biggest issue, maybe something like open faced pepper sandwich would be better.
Calling Velveeta “cheese” is pretty bad
Urgh, here in Canada they tried to trick us with “delux” kraft dinner. Velveeta is so bad that I avoid name brand KD to this day due to one time over a decade ago. How in the artificial fuck do americans eat that stuff?
Maybe ive got California bias, but pretty sure we also avoid it. That shit is basically waste that is sold to folks who literally cant afford better.
I mean, you just described a thick crust hot pocket. Which isn’t bad. It ain’t good, but it ain’t bad.
Pretty much, any combination of bread, cheese, and tomato sauce is edible. The salami is just there for texture
Stop
I bet you also think health insurance CEOs are hard working, upstanding members of the community.
Yeah, it’s not a great town
Is this town filled with broke stoners or something?
Broke stoners in rural Pennsylvania? Say it ain’t so!
Dunno about this particular area of PA, but the areas I am familiar with… the answer is meth.
I’d hork down a barrel of sketchy dicks before I’d let this abomination inside of me.
I’m not trying to judge, but your bar for that might be slightly too low.
I’d wolf down a barrel of sloppy dicks. Also, I don’t really care for this pizza
there’s no excuse for making a bad pizza. It’s pizza, it’s very hard to do it wrong
Misc toppings on bread dough with some kind of cheese is probably thousands of years old.
If memory serves right a round bread with toppings is semi important in the Aeneid. Which assuming it isnt based off of older traditions means its at least 2000 years old, though I dont know if Virgil was pulling from older shit so I cant say for certain. Also I dont know if cheese was in Italy by that point.
Yeah like, just don’t call it a pizza and we’re good. Call it an “Altooner” or whatever, but don’t soil the good reputation of pizza with whatever this creation is.
Altoona melt
The only people who say this are people who have never had good pizza before.
The “iT’s PiZzA, sO iT’s GoOd” crowd drive me nuts. You would probably put ketchup and Velveeta on a Ritz cracker and call it a pizza. Have some standards, my dude.
I’m Austrian and I feel betrayed
I’m italian, my day is ruined.
Lol I can’t believe this is real. How terrible must food be in your city for this to be successful? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altoona-style_pizza
While originally topped with Velveeta, Altoona-style pizza is popularly topped with yellow processed cheese known as American cheese. The yellow squares of American cheese are a staple of this dish, used instead of the mozzarella or provolone common to other styles of pizza.
Everything about that paragraph makes me feel ill.
Following the destruction of the hotel in 2013 by fire, other local restaurants began serving Altoona-style pizza
It could have died there, but they had to do this
Lol, I do eat this type of cheese with grilled cheese… But this application is disgusting.
I do find it comical that Americans call processed cheese “American”
It’s telling for sure.
That passage explains the what , but nothing can explain the why.
This made me discover Velveeta. I wish I hadn’t.
Do not make the fudge recipe. Trust me.
I am sorry? There’s a Velveeta fudge recipe!
Just the thought it is alone 🤮
Mozzarella is nice though, just that it’s mentioned makes me feel a bit better. As if the world isn’t broken completely.
Fixed that for Wikipedia:
Fun fact, you can trigger Wikipedia editors by changing the page in developer console and posting a screenshot of it, they’ll scramble to revert a change that doesn’t exist.
Or just edit as usual, then click on preview and screenshot that. Also works on mobile!
The most successful businesses in Altoona when I lived there in the early 2010s were drug rehabilitation centers. All the factories closed, and the town is slowly dying.
Not even pineapple could save that.
Hello? I would like to report a crime against humanity.
I’m the one to do gross shit like dip a dill pickle in mayonnaise at 3am, and even this looks objectively horrifying to me
Y’all better be careful or you’re going to fall down a rabithold of locally celebrated yet disgusting pizza in PA. It’s like a whole thing there.
I propose the removal of Pennsylvania, except Philadelphia theyre chill.
Weren’t they a murder capital for a bit?
Yes, why do you think I like them?
They fucked up that hiking robot or doll or whatever it was pretty quick, after having gone through like Canada and the Northeast.
its cuz PA west of the Appalachins is basically the midwest. it’s like having next door neighbors from Iowa
We call it “Pennsyltuckey”
I knew PA was evil, but I never knew just how horrible.
I am biased being from NJ, but these pizzas vindicate me!
Are those fucken Kraft singles? That’s deplorable and I am disgusted beyond the spiritual realm.
There better be chilli fries under that cheese
