Every holiday, at whichever house is hosting, there is nothing but a laundry list of DIY tasks and shit that my family just expects help with. I get it, helping family and all that, but I really don’t want to buy a plane ticket/driving across the midwest into a different state, use my limited PTO, then what time I have installing lights, a toilet, a storm door, a TV mount, and god knows what else instead of watching movies, sports, reading books, relaxing, boardgames, etc.
There is never a thank you, never respect that my time is going into somebody else’s project, not attempt to learn to do it themselves, nothing. Just another errand to run or project to install. It would be one thing if my family members weren’t able-bodied or the projects couldn’t be done safely solo, but that is not the case. The thank you, if there is one is when I am leaving. My time doesn’t feel appreciated, my talents or skills are expected and not respected, and when I’m annoyed by a situation I’m the problem.
There are a million reasons I should be thankful for a family that cares and gets together over the holidays, but I am so incredibly over not being appreciated or respected that I am just angry and bitter instead.
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I hurt my wrist a few weeks ago, I got one of those carpel tunnel braces, now when I am around my mom I always wear it. She has not asked me for help in a while (she can easily pay someone to fix these things, I have seen her bank accounts).
Time to grab it by the horns.
When asked to do something, you were just heading out for a walk. Or going to the store.
Start “needing some time alone”. Or you can’t do something because your hurt your hand a couple days ago and it doesn’t work right. Or you have a back issue and doc said ko lifting anything, no bending over, etc.
Sounds like you’re a bit of a doormat, OP. Just say no. You need your PTO for recreation, not for more work. And if people are trying to guilt trip you, just (politely) tell them to pound sand.
Tell them you don’t have any more PTO to use 🤷♂️
“I burned time off and spent money on a plane ticket to relax with my family, not to be your handyman. Thank you for understanding.”
“But -“
“THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING.”
I’m with you on the stress of travel and family holidays. Like, I’m paying for the priveldge of flying 1500 miles across 3 time zones into the middle of nowhere in dead winter and we’re (checks notes) eating Thanksgiving dinner at a Golden Corral? Oh, and you’re all aggressively crazy 80% of the time. Cool.
To be honest, it might actually be a better time for me if they gave me side-quests to accomplish instead of asking me to join in on the weird family activities or expecting me to entertain them.
Anyway, I’ve learned to say no to all of that, but it’s hard. It should be easier with the in-laws, but it’s not. They can successfully guilt my husband and then I have to be the one who says no to him.
I do have one practical bit of advice. For what it’s worth.
Do you have any young nieces or nephews that could help with these projects? It might be more fun for you if you could do some mentoring with them while on the job. Even if they can’t physically help with lifting or whatnot, you could explain some of the concepts. I’m remembering - My dad taught me how to rewire a lamp when I was about 10 or 12 and it’s both a useful life skill and a reasonably fond memory. Of course he was mainly just sick and tired of rewiring the old electric lamps that my mother kept buying at flea markets. Now that I think of it, it’s pretty much the same deal with how I learned soldering. And mixing/pouring concrete for post footers. (And see? here I am bragging about my mad skillz /s)
I’m serious, though. It cold be a win - win if the kids are amenable. It nurtures both learning and relationships. And if the kids have the know-how, your skills may be in less demand next year. You might be promoted to job site supervisor rather than random unpaid labor. ;)
I get it, helping family and all that, but I really don’t want to buy a plane ticket/driving across the midwest into a different state, use my limited PTO, then what time I have installing lights, a toilet, a storm door, a TV mount, and god knows what else instead of watching movies, sports, reading books, relaxing, boardgames, etc.
I’d stop answering their calls.
