Literally my ex, any the typical reactions, where somehow I’m to blame for her insanity, because men are all bad and women are always right.
Ironically, she was cheating. Its always projection with the psychopaths.
My wife once hit me in front of my kids because she didn’t like my pointing out a double standard in how she was treating them. The one she was favoring recently started hitting the other one in a similar manner–basically just to silence her when she said something he didn’t like–and when I pointed out the similarity to my wife’s actions and suggested he had learned it from her she got mad and claimed that rather than hitting me she had “hit my hand away” which is a lie and she knows it. It is 100% classic spousal abuse and gaslighting, and yet due to the sheer size difference between us–I’m a foot taller–I feel ridiculous calling it that, and don’t want to find out what else my son learns is OK from his mom if I’m not around, so here I am still married to her, mostly trying to forget the abuse when it’s not actively happening. She’s been abusive, but I’m not really in any physical danger, so staying seems like the rational option in my situation… I imagine that’s relatively common among men.
Hey man, I don’t know your situation and all the details, but it’s not at all ridiculous to call it spousal abuse or gaslighting. That’s fucking dark, and that your son is picking up on it is darker. Your other kid likely isn’t blind to it either, especially since she’s started receiving that sort of treatment and being treated as the scapegoat. That sort of situation leaves deep scars on both spouse (you) and children. You don’t have to be in physical danger (though abuse often escalates) to be in danger. Damage from abuse lasts a lifetime.
I have been abused by both my mom and my partners. They took advantage of my insecurities, because of their insecurities. No one ever acknowledged it until recently. I have no trust in ever getting a relationship with someone who treats me equally. According to my therapists, I responded by turning into myself instead of developing a personality disorder. Apparently I’m too sweet.
I don’t know that turning onward is a bad idea. It can be, if we get terrified and refuse to go deeper. What I mean is, grief work and rage work and all the icky stuff is necessary, as are breaks from the heaviness. Be gentle with yourself, friend.
I am a 6’6’‘, 280lbs man and my ex-wife was a 4’7’’ 97lbs woman. She would hit me and psychologically abuse me a lot, and nobody would give a shit because “how can she hurt you? You’re such a big guy!”
She would use weapons, you bastards! She would hit me while I was asleep! She would hit me in the nuts! And even if it didn’t always physically hurt, it definitely hurt in other ways. Fuck off with that mentality.
Al…right. Let’s do a little sanity check and let’s see how up or downvoted is gets.
- It is absolutely true that violence against women is structurally endemic in our societies and they represent a large majority of domestic violence
- It is also absolutely true that domestic violence against men is clearly under-reported, to an unknown but significant extant
- It is absolutely true that abuse is abuse
Those assertions do not contradict each other.
Ignoring female-on-male violence and shaming men who are victims of it is also structurally ingrained in our society.
That’s also true
1 is questionable, in part because of the claim that we don’t know how under reported it is in 2. But also because there have been studies going back to the 70s suggesting that most violent relationships involve mutual violence, and the ones that don’t aren’t a large majority of men abusing women. For example, the woman who founded the first women’s refuge in the UK had written that many of the women entering her shelter were as violent as the men they were leaving, giving a number a number that was pretty close to numbers Strauss, Gelles and Steinmetz came up with from their research in the 70
Those studies get questioned or minimized not because they have particularly bad issues with how they are done, but because the field is essentially subject to ideological capture and research that contradicts the goals of the activism at the time is worked against.
There’s also some playing with terms and definitions that works against men in this kind of thing. To use a trans example, all women in the UK who rape are trans - this isn’t because trans women are particularly likely to rape, but because rape is defined in the UK as requiring the perpetrator to penetrate the victim with the perpetrator’s penis, which means cis women are incapable of “rape”, but if you’re a TERF and need something to support your point… For an example regarding men, Mary Koss (a prominent sexual assault researcher, enough so that you almost can’t talk about the topic in the US without touching something descended from her work) was asked a question about men being raped by women about a decade ago in an interview. She responded with incredulity, asked how would that even happen, and when given an example who had been drugged into compliance was told by Koss that that wasn’t rape, but “unwanted contact” and in other places she’s made a point about the importance of keeping rape a word for female victims because men just don’t feel hurt or shame in the same way.
Or NISVS where you see a couple of interesting things. One is playing with definitions where if a man copulates with a woman against her will it’s “rape” but if a woman copulates with a man against his will it’s “made to penetrate”, with the latter being a subcategory of “Other” so as to obscure any kind of direct comparisons between them or that the two are as similar as they are. You also have this clearly demonstrated phenomenon that they seem to actively avoid discussing where previous year rape numbers are pretty similar (if you consider being “made to penetrate” equivalent to “rape”) but in lifetime numbers men’s reporting drops off drastically. I suspect this is caused by men not categorizing what happened to them in this way, in large part because they get told again and again that it doesn’t count, that they were lucky, or similar until eventually they believe it.
Under-reported probably does not begin to capture it. I doubt 99.999% of instances of women hitting their man have ever been reported in human history, speaking from experience mostly due to pride.
Its a total double standard, as is almost everything with women. There I said it.
Rather than plain mysogyny, men and anti DV movements which men are part of should engage in their conception of pride, seeking help, admitting you can be a victim too and listening to other males victims. And if course when they want it legal action.
If you wish to solve the issue, that’s the main way to go.
If you want to promote a conservative backlash about feminism and spread basic misogynistic views, you’re on the right track though.
I’ve been working with movements and research efforts to make men more aware about reporting victimhood and seeking mental health help for years. I won’t prove it because it would likely make my identity public, which I’m not comfortable doing here. Guess what ? I’m working with more feminist actors than you can imagine in your little echo chamber.
Also : “immensely under-reported”, if that suits you better. But considering your visible agenda, I doubt it will.
Ha! #2 is wrong because you said extant instead of extent. I’ve got you now, sensible internet stranger! 🤓🤓🤓
Damn. I’ve been exposed!
100% on all points
I have a friend who I haven’t been able to hang out with for several years because his wife is insane and posessive, and he’s decided to just ride it out until the kids are all 18 so he can divorce her without having to pay her child support.
He’ll still support his children, but he’ll do it directly instead of through her.
Wow, think of the example he’s setting. If his kids were in that marriage, would he recommend waiting for 1/5 of their life to go by with a horrible person? How will his kids even know how to have a loving relationship if his parents are that fucked up?
He’s a coward who cares more about money than about being a good person or dad.
And that’s most men in these relationships. Men would rather cheat and lie than be honest and extend basic respect and communication to their partners. And then get upset when women finally initiate divorce for the broken shitty relationship.
Wow, think of the example he’s setting. If his kids were in that marriage, would he recommend waiting for 1/5 of their life to go by with a horrible person? How will his kids even know how to have a loving relationship if his parents are that fucked up?
He’s a coward who cares more about money than about being a good person or dad.
Sounds more like he’s a realist who knows how this will go. Kentucky requires the court in contested custody cases start from a presumption that equal custody is best unless there’s a good reason not to and a preponderance of the evidence for that reason. A few other states require the court to at least consider the possibility, but the rest leave contested custody cases entirely up to the judges preferences and biases. The result is that the court tends to be biased against men because “a child needs it’s mother” or some similar BS. Couple that with a lot of these cases involving Mom staying in the home and Dad having to find somewhere else to live, and suddenly it’s in “the best interest of the child” for Dad to see them every other weekend, at most.
And that’s most men in these relationships. Men would rather cheat and lie than be honest and extend basic respect and communication to their partners. And then get upset when women finally initiate divorce for the broken shitty relationship.
They’d rather be in their children’s lives and able to at least try to take care of them than risk losing them altogether while paying their mother for the privilege of being her former victim and just kind of hoping she’ll use at least some of that for the kids. And I’m not even going to start on the fundamental “man = bad” presumption here.
Wow, do they give deadbeat dads a manual?
No, courts will always make sure both parents have custody rights because it’s about the child’s best interest, not the parents. The court does take into consideration how much involvement each parent has in the child’s life including who brings them to doctors appointments etc. The court is biased against women, not men, because that’s how a patriarchy works.
I just told a care provider recently that I’ve no idea if I’m capable of a healthy relationship, because I don’t even know what one looks like from the outside, let alone from the inside. I’m nearly 60.
You’re being down voted, but I mostly agree with you. Putting your kids through the issues of your failing relationship isn’t doing them any good either. There’s no good answer, but staying for your children is often putting them through even more trauma than the divorce would.
My child seems to be in a reasonably healthy relationship. It’s a wonder since I put them through a few bad ones, but I eventually left. They’ve been in a stable relationship for five years. I don’t pry much and I pray they aren’t staying because they feel they’d flounder, otherwise. Their partner is a good person, in not implying they aren’t. Compatibility is a thing, common interests are necessary.
Yeah, it’s possible for sure. I know I for one have issues caused by my parents constant arguing and issues (and they somehow aren’t divorced, though I believe that should be). Sometimes people go through hell and come out better for it, but I don’t think we should expect that.
Oh I’m amazed. They’re truly accomplishing the Great Work.
Yes, because if the nonabusive parent can find a nonabusive partner, that gives a kid a chance with a true loving home and a way to learn prosocial behaviors and how to have a truly respectful and loving relationship. You can’t change that they have an abusive parent, but you can help them learn how to not accept that abuse and not perpetuate it.
Like if I leave my husband who hit me, I’m showing my daughter to do that if her boyfriend ever hits her. If I stay, I’m just teaching her to endure abuse. It’s the same if Dad does it, too - he’s a role model as well. And further, this excuse is the exact one men DM me before asking to cheat on their wives (‘shes crazy and im just staying for the kids’) so I frankly have zero tolerance for it. Grow a backbone and some morals and get a divorce. You’re not helping your kids, you’re helping yourself.
Strumming my pain with her fingers, singng my life with her words…
A parents obligation to their children is more nuanced than your implying, setting an example isn’t the only factor. Not to mention abuse is used to break your will to stand up for yourself, and even if that weren’t a factor, communication isn’t possible with people unwilling to listen.
Relationships are a two way street, but when you’ve got kids., it’s not just about the relationship with your partner anymore
He stated that he wanted control of finances as his main motivator, not abuse.
Yes, the best way to teach your kids how to handle abuse is by being a role model. Sometimes that means leaving the abusive parent and making a safe place away from the abusive parent. How can an 18 year old learn the skill of leaving their abusive parent if it was never modeled to them and the nonabusive parent stuck by them no matter what?
you have issues, please go see a therapist
Wow, this is so insulting and dismissive… and also the fucking point too. Putting children through a horrible relationship is how (one method of many) people grow up to have issues. Saying someone has issues while also saying their opinion on the subject of putting children through hell is invalid because of that is ignorant at best, and at worst purposefully harmful and manipulative.
I am allowed to have issues. Ya know, Corey Feldman and Aaron Carter and others had issues, and they were fucking right.
ya, but you don’t need to make them everyone else’s issues, because everyone’s got issues, and no one deserves to wade through your shit as well
Lol that’s what everyone is doing. I’m allowed to do it too.
It’s me, your buddy - well maybe not your exact buddy but a dude living in this same scenario.
Please hang out with that last kid turns 18 and we are free. It’s horribly lonely and there is no one to help. Getting a divorce just means she gets everything including all the time in the world to manipulate the kids.
You don’t happen to be an electrician and a central-Texas scuba enthusiast?
Close. Power grid engineer in the Midwest.
My ex-wife was arrested for slapping me and breaking my glasses.
Like many other victims of abuse, I stayed married for several more years. Been away from that nutjob since 2009.
Lemmy’s continuing the progression from liberal privilege to MRA “activism”. smh.
Saw this comment and thought I was on Reddit.
I think you got lost along the way.
Gr8 b8 m8
This one’s low hanging fruit tho, need to try a bit harder
Agreed. I’ve been seeing more and more “woe is men” stuff lately. Not too surprising since most people here are Reddit refugees. The platform where every single “woman bad” post makes the frontpage.
Vulnerable narcissists make up a large portion of incels
Hot take bruh
Maybe men are pushed to the extremes because of people like you shitting all over them when there is a post about men’s issues.
Men, being in charge of the patriarchy, aren’t pushed by women. They are pushed by themselves and other men. This is patriarchy 101 and part of why you all sealioning about male abuse isn’t taken seriously anymore unless you are specifically talking about your abuse experience for emotional support. Try advocating for policies to help abuse victims instead of trying to find a creative way to say ‘women bad’ without getting flamed.
Women aren’t bad. People who belittle and dismiss victims of abuse are bad. Nice strawman though!
And people who pretend to care about abuse just to abuse women? Are they bad?
Not gonna lie. You’re doing an awful job at advocating. I understand what you’re saying but you’re doing it in such an offputting way that I have to wonder if you even care or if this is just you venting.
Being justified and right doesn’t mean you can act however you want in the name of that just cause. If you’re not likeable then no one is going to listen to you.
I refuse to be performative in my speech. Go police another woman.
Go police another woman.
The fact that this was your response only demonstrates that you are an unserious person with nothing of value to add, and are in fact part of the problem.
This is what you’re doing.
No.
“woe is men” isn’t a comparison to women.
Women are victimized by the patriarchy in many ways. Men are victimized by the patriarchy in many ways.
Everyone suffers from the patriarchy. We need to dismantle the patriarchy both by fighting our own fights AND by supporting eachother.
We don’t win by dismissing eachother’s pains as invalid or less important.
Everyone suffers from the patriarchy.
Can you define “patriarchy?” Once you do, can you understand how men have an advantage over women? Lol
men are empowered in a patriarchy by definition and women disempowered.
Are you not even trying to understand how toxic masculinity has forced men to shut up and swallow their feelings, has prevented them from pursuing passions for being “too girly”/not lucrative enough to provide for their family? How its pushed “strongman” narratives, and anything less than that is seen as “weaker/less than”? You cant see how male rape/abuse victims are treated differently than female rape/abuse victims?
Like, if you really cant open your eyes to how that may really affect someones mental health/quality of life, then I think you should do some work on learning empathy.
The 25 year old dude working at the gas station is not the reason the patriarchy is an issue. He’s struggling along with the rest of us, and we’re telling him he has nothing to complain about and has it easier. Thats not okay.
Yes, men are the real victims of the patriarchy
The patriarchy is hierarchy. Like all hierarchies, it’s pyramid shaped. It’s not a rectangle with all men on top and all women in the bottom. It’s a SMALL group of rich men oppressing everyone else. Sure MOST men are given more “power” than MOST women in the structure. That’s the deal the small group of oppressors gave to keep their power. They also give power to strong women who toe the line. But the idea that most men aren’t oppressed in the patriarchy is utterly ridiculous. You seriously think every man you see around you is secretly part of a cabal trying to keep you and other women down? You think that they have no problems, no burdensome expectations placed on them by the patriarchy to keep them in place? That they benefit from toxic masculinity instead of suffer by it? I’m sorry but you have a very dark view of 50% of the population if you think they’re the oppressor class and you’re in the victim class.
We’re all victims of the patriarchy unless we’re old rich white men. The only thing that separates us is the degree of victimisation.
Define “patriarchy.”
When did the US ban spousal rape? When did women get the right to vote? When did women get the right to divorce or have credit cards?
I agree, as a woman who very much cares about inclusive feminism. By silencing men who talk about their issues/pains, we push them further away. By pretending like men don’t have worries/fears/needs/wants, we’re doing them a disservice.
The Patriarchy hurts everyone. Men need to know that if theyre abused by a woman, it doesnt make them “less of a man”, nor is it “their fault”. No one deserves abuse. They, as victims deserve to be acknowledged and handled with care, and have their abuse investigated/taken seriously just as much as a woman does.
There’s room enough for us all to be equal.
We aren’t silencing men. We are asking men to extend empathy to women too and not just other men. Men only caring about men is just another patriarchal tool.
I dont think men *don’t * extend empathy to us. I think Ive seen a hard shift from my parents (Gen X, they were young when they had me), to my Millenial husband and my friends. The vast majority (that Ive met, admittedly), seem like they’re on our side.
But it feels like theyre also trying to be like “Hey, we’re dealing with shit too”, and we’re turning around and being like “Not right now” and its been “Not Right Now” for 30+ years.
Are men perfect? Nah, but neither are we, and we have to make space for them to be validated as victims/people with struggles too. And we can also remind them to call out each other when theyre incorrect, and we need to do the same thing for each other which is what Im trying to do now.
Dont be the reason that Lib women get an even worse rep than we already have. We can discuss both perspectives!
I once saw a gif on Reddit of a little girl being forcibly kissed by a little boy (both about 6), and she shoved him off and he looked sad. The entire thousands of comments focused on the little boys first rejection. No one even noticed it was the little girl’s first sexual assault. She even wiped the kiss off, reminiscent of victims cleaning themselves after assaults.
When I pointed this out, people were angry. How dare I suggest that little boy is a monster. But I wasn’t. I was entirely focused on the little girl’s experience and I wasn’t advocating for anything relating to the boy. In fact, I think an appropriate “punishment” would be to explain to him to not touch people without asking etc. And that’s it.
But men were so unable to extend empathy to a girl, to a woman, that they literally couldn’t absorb this information or perspective take as her. This was like 3 years ago. It was astonishing. No, men do NOT empathize with women. Men empathize with themselves as an idealized version of who they would be as a woman - that’s projection by definition and is entirely how they feel entitled to control women and objectify them.
So you are okay that men can be abused?
Most people are. We deserve it for some reason.
This will keep happening as long as the left treats any acknowledgement of mens issues as a moral failing
You are a problematic man.
I dont think he is problematic .it seem pretty correct that the left doesn’t offer solution to men actually.
This statement clearly indicate you spend too much time on Xitter. Time to go meet a few real people and talk to them.
I’ve seen some good folks in the past few years. Like That Dang Dad and F.D Signifier. But I’m just on YouTube. I’m sure I miss lots of hate.
F.D is great actually. Need more like him.
What left is doing that?
How? By refusing to accept that female on male abuse is a thing. Go find a mainstream leftist place and bring it up. See what happens
That’s truly a joke.
It is my current understanding, from various experiences - and I want to state that I publicly engage with men and women who’ve had violent experiences in various ways on a regular basis - that men are FAR more likely to be supported when facing domestic violence by the left, the very same woke/feminist left.
The right? They don’t give a flying f*ck. As always. The incels and their variants? They don’t care. They’re in a political crusade against social justice.
So where are the men’s shelters? Why is female on male abuse considered funny? And I don’t care what conservatives think
Who considers female on male abuse funny? I have yet too see any feminist, any worker in a shelter, any of those, find any kind of domestic violence funny.
I’m not talking about Xitter pen keyboard heroes here. I mean real people.
Who’s laughing at violence against men?
Taters, conservatives, and their kind, high representatives of the most toxic masculinity.
You clearly can’t begin to fathom what’s it’s like for people who experienced violence and domestic violence. I’ve never seen a female survivor not listening to a male survivor. I’ve never seen a left wing feminist working with female survivors not taking a male survivor seriously.
Actually, from my experience, which, I think, is significant at least in my country and generation, they’re literally the ONLY ONES who take them seriously (except some of their close ones, friends and family, of course - not all will, but some may).
Look through this thread. Look at the people bitching about the comic. But please keep telling me how much kinder and better women are.
It’s not a “thing” compared to male on female abuse which is significantly more pervasive and takes up more attention. Its obviously a thing in that it happens. Most women would rather focus on reducing male violence which typically will benefit male survivors. Just like how structures that help women sexual assault survivors also tend to help the few male survivors and so we don’t per se need to explicitly help the smaller male demographic, since they are included and the larger female demographic still hasn’t been served either.
We just don’t care to hear you sealion about these abuse victims when you do nothing for EITHER demographic and instead use male victims to deny help for women and thus men. It’s not about giving men help, it’s about being a vulnerable narcissist and making women a bad guy.
This shit right here is what I am talking about.
Lol
You are a cancer to liberal causes.
Good, I’m not a fucking liberal. I’m a socialist.
We’re in one right now and that isn’t happening.
Whew that was quick https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/comment/14541652
Lemmy isn’t mainstream. Most people, even the terminally online don’t know it exists
I’m skeptical that there exists any leftist mainstream place that isn’t actually a right-wing place disguised as leftist.
I’m also skeptical that all of those loud but irrational voices are genuine. Especially given Russia’s MO for online trolling where they push both sides of any issue to extremes to sow division. Not to say that I believe everyone on the left is rational and reasonable. But why would the tone be so different between “mainstream” and “non-mainstream” left places if the position you’re talking about is as ubiquitous to the left as you claim it is?
Looking at how many people are angry about this ki da proves your point.
This reminds me of the Heard v Depp case, on the two X chromosomes subreddit there was this long ass comment from someone who experienced abuse and said she wasn’t the “perfect victim” because she fought back and hurt her abuser back and how because of this it was harder to get away from her abuser.
And when I asked how does she know that in Heard v Depp case it isn’t Depp who is the imperfect victim? Because he had multiple partners testifying to his character of being a kind man etc, while Heard had the opposite (AFAIK).
All I got was silence and downvotes.
Have you heard of battered woman syndrome? Do you understand the court case that lead to it?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francine_Hughes
The reason is that most men are physically stronger than most women and also we live in a heteropatriarchy that caters to men first. There was clearly mutual abuse by both partners, and both Amber and Johnny are raging narcissists- but Johnny has a bad past too, including a questionable relationship with Winona Ryder when she was young and extreme drug use that made him erratic. It’s impossible to know who was abusing who or what was actually happening.
But I will say the leading expert on domestic violence, Lundy Bancroft, asserts that women are almost never the abuse initiator in relationships. Most serial killers, most violent offenders, are men. So yeah, women will typically blame the man because it’s usually men.
Most serial killers, most violent offenders, are men.
In the US, violent offenders are also disproportionately performed by black folk (including being an actual majority for homicide and robbery). I suspect you don’t think we should make assumptions about black folks being violent though? I doubt you think when someone is killed we should simply assume the killer is black because the killer is usually black?
And note, I’m not arguing that we should - I’m using it as an illustrative point of why this line of thinking is bullshit.
The trend for violence is not only worldwide, it’s also over thousands of years. Especially if we include war.
The reason black men are disproportionately charged in the US with crimes is due to white supremacy, including within the police force, which has been information in the public knowledge since BLM protests so stop playing stupid.
I don’t usually comment in these types of gender discussions, so I don’t really know why I am commenting this. I hope you don’t take me badly.
You say that we live in a society that caters to men first, which I unfortunately agree in general, adding later that, due to the usual prepertrators of the hideous crimes you listed being men (which I also agree), women usually jump to the conclusion that the man is the abuser. Knowing that, couldn’t it be said that in this specific situation society caters to women rather than men? After all, you can’t say “most abusers are men, therefore this abuser is a man.” Each person is an individual. From a purely mathematical perspective, it indeed makes sense to suspect the man first, but that being the case, wouldn’t bringing up that first point be:
a. True, but in matters unrelated to the discussion? b. Contradicting what you say in the end?
And therein lies my question to you. I am not that informed in these gender-related affairs and I am sorry if anything I said was wrong/insensitive, but I still ask this question, for no reason other than probably being sleepy. Thank you, and I apologize if I misunderstood anything. I did not watch the show that was mentioned, I really just wanted to ask about that specific part.
No, society still caters to men. Who are the ones responding to domestic violence calls - other men, the police, who also engage in these same crimes.
I had an ex throw me to the ground and lock me outside in the rainin my pajamas. When I called 911, the police came, and I was crying and bleeding under my pajamas from the fall. The officer immediately threatened to arrest me, saying women fake it all the time, and if he found any marks on him or if his story was different, I would go to jail. I was 19. I hadn’t touched him, he had just exploded in a rage because we broke up and couldn’t agree about moving out. It didn’t even occur to me that I wouldn’t get help and also might be hurt. I declined having him arrested while I actively bled from what he did, I didn’t show the police the marks, and then i became $2k in debt because I wanted to do anything to break the lease (and could’ve done if for free had he been arrested).
Society doesn’t help abuse victims of any gender. The people who enforce the laws are abusers. Lawyers are often abusers. Judges are typically men who make up abusers. Look at the judges Trump put in place and imagine women trying to justify their abortion from their rapes to them. Like yes the patriarchy is systemic AGAINST WOMEN in this way. Intersectionality exists, and does not erase this real fact
Thank you for your answer. I see your point. I was thinking more about the specific situation described in the comic, and not one where it had already escalated to the point where police and the justice system got involved, and I have to wonder what kind of life the cop lived through to reach the conclusion that “women fake it all the time.” But even worse than there being cops like this is the fact that even if it came to light that they were like this there is a high chance they would not be punished at all.
Case in question, in my country, a cop fatally shot a guy because he “looked like he had a knife.” That’s already disgusting enough, but as far as I know, he wasn’t going to be punished until big protest erupted. It’s a sistematic issue, and unfortunately, there’s not much we can do aside from voting.
With trump being elected, this issue is sure to become even worse. And since trump seems to be specifically against women’s freedom, it will probably get even harder for women to defend themselves and bring the perpetrator to justice.
But I sincerely hope that a situation like that doesn’t happen again, to you or anyone you know. Good luck in the future, and stay safe.
As a sidenote, and don’t answer if you don’t want to, why did you decline his arrest? Was there any chance that could turn against you?
I declined his arrest because he was very poor and I thought the prison system would ruin his life. I felt bad for him. Because the patriarchy demands empathy for men at all times, I guess.
And the men’s lib sub is the best we will get when it comes to men’s issues and that one sucks too.
The mens rights sub originally was a good place for dudes who were getting taken to the cleaners in divorce court, losing full custody of the kids just because the mom wanted em, and even an instance iirc of the wife taking the dog only to have em put down later.
Then it slowly mutated into a watered down version of incels
I mean that’s bound to happen. If the main thing that draws you to a space is that you’re all being abused by women in one way or another, then it’s probably going to end up being a place to hate on women and therefore attract women haters like incels.
Men’s lib should be a space where we fight the injustices imposed on men by the dominant hierarchy. Like the fact that we’re assumed to be worse at caring for our kids than their mothers and that this assumption disadvantages us in court. Or the fact we’re assumed to be abusers and that being a victim somehow makes us be seen as lesser men and automatically deserving of the abuse we get (like in this comic). Or the fact that we’re assumed to BE/BE PART OF the dominant hierarchy and therefore can’t be victims of it, even though we can lose our “manlyness” through something as simple or human as crying when we’re sad.
Only with this mindset can we channel our victimisation into positive action rather than towards hatred of women.
Hive minds are strong remember to not rate your opinion based on how many up votes it gets
what then am i supposed to rate it on? /hj
Thanks, Mr. Blobfish! That’s funny, I don’t recall taking Ambien…
Woah stop making men feel safe and seen. Next thing they’ll become feminists, or worse, empathetic and caring humans!
I actually spoke with some who said talking about problems specific to men, is somehow anti feminist, because it puts men into a victim role.
“Feminists” that base their feminism on pure misandry are counterproductive to the movement
“Feminists” that base their feminism on pure misandry are counterproductive to the movement
…but are also quite common and not called out or excluded for it.
Hell, I can point you to the sexual assault researcher who is the origin of that 1 in 4 number you hear thrown around and also coined the term “date rape” asking in confusion how a woman could even hypothetically rape a man and when given an example where the man was drugged into compliance declared it to be “unwanted contact” and not, you know some kind of assault or rape. This was about ten years ago, not like back in the 70s or something.
abusers are trash, no matter what their gender. May they all rot.
I was once seeing a girl for a couple weeks that FUCKING ROOFIED MY DRINK so she could look through my phone while I was lying there watching her unable to move. It was absolutely fucked.
It’s possible if you did a lot of weed or if you are a redhead, it might be harder to roofie/sedate you
I’m not either of those things. But I’m a pretty tall muscular man so my body weight probably helped.
Terrifying. I’ve had other reasons to only use a passcode, but now I have another.
Good thing you managed to stay conscious, holy shit!
Didn’t even know that was possibleDepends on the type of drug, not all date rapes do the same thing. I think this one was GHB but I don’t actually know.
GHB
I think that is the point where I would consider pressing attempted murder charges. That shit is insanely dangerous and it’s withdrawal can apparently be worst than that of fucking Heroin. Like: There are places that are otherwise very open to drugs that have zero tolerance policy on that stuff.
Thats horrible! Now it exist some kind of drug testing straw that color themselves if it detect something. But just to think that its a possibility is horrible.
Well this was at my fucking house with this girl I was seeing, I didn’t expect to get roofied lol
That’s horrible, I hope you’re doing better now
I’m married now, and this was over a decade ago. As soon as I was able to function again I kicked her out of my house and never spoke to her again.
From « a couple weeks ago », to « I’m married now » oh boy, that escalated quickly but then I saw the decades word! Good for you you were able to ditch this abuser.
Edit: ha, I misread the whole thing, my bad
An abusive partner accusing the other of cheating is very often a projection of the fact they themselves had been cheating. Since they know they would cheat, and were/are, they either assume the other person is the same way, or simply don’t want to draw attention to their affair. It’s an awful thing.
It can also be a sign of past trauma. I.E. they were chested on before, and are projecting the behaviors of the past onto you. Also awful, but in a much more sad way.
