Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started, wait The earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool Neanderthals developed tools We built a wall (we built the pyramids)

Evolution

I took the train here.

Pretty much the only way to make a human involves previous humans. Most humans are on earth.

I teleported in from v̷̡̢̨̧̡̡̧̧̡̧̢̧̧̢̡̢̡̨̧̢̢̨̢̡̛̬̼͉̣̣͎̯̱̗̞̞̦̦̟̩̳͚͍̗̤̘̪̤̤̟̠̜̟̲̻̪̮̼̥̱͚̮͓͇̩̻̙̥̹̮͉̺̮̳͈͚̖̝̟͕͇͈̝̮̥͍̟͉̦̙̟͉̗͖̜̫̪̤͓̤̤̠̗̭̥̰̺͖͔̮̲̫̯̳̺̻̗͇̘͔͕̟͈̙̘̰̙̥̥͖̖̦̝̝̣̤͔͎͔̭͕̘̪̟̜͙̭̝̜̲̬̤̥̥̫̼̗̜̬̘̥̳͇̹͙̱̺̘̙͖̖͓͇͓̺͕̭̙̘̰̻̮̬̳̳͔̖̞̺̳͔̳͕̥̠̟̟̣̥͎̜̟̞̥͔̞̳͈̘̳̬̟̰̣͎͙͎̖̞̥̮͚̺̘̰̻̱͎̪̻̥͇͈͍̠̩̬̘͉̻͕̹̇̓͛̉̃̋͗̉̽̃́̿̒͐̂̽͗̏̀͊͊̍͒̄͗͑̓͒̈̉̿͛̃́̑͋͗̂͛͐͌͑̄͋̈́͂̓̓͑̀͋͌̔͗͛̎̏̃̆̈̅̅̚̚͘͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅͅͅx̴̨̨̛̛̛̛̛͍̲̪̘͙̻̹̱̯̰̜̪̩̻̞͔͓͓̘̙̮̱̱̯̺̲̗̰̜͙̗͈͇̗̄́̇͑̆͋͂̾̍̀̀͒͂̅̀̉̏̓̾̍̿́͋̀̍̌̓̽̓̽̈́̅͛̓͛̌͐̽̈́͛͊͗̍́̿̈̏̇͂̅̋̓͂͛̓̊͆̓̏͗̂̿͂̎̽̂̾̊̈́͒̾̿̌͒͊̀͒̉̔̏̍̈́̑̈́̀̀̅̃̋́̔̆̽̑̌̈́͒́́̑̏̿͛̈́̽̎̊̏͒̐͆͗̽̋͆́̿͗̈́̏̃̄̋̐͑̌͑̽̀̒̽͊͂̋͋̔͊͐̀̿̓͑̾͋̊̈́̃͊̅͐̎̿͋̇̇̂̽͛̋̈́̔͒̔̊̿͛̄͆̈́̌̀͂͋̋̄̌̂̽͌̈́̅̀̓̀̀́̎̃͐͆́͆̎͐̀̅̅͌̀͐̌͑̂̍̇͘̕͘̚͘̕̕͘̚̕̕̕̚̕̕͘͜͝͝͠͝͝͠͠͝͠͝͠͝͝͝͝͠͠z̷̢̡̡̨̧̡̨̢̧̧̨̢̡̧̧̢̠̮̙̪̰͔͖̤̗̪͕̗̜̜̱̮͖̭͖̪̞̼͕̘͓̦͔͈͖̩̮̰̜̪̦͍̘̗̞̘̦̙̲̲̘͔̫̠̹̹͈̖̺̮̞͙̗̹̖̬̝͖͚̣̤̬̘̠͉̮̱͍̘̹͔͚̮̭̦͈̹̹͔͖̻͍̩͓̠̬͓̤̻̠̜̙͙͈͍̦̺̬͈̰̝̤̬̦̫̤̦̰̤̪̠̬̭͖̖͎͕͚̺͕̟̗̱̭͈͈̻̳͚̖̭̯̜̞͉̦̤̘̮̞͖̩̗̟̭͉͉̫̝̝̪͖̤͔̫̝̎̂̍͜ͅͅͅͅͅͅͅz̴̢̢̡̨̡̨̢̡̡̨̨̛̛̛̛̤̬̥̬̦̳̩̖̲̫̖̣̟̥̭̰̙̥̺̠͉̝̠̝͈̬̤̗͍̰̬̼̜͍̟͙͙͙͕̩̣͔̯̙̜̟̘̬̩̬̙̘̜̫̘͇̫͚̞̰̙͇̖͈̖̝͓̞̞͎̤̤̜̺̲̮͈̮͇̦̱͇͎͇͚͚̬̬̖͇̜̙̤̣̙̮̱̙͚͍̩̗̼̬̮̭̙̻̬̞̗͚̱͚͇͔̠͉̱͎̳͕͈͔̙̥̥̰̪͈̞̣͖̱͉͍̹͚̥͆͛̀́͑̊͌̌͋̄̀̔́͑̇̔̄̐͐̆̊̑͂̆̀͐̓͑̈́̓̀͌̉͊̅̍̍̃̋̃͌͒̿̋̊̈́͌͑̌̉͌̈̾̑̀̋̇̑̏̃̎͛̈́̿̍̈́̐̒̂̆͂̽̈́̾͊̓͛̍͊̌̐̒̍̽̀̉̽̇͊͗̓̑̽̊̿͑̿̎̓̏͂̈́̀̑̊̓̃͑̀̅̾́͗̽̇͋̉͋͋͗͛̋̽̔̈́̉̾̒̾̋̂̀̀͐̊̀̉̏̄̑̾͐̆͂̀͊̾͒͊̓̒̊̍̄̈́̈́̌̾̊̍͋̐͋͛̄̋͐̉͗̓́̌̏̈́͂̓̌͆̌̀̀̏̅͒̔͒̂̆̽̃͊̀̇̓̀͊̈́̉́͐͒͂͌̎̋̆̎̀̔͒͊͊̒̋͊̕̕̕̚͘̕̕̚̕̕͘̕͘̕̕͘̕͜͜͜͜͜͠͠͝͠͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͠͠ͅͅͅǧ̵̡̢̢̧̧̡̢̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛͇̺̖̙̼͔͇͙͕̝̞̙̫̯̺͖̤̩̤̦̜͚̹̠̳̝͔̮̳̝̙͇͖̥͓̥͈̳͔̙̦͚͙̞̗̦̮̙̠̠̞͇̞͖͍͚̠̘͍͉̣͕̟̤̳̥̳̲͕̣͚͚̌̏̽̈́̈͌̊͂͒̂͗̓͗̒͐̇́́̀̐̏̃̀͌̉̐̀̓̍͌̂͌͂̀͗̿̉̉̄̂̅̒̌̊͛̑̽́̒͐̔͒̂̋̆̅̋̂̒̋̐̇͛͊̀͊͐̓͂̽̾̑̈̽͛̌̒̓̌̽͋͐̂̍́͗́̓̎͊̃͐͐̾̾̐̾̂̈́͆̔̓͆̃̿́͋̈͒̑̍̈̓̄̋͋͛̊͆̈́̔̆͒̇̅̌̋͗͐̿͑̈́̉̈́́͊͂͆̽̈́́͋͑́̃̆̄̑̓͊̋̀̈̅̌͐̅̆̓͑̓̒̑̾̄̈́͌͋̂͆̋̾̿͊̇͂͒̀̌̎͗͑̋̿͂̐̂̃̅̇͋́͐́͌̆̂̾̓̈́͑̔́̇̈́̅̌͋͒̓̀̿̈́͋͌̂̊͐́͊̈́̄́͑͛̀̏͆͒̔͊͑͂̓̚͘̕͘̚̚̚̚͘̚̚͘̚̚̚͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͠͝͝͝͠͝͠͝͝ͅͅb̷̨̡̧̢̨̢̡̢̛̛̛̛̛̛̲͕̟̥̮̬̙̻̱̗̹̬̳̦̤̦̯̣̻͇͙̼̺̤̭̩͕͎̝̻̱̣͓̱̳̟̼̱̙̦͇̮̠̲̞̳͍̼̗͎͙̣̫̠̠̥̬͎̭̮̣͖͇͉̤̰̹̣̰̲̰̪̻̯͍̬̙͕̦̘̞̜̦͙̳͎̹̻̥̭̯̝̮̳̩̩̺͗̽͊̋̑̏͋̎̆͊̽̐͊́̽̀̌̀̊͒̒̽͆͋͑͆͆̋͋̊̊͛̑͌̓̋̇͒͗̈́́̈́̽̐̑̔̋́̈́̄̈́̈́́̒̅́̇̅̑̋̅͒́͆̃́̌̒̂̅̉̒̒̀͗͊͑̌̋̆̀̈́̂̈́͊̌͘̚̚̕͘͘̕̚̚͘̕͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͠͝͠͝ͅͅͅͅr̷̡̛̛̮̦̞͓͇̼̟͇̺͙͙͉͌̇̓͂̀̈́̇̆̐͑͐̍̊͆̂́̓̔̾̿̐̌͌̿̅̆̌̈́̋̊̓̎́̑̈́̀̓̇̎̃̀̃̅̃̌͊͌́̃̎̈̈́̐̒͊́̐̇̑͗̽̅̋̏̑̋̑̌́͗́͂͌̓͆̾̀̉̅̂̒̿̅͆̇̆̌̋͋̽̄̔̈́̔̈́͛̈́̓̍́̀͂̓̉͋̌̆̾̌̈́͒̎̉̿̀͒̿͗͗͒̓̏́̎̈͊͛̔̿̓̌͛͆̈́͛̇̈̀̓̏̓́̉̚͘̚͘̕̚̕̕͘̕̕͜͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͝͝͝͝t̵̢̢̢̢̢̡̧̢̡̢̡̡̧̢̡̡̛̗̱̟̦̻͕͓̭̰̺͔̲̼̟̲͖̬͉̗̫̺̜̠̱͙͍͎̼͙̭̘̩̠͔͕͙̜̣̦͉̦̮̰̞͇̺͔͔͎̥̞̩͎̹̘̯̯͈̟̩͙̘̭̤͇̦̙̱̣͓͉͎͖̦͚̞̲̬͔̙̻̦̺͙͇̗̖̼͈̱̗̺͖̖̗̮̯̜̜̯̻̻̠͖͖̰͖̤̬̣͔̪̭͇̪̯͚̫͓͔̞͙̘̘͚͎̜̼͈͈̞̼̜̠͓̦͎̹̱̭̳̭̱̠͉̦̤̞͚̯̣̹̭̲̮̤̱͕̭̰͖͔̠̹͈̠̫̬̤̭̲̹͍̩͎͕̰̞̮̻̳͈̥̫͙͉̝̱̪̙̳̖̻̫͕̹̣̙̟̩̙̄̀͑̍̋͌̉̎͗̃̊̌͌̈́̎͂͌̉̔̈̄͐͋͛͆͒̑͐̊̀͗͒͂̋͗̈͑̊̀̃͒̓̓̏͒͛̃̃̔̈́͗̿̋̑̅̄̍̓͛̈̆͊̍̿̂̌̊͛̆̾̽̉̆̇̐̽̉̏̿͐͆͊͌́̒̒͋̈́͊̎̈͒̌̈́́̀͂́̋̈̏͘͘͘̕̚̕͘͘̕̚͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͠͠͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅv̴̧̧̡̡̧̨̧̨̡̡̨̧̡̨̢̧̨̡̨̢̨̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̱̣̠͔̱̝̣̖̦̙͇̠͔̻̙͖͚̜͓̖̳̲̣̫̥͖̪͇̥͎̖̻͖͚̱̱̼̩͓̬̘̭̩̘̟̤͍̖̬̥̣͔̰͚̤͙̬̜̥͕̺̳̝͚̲̩̙͍̱̘̤̥͉̮͙̠͙̞̦̬̻͚̹̭̣͉̪̥̮̪͕̩̟̳͔̖̭͉̜̝̩̣̭͍̹̟̰̳̗̫͖͉̠̥̖̱̭͔̟͈̼͈͓̯̲̞̱̬̩̞͇͕̻̰̙̘̫̦̙̬̯͎̝̻̙͙̱̞͍͙͇̺̰̣̲̹̹̝͚͓̩͖̝̥͙̫̳̲̟͙̤̦͇̗̻̮͖̖͉̹̟̲͎̤̱̝̞̲͔͔̲̰̞͚̮̮͉̳̮̰͙͍̰͙̩̜̟̙̗̜̠̘̗̺̦̦̲̹͔̱͔̱̲̫̝̘̘̱̻͍̠͉͎̝͙͖́̐̉̾̇̃̆͒̐̆̉͗̂̐̄͊̈͌̐͂͐̿̀͌̏͛̆̎͗̍̐̾̏̎̃̏͌̉̒̄̄̀̐̓̊̽̓́̂̓̑̀͌̐̈̾͂̅͂͐̓̌͋̍̒͌̅̏̄̏͂̄͐͛̌̔̆̓̀͆̃̌̾̑͑͌̀̔͛́́͂̉͑̌̾̎̊̔̉́̑͌͗̓̐̇̽̓͂̑͌̋̉̄̏̀̅̒͐̇̀̐̊̊̾̄̏̒̆̂̈̎̃̑́͒͋̄̌̔̓́͐̊̌̑͛̅̎̔̌͗̾̋́̀̊̀̃̌̐̓̎̓̇̓̌̓̽̐̿́̈́̓̆̓̽̽͆̎͆̆̈́̋̒̓͒̄͊̈́̈́͑̔͗̀̐̈͂̐̐̀̂̇̒͆͌̾͋͐̄̐̎̃̃̔͆̍̒̓̀̃̐̒̏̽̇͊̓͋̆͗̋̈́̎̿̏̈́̎̑͋͐͆̕̕̚̕͘͘̕͘̚͘͘͘̕͘͘̕̚͜͜͜͜͜͜͠͝͝͠͝͠͠͝͠ͅͅͅͅͅͅ

Crying and covered in blood.

Mars was full so my ancestors had no choice but to come here :(

Random chance but also the anthropic principle.

A long family tradition.

If the universe is infinite we also ended up on another earth very far away where the combination atoms just happened to repeat in the same combination as here and now.

There was a hell of a party called The Big Banger. Shit was poppin. Everything was created, from things, to location for those things to exist in, to time for those things to change through. It was really tight and hot, but as more space was created, things were able to calm and cool down, giving the opportunity for organization rather than pure chaos. After a really long time, things started to gather together because of gravity.

As things accumulated, they created large bodies. If enough things accumulated in one body, they would start to make newer more complex things and light! However, there’s a limit to how complex things can be made through gravity squeezing things together. When that limit hits, the body explodes. The force inside the explosion is so powerful, that is was able to make things more complex than gravity was able to. And, through the explosion, all these things get spread out. With the passage of more time, that stuff starts to accumulate again.

Since it’s so spread out, most of it accumulates in the middle, but some accumulates around it. It creates these cool discs of celestial bodies that lap around a huge central body. The central body, being so big, starts to make it’s less complex things into more complex just like before. This gives off light again. The smaller bodies doing the laps get pretty hot on the inside, but cooler on the outside. This creates a cyclic pattern of things moving about and mixing within the little bodies. With everything getting all mixed up and receiving light & heat from the central celestial body, the opportunity for the most complex things is present. Eventually, the perfect conditions are arise, and the things start to organize just to organize! Yep, that’s right. Things become autistic.

While things organized, their strategy is random. The ones that are best at organizing for their environment, continue to do so, while the ones that suck just don’t anymore. Through this competition of developing the best strategy, more complex things develop. At some point, one of the things begins to use the light from the big body as energy to become so complex, it can unify with other complex things, making a multicomplex things! This process continued until those things develop the capacity to have excess energy, plan, and alter their environment to help them organize even better, even if it is at the expense of other things just doing their own thing. But, it works out overall because it creates a massive system. At the peak of organization, the things release the Belgian techno-anthem Pump Up the Jam. After that (you are here ❌), they purposely destroy their environment since they reached the peak of organization and complexity, and just slowly let everything become chaotic and random until there is so much space, that time becomes meaningless.

If my mother’s weird religion is to be believed (it’s not), we chose the earth out of a list of planets. And we’ll get to choose again when we die.

Also Jesus is an alien now. Doing Jesus things in the Andromeda galaxy or some shit.

did they stop teaching evolution in schools

Someone on another planet around another star is probably asking the same thing about their conditions. Once you understand how they could be there, you understand why we’re here.

Wrong turn on 3rd…