Say hypothetically I’ve already shot my shot and was shot down, how would I go about getting over this (without rebounding to other people or whatever)?
Edit: Thanks everyone, for all the comments, support, and advice! Majority rules a tie between time and distractions lol. Seriously though thanks y’all
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In general, we just… do. What that looks like is going to be different for everyone and how you get there will be unique to you, but even without trying you almost certainly just will… get over it. Necessity if nothing else will help with that. You’ve still got to feed yourself, maintain your friendships and any other relationships you have, pay your bills, advance your goals and carry on. Life doesn’t typically care very much that you’d really rather just put it on hold and ruminate for a while.
I guess that doesn’t sound very helpful but time has a way of doing the getting over for us. Sometimes you need more of it, depending on the source and magnitude of your pain, but eventually enough time is all you need.
To put it in perspective, if you’ve ever experienced this before, the previous crush likely doesn’t feature too loudly on your radar right now and yet they might have been your whole world at one stage. If this is the first time you’ve been through this, it probably won’t be your last and there are probably similarly painful experiences in your past that seemed very important to you when they were fresh that are all but forgotten now. Try to remember that you walked that passage from all consuming fixation, to just a memory before and you can walk it again.
On a more practical level it probably would help things go faster if you could avoid too much contact with the person for a while so you don’t have to keep raking over the unpleasant emotions associated with the rejection and don’t have to keep fighting the urge to try your luck again when reminded of how much you like them, but then again often work or school or other environments can force you to have to see someone repeatedly even after there’s awkwardness between the two of you. In that scenario, well, to repeat the initially glib and unhelpful sounding advice, it’ll just happen with time, even when it feels like it won’t, don’t worry - you will get over this.
Hang out with friends & follow routine. Life goes on, even if you don’t feel like it for the time.
Time.
Go to a party with your friends, and instantly fall in love with the daughter of your father’s enemy. Sneak up to her window that night and flirt heavily, winning her heart.
At this point I highly recommend secretly marrying her, but be cautious that the enmity between the two families may cause you to get your friend killed, leading you to kill your now-cousin due to the afore-mentioned wedding.
At this point it can get pretty crazy… but the girl you were pining for? Her name never comes up again.
People say time and distractions and whatever else … but the only advice that ever really helped me was a line from some character on a TV show I don’t even remember:
“In my experience, to move on, you’ve actually got to move on.”
In other words… Go meet new people, get a new crush, find the greener pasture.
Go get a escort
Imagine if she did say yes. Then imagine your lives together, getting married etc. then imagine your biggest argument, lies, cheating, divorce, losing custody of your children and then ending up as a drunk on the streets, with no purpose in life, waiting to die.
Gym(exercise, walk), reading(knowledge) and meditation, and never ever have contact with he/she again(no friends or whatever).
Crushes tend to seem unattractive after you learn everything else about them.
Absolutely. You should go ahead and find out any little detail. It’s best to follow them around so you don’t miss anything.
To get over them, of course.
Non-intrusively at least. I didn’t mean it like “pry into them” or anything. But it’s safe to say that feeling a certain way about absolutely everything about someone is so unlikely that being too drawn to someone is most likely a sign of the other person’s shallowness, whether that’s intentional or not.
Right, so be super duper secretive about your observation of them.
If they notice you need to INSIST they’re just crazy and seeing things.
See if you can hire a private investigator
Time. Try to focus on hobbies or other things you enjoy, try to surround yourself with positive influences, and let time do the work.
I think that doing some soul searching and determining if the friendship you have with the person is something you can continue healthily is a big thing a lot of people don’t do. Then just taking time and distracting yourself with other positive interests that help you feel good about yourself so you don’t do the why aren’t I good enough spiral. Other than that just making sure you don’t continue to push the issue or guilt the person for not wanting a romantic relationship
There’s nothing wrong with rebounding, as long as you recognize that’s what you’re doing. Have a fling, just try not to break any hearts. Let them know you’re just having fun and aren’t ready for something serious.
But to your first question, distract yourself with as many interesting things as you can. People, games, movies, sports, work, hobbies. Find the next exciting thing. Basically, continue thriving after the adversity of rejection.
Realize that the person who rejected you is the wrong person, since why would you want someone who doesn’t want you? You really dodged a bullet there!
That’s how I always thought it. Even if I did get with them, I’d be with someone that doesn’t want me. How miserable for both of us.
Then it’s time to go find someone like that person that does like me. Could be passing them every day and wouldn’t know if I’m still hung up on the impossible.
Work on yourself :D Do things that you like, go out with friends, pickup a new hobby. You know, people come and go, you’ll have yourself until you die
