I got my hearing professionally checked today and all is normal. But I have difficulty hearing people I am dining with, talking in restaurants. Is it me, or is the music just too damn loud?!
Because you choose to keep going to restaurants where they play loud music. No idea why you’re doing that
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Talking customers take longer to gtfo their tables so they can stick someone else in .
They blast loud because if you start talking with your friends and eat slowly and spend a lot of time their eating little.
It’s not you. If I’m at a RESTAURANT and can’t hear my friends, I leave. I won’t spend money at a place I have to yell to be heard (unless there’s a band I specifically want to see or I’m at a bar, but even bars have limits).
You guys don’t like the terrible cover band that comes and blasts their rockin tune?
Most respectable places have music that is loud at the beginning of service when there are few diners, but then the music gets lower as time goes on and the place fills up.
…not that I reread this, I’m really not implying you dont go to reputable places…really
Often because the staff is bored silly and want music to get through their minimum wage shift.
They’ve said restaurants though, not fast food joints.
Correct. A lot of restaurants pay staff that can get tips minimum wage, since they can make $100+ of extra income during the shift.
Some backward countries even have a lower minimum wage for people who can get tips.
It’s to encourage you to eat faster and leave, so your table is available for the next victim.
This is it. It’s why seats/stools look nice but feel uncomfortable after 20 or so minutes.
As a person with digestive problems that lead to hemorrhoids, this one in particular feels like a big fuck you.
I remember seeing this on the news a few years ago. If I remember right, they were interviewing a design firm that does interior design for fast food and fast casual restaurants, and they were talking about all of this. I was really surprised at how candid they were being, since you would think that they would want this to be an industry secret.
The high stools with no back, the music that is too loud, the lights that are a little too bright and kind of hanging down in your field of view: all intentional, so that you’re just ever so slightly uncomfortable and you leave a few minutes sooner.
Don’t they realize that once people leave such a place, they’re never coming back? There are only so many locals in a given area. Unless the place is a tourist trap this seems like a shitty idea for long term business.
If the food is amazing, then people will come back. The point is to make the location slightly uncomfortable enough that people want to leave sooner, not that they hate the place. The idea is you need to balance cost of food, and customer turn around time. If you make it very expensive, people won’t feel comfortable taking the food to go, even if it is an amazing item. On the flip side, a cheap menu that is very comfortable will be overly cost prohibitive.
- Create environment actively hostile to remain in for long periods of time
- Expect people to work and be productive in said environment for hours on end
Explains why I don’t like eating out and never cared for paying for stuff like the ambiance even at fancy restaurants and prefer take out.
Take out sadly still covers the ambiance
Tile or concrete floors, hard surface walls, glass windows all reflect sound. As people start talking, if they are drinking they get louder, so then each table is trying to talk over the tables around them. Without acoustic damping, it can get pretty loud.
That’s a big part of it, but some people are just loud and some restaurants just play their music way too loud all the time.
Some bosses want to make sure you can hear the music at a decent volume at the back tables. Meanwhile the front tables:
I have ADHD and I find I have lots of difficulties with auditory processing in high noise floor situations. Also got my hearing checked because I couldn’t understand people in loud spaces. Turns out ADHD brains just don’t handle processing all that noise well. If I understand it correctly it’s because we need to process everything at the same level instead of some things being easy to leave on autopilot. Might not be your case but it sounded familiar so, that’s my two bits.
I just don’t go to restaurants/bars with loud music anymore because of this. Buying beer and snacks somewhere else and sitting in public parks with my friends is better and much cheaper.
So you’re basically saying we’re doing manual processing of the output stream instead of using pipewires inbuilt filters, like in the PulseAudio days?
Wow this sounds so familiar. I need to learn more. Any resources you could recommend?
I’m on the same camp as you and also undiagnosed. I’ve suspected some form of autism but didn’t think ADHD could be my thing
I’m currently on an autism diagnosis waiting list cuz there’s just not that many adult autism services in my area so maybe it might be that too ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
FWIW if you’re 18+ there is less reason to get formally diagnosed. University of Washington did a study some time ago which found self diagnosis is rarely wrong. Link to that PDF here: https://depts.washington.edu/uwautism/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Self-Diagnosed-Adult-Autism-Resources-handout-9-22-22.pdf
A good way to find out is a combination of a couple tests. The RAADS-R is the most accurate known autism test, is is over 80% accurate. Here is a free one that doesn’t require registration: https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/
And if you doubt you’re autistic in any way (guessing based on wanting to be diagnosed), the CAT-Q is a good test to identify camouflaged autistic traits that you’ve learned to hide. This one is also free from the same place: https://embrace-autism.com/cat-q/
Feel free to ask if you have questions. I’m late diagnosed myself (was over 30) and it’s a big world to navigate blindly!
Hey there I replied to the person that replied to you but I think that comment may be of value to you. https://reddthat.com/comment/12415216
And FWIW, there is only one kind of autism. ;)
Thanks!
I hadn’t taken those tests before. The raads-r gave me 98 the first time and 105 the second. I found the questions even more infuriating than other tests as there is no frame of reference for most questions, or questions are too ambiguous. Results were the same though- “you sit on the threshold”.
The cat-q was interesting. I scored 115 which apparently would be pretty high for a neurotypical female. Not sure what to make of that.
https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/adhd/ This seems like a useful test to me for getting a better idea if you should talk to a psychiatrist or not. It’s ups and downs getting diagnosed, especially as an adult. I had one psychiatrist give me their full test and questionnaire and decided I was borderline but wouldn’t diagnose me or prescribe anything, (I was already on a med that helped but not any of the controlled ones) The next psychiatrist I went to a few years later didn’t even have me do the test, we had an in person appointment, (which I was late to) and after we’d talked for about 20 minutes I asked “so, when do we schedule the ADHD assessment?” He said “Oh, no, we don’t need to do one, you very clearly have ADHD.” XD Honestly though I learned more about it from the experiences of people on social media who had it than I ever learned from a doctor. I’d start with searching ADHD hashtags and see if you resonate with other people’s experiences.
Thank you.
Since you mentioned you got your hearing checked and everything is okay… Auditory Processing Disorder is a pretty common neurodivergence with a lot of overlap with ADHD/OCD/depression/anxiety/et al. It’s common with any or all of the others, but it shows up in neurotypical people too.
I’m ADHD and have APD as well :)
Same here, stimulant meds help a lot with it. I also have troubles understanding lyrics in songs. English isn’t my first language and I really thought that I just don’t understand this accents. Turns out that I can understand the lyrics way better when on meds, without it just sounds jibberisch - I can hear the syllables but they don’t make any sense.
That was one of my biggest revelations last year. Figuring out I have ADHD and that’s why it’s hard for me to understand people, especially in crowded and loud spaces. Sometimes I found myself simultaneously listening to music, other people’s conversations and my own conversations. Makes it quite difficult sometimes.
In some crowded places they do it, so it doesn’t feel like a central station.
I personally avoid such places. There are many who make live music a selling point, which always plays super loud to the point where any chat can only happen by shouting into someone else’s ear. How people like this is beyond me
Pro-tip: Even in a loud place you can (and should!) speak with your normal voice (e.g. no shouting) when having your mouth an inch or two from the other person’s ear. They will hear you just fine, even if you can’t hear yourself.
Switched on Pop: Gastropod: Why are restaurants so loud? Plus the science behind the perfect playlist
Episode webpage: http://www.switchedonpop.com
Off topic, but related to unwanted noise. Why do white waitstaff/restaurants interupt you when you are talking to someone to ask you “How is everything? Everyone doing ok?”. removed look at the plate. I haven’t touched it since you gave it to me 30 seconds ago. Take a note from Asians. Silently fill the water, observe the vibe, and go if no one says anything. Or some Latino restaurants where they won’t do anything unless you explicitly call them over and ask. I’d take loud music you have to shout over if Cindi with a ‘i’ doesn’t interupt conversations.
That shit annoys me too. I was just at a restaurant today where the waitress would not only interrupt but then linger to babble on and on. Like bitch I’m on a date, fill my drink and fuck off.
I agree, asian places have the best service. Super respectful and I do appreciate that.
Yes they constantly interrupt. Definitely feels like you are there for them versus they are there for your service. Whole new subject.
Definitely an american thing. I always find it annoying when I travel there. Also, bringing the bill with desert. Let me finish my meal first before giving me hints to get the fuck out
I can understand where you are coming from, from the other perspective, I have gone into places gotten my food, got my dessert, they don’t bring the bill. 40 minutes later I’m asking a different waiter to get me my check because my waiter never came back.
I’d rather they bring the check right away so I can pay them leave when I want.
Rant incoming:
“Fast casual” has ruined dinning. The concept is a volume play of moving as many customers as quick as possible while still giving “personalized service” with the least number of servers possible. Naturally this becomes a race to the bottom with “service” taking the biggest hit since it is the most subjective experience and thus the hardest to measure. The worst part is that most American diners we are slowly lowering expectations in which allows for further reductions in service and makes the experience even worse, but “with prices like these, what can you expect?”
You’ll want to smash both your arms as loud as possible on the table while dominantly starting at them.
Works for me every time.
It’s to ensure your food is up to expectations. Mistakes happen, and a busy dining room dictates a server will help you when they can, not necessarily when you try to flag them down.
