I’m familiar with the last one. Love the “ketchup effect”, have to remember that one

My mom used to describe a solution to a problem that worked well as “slicker than snot”

Used that phrase in a work meeting once when I was younger and got the most eclectic mix of reactions ranging from, “ think I’m going to vomit” to full on LOLs.

70’s kid my Dad says “wadda want eggs in your milk?” (still to this day)

always said if you “upscale” something.
Me: Dad I need shoes Dad: ok we will get some. Me: how about those Adidas like Run DMC Dad: Wadda want eggs in your milk too

funny thing is as dumb as the saying is. My oldest child used it the other day when a person was trying to merge in front of him

“watch the ficus” - telling somebody to be more careful after they do something clumsy like tripping or nearly dropping something. I used it in front of some friends once and got confused looks. Apparently grandma used to have a potted ficus tree and used to tell me to watch it when I was playing close to it, so it stuck as a saying in the family.

“play with fire. get burnt!!!” or “play with a cobra. your face gets bitten!!”. both mean the same concept and are truly interesting and true

My Grandmother used to say “It’s better than a kick in the teeth” when deflecting disappointment in an outcome–putting a positive spin on a negative. Being from the UK it seemed universal, but moving to Canada and saying that, people gave me odd looks.

The other one is when somebody is talking nonsense or a bit crazy, they would say “They are out of their tree”. For the Welsh the tree symbolizes stability and mental wellness (druids I guess) and if you were stressed or needed to chill their phrase translates to “I need to go back to my trees”

Not a family saying, but my grandad used this joke soooo often:

Q: What’s the difference between a snake in the grass and a goose?

A: A snake in the grass is an asp in the grass, but a grasp in the ass is a goose!

My folks liked to purposefully mix metaphors, so instead of saying “The worm has turned”, they’d say, “The shoe has turned” and “The worm is on the other foot”.

I’m sure there’s an origin somewhere, but since I don’t know it, the call-out for doing something particularly dumb was, “Why don’t you just ram your face into my fist?” (suggesting your stupidity was impressive, but not worth the actual bother of ‘punishing’ you for it, especially given you were probably stupid enough to punish yourself).

My mom often used two:

“Useless as tits on a bull” (often referencing her husband, my dad)

And also, “shit fire and save matches”, which I never understood to actually have a meaning, it was more like just an exclamation of surprise.

The ketchup effect and the suffering legs are pretty common here and I have heard many use it. Especially the one with the legs is more or less a cliche by now.

The one with the sliding Jesus i have v never heard before!

You better finish your dinner, don’t you know there are starving children in Africa?

“That’s the cock for Dolly!” - Finally got that working.

You might already heard this one but I didn’t learn until a relatively recent internet meme that its only here in Norway that something being “complete texas” means its completely chaotic and messy.

Also I’m using “what the fir forest” (“hva i granskauen”) as a replacement for “what the hell” and I have no idea where I’ve picked it up… Nobody else around me do, not even family. Works just as fine though against pain and annoyances.

My mom used to tell my brother’s and I to eat vegetables that were longer than they are wide because it’s good for growing an ankle duster.

A Dutch one I got from my Oma: “It’s as if the angels upon my tongue have pissed”. It means “yum”.

“Dead meat is hung, live meat is hanged.” Turns out most people’s grandma’s aren’t radical leftist english teachers.