I’ve seen so many men terrified of anything gay themed. I’ve watched men refuse to be friends with people who didn’t act manly enough. I’ve watched grown-ass men bark “f@gg0+,” every time they saw 2 dudes expressing an interest in one another on TV. Pink Pony Club, I Kissed a Girl, and several other songs are a complete turn-off for them.
I have to ask, what scares you guys? What, sitting in the pit of your stomach, do you feel and think when you see gay things?
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I know this is a semi serious question. But my first thought was “the penis”.
Eek!
They are afraid of liking it.
I think that answer only carries so much weight: racists aren’t afraid of becoming black.
Probably more of a joke responce than anythint else.
Well, I mean. . . from the outside. . . It appears to create a ladder of self-worth, enabling someone to validate themselves above others for appearing not to conform to the group. While also ensuring your own compliance, by allowing the ladder to collapse in under you.
Edit: The question is, what are they complying with?
That they would get dehumanized and treated the way they/other men treat gays and women.
I’m pulling this out of my ass, no pun intended, but I’ve always imagined it as homephobes distancing themselves from anything gay, especially being gay and liking gay stuff.
Like as in they would never go to a gay bar with their gay friend even though they platonically like the friend, enjoying dancing and so on. If gay stuff is on TV they have to affirm the mantra “I’m not gay so I don’t like stuff” so they use slurs to reaffirm their stance.
There’s also the thing where people view manly and gay as opposite. They identify as manly so they have to not like gay stuff.
Bottom line, I think they’re insecure about their masculinity, afraid of actually becoming gay or both.
That they would like it and become gay.
I felt a bit of this as a child, it’s just social pressure and anxiety about being outcast. I’d imagine that often being more outspoken about it is from insecurity because someone might actually be gay (or bi) and either not want to admit it to themselves or at least not want anyone to find out.
In many cases it’s also probably some deep hatred of anything that goes against what they consider “right”, but that too ultimately mostly stems from social pressure about honosexuality being seen as “wrong”
The knowledge that they have thought about sucking dick many times in their life.
Wouldn’t this apply to straight women as well?
No, because it doesn’t scare straight women
I meant: heterosexual men who are scared of gays, because they have thought about sucking dick, must also be scared of straight women (at least of those who actually like sucking dick), by that logic.
I mean, some are.
Think about the details for a second before responding.
Thinking about giving blowjobs isn’t something that scares straight women because that is what they are “supposed to do “. Is scares” straight" men because it “isn’t what they are supposed to do”
I just realized, we had a misunderstanding here.
You were talking about the heterosexual men, who are scared, having thought about sucking dick many times. Thus, they are scared because of their own thoughts.
I thought you meant the gay men had thought about sucking dick many times, and that fact scares the heterosexual men.
And I meant that heterosexual women would have thought about sucking dick as well, thus the heterosexual men must be scared of these women, too.I thought it through, but I misunderstood your comment.
No worries, are you on the spectrum as well? I realised after i submitted the comment that I might have come off like an asshole, I hope you didn’t take that to heart.
I think you should probably ask a person like that(someone who you can ask)?
Other than that, maybe religion and doubt against what they consider as ‘not-normal’?
Usually just insecure people who hang around with other insecure people who always need to prove their toxic masculinity to each other. Then others get roped in because you get excluded from the group if you don’t get involved. It’s very tribal and stupid and fortunately it’s getting less and less common amongst younger men.
And obviously religion plays a big part because being gay is sinful in many religions.I suspect a lot of it got worse around the time Christian values became the “default” cultural representation for pop culture in the west.
Read “whipping girl” by Julia Serano, she goes into the idea of social stigma driving bigotry
I don’t know, the dicks i guess?
i doubt you’ll get a meaningful response from those you’re asking. this platform, lemmy, is in particular not going to expose your question to people like you described. ask it on the big platforms, you’ll get a much wider range and within that, an insanely wide range of bs. but as is obvious, it’s cultural and educational
Fr
OP probably wouldn’t get a meaningful answer in other places either. The kind of guy that reacts to gay men the way described isn’t going to reflect on why they’re scared of homosexuality and come back with anything useful; they’ll just say “I ain’t scared of no bummers!” and then call them a another slur.
fucking weirdass also i am introuble
The “I find it fucking disgusting, bro!” fraction probably isn’t here. Or if they are, they are probably smart enough not to walk into this wood chipper.
There is a strong correlation between shame people feel for having tried it before or for not being able to admit to themselves that they feel this way and then how loud they get. Pair that with religiosity or just a very conservative environment and upbringing and you get the aforementioned bros. It’s more about how they feel, how insecure they are, than about anything physically off-putting. And as somebody who once reacted poorly to being hit on by a lovely Aussie, I think it’s also the somewhat unexpected element of it. We are pattern recognisers. Heterosexual is the majority. We can easily get freaked out by something that’s different. And a lot of the LGBTQ+ folks are still not living their romance in public (if there is some and they also want to) because they avoid wood chippers society has an unfortunately abundant supply of for them.
yeah, excuse me while i say, yeah
I’ll do my best. I can vaguely remember some of the words that came out of my mouth when I was around 13-18 years old. Most of which were slurs rather than deep thoughts.
The slurs were more to do with what was typical/acceptable talk at the time (late 90s-early 2000s) in combination with teenage boys love nothing more than being assholes to each other (typically to my straight friends) because they think it’s funny.
Some of my “deeper thoughts”, for as well as a teenager can articulate, were to do with not understanding and frankly not actually trying to understand any other perspective. I believe I was simply trying to boost myself by stepping on others. I don’t think there was ever a point in which I hated gay people, but I do remember saying how I thought it was disgusting (gay sexual acts)and I had opinions on gay couples raising children even though I had no evidence to support those opinions.
I don’t think any of it ever scared me, none of what I said was out of fear. I was never worried about liking it, as some other comments suggested. Instead, It was an easy way to safely feel superior to cope with my lengthy list of insecurities.
As my brain began to mature, my thoughts quickly changed.
So… Immaturity, insecurity, ignorance.
Nowadays… regret. Sorry everyone.
You seem to be a similar age to me, so have a similar response to my own.
But to add to your answer; for me in my younger years, it was primarily the fear of being othered by my peers. Being gay was seen as the worst thing a man could be, ergo, being seen as gay by my peers would have been the worst thing. So I’d overcorrect with homophobia.
In our defence (my peers and I, I mean), we were also in the midst of the AIDS crisis, where the news would keep bringing us stories of how many gay men were dying because they were having sex with each other. That’s legitimately scary when you’re young, just beginning to understand what sex is, and that you like the idea of it.
But in the interim I’ve grown up and moved into a mental space where I’m less of a prick.
For the past couple of years I’ve marched in the two pride marches local to me as a fully paid up supported of the LGBTQ+ community, not least because these days I don’t really consider myself to be straight anyway. I’m just a bloke-shaped person who likes to experience sex with other people, regardless of their junk.
I’m glad you grew out of it. Too many boys never do
This is the wrong question. You don’t know about sociology’s reason and it makes sense you would ask this. I’m not going to explain further than wrong question and figure out sociology’s answer because anything LGBTQ is a rabbit hole.
Then you just wasted your time and everyone else’s.
Yeah I wouldn’t expect people to know shit about what they want to talk about anyways if it needs critical thinking skills.
Why is it wrong and what would be the right one?
Its ignorant of sociological principles. What OP sees as “fear” is the complete opposite in sociology and reality. Its similar to how a whole bunch of people in Germany became Nazi supporter. They weren’t born to be Nazis. Same as these people weren’t born to be afraid of homosexuality. Its ignorant and the wrong question to be asking. The right question is what brings this consistent ideology or theme. What makes it popular enough that enough people decide to participate in it that op finds this pattern and asks it online.
Tbh, i don’t think the question was meant to get an academically rigorous answer. It seems more like a complaint (just look at the rest of the post). Maybe that’s why OP said “fear” a bit loosely, or maybe they don’t realize that “phobia” (which is really what this is about—homophobia) can also mean repulsion. Either way, wouldn’t it be better to interpret it in the best light and explain what you were aiming for—the sociological causes?
Not if you’re asking a question two steps away from answering yourself anyways. This is why sociology should be a requirement. If I go down that rabbit hole like I said it would be way too long. If it missed the point of the argument then why even bother giving them any explanation. It’s not a fear of homophobia is why it’s the wrong question.
For some reason i didn’t read this part of your earlier response:
The right question is what brings this consistent ideology or theme. What makes it popular enough that enough people decide to participate in it that op finds this pattern and asks it online
Now i can put the pieces together and have a rough idea where you’re going with this.
Anyway, let me insist that you’re asking something from the OP that it wasn’t trying to give in the first place. Your approach is academic, the OP’s is emotional.
OP is trying to solve a question that is the wrong approach altogether. Academic or emotional if you’re not going the right way it’s a pointless discussion.
I understand you think it’s wrong, but that’s because you’re looking at this through a different lens.
Here’s what i take from it:
I don’t like seeing people behave this way in these circumstances; i really don’t understand it. Lets talk about what you people feel in those same circumstances.
In casual communicative contexts, phrasing something as a question doesn’t necessarily mean it’s seeking an answer or at least not one that solves a problem. So, this can’t be a pointless discussion, because it isn’t a discussion at all, and certainly not an academic one. It’s people sharing experiences, just a conversation. it’s great you want more rigor, but asking for it here as if it were obvious misses the point: this wasn’t a context that demanded rigor from the start.
