I’ve only ever had sex with one other person before and have been celibate for the past four years since that relationship ended. I didn’t perform oral for her either because she had some sexual trauma and didn’t want me down there even though I offered (mostly because I didn’t want to be a selfish lover).
I feel awful because I think a partner who’s willing to receive oral should also be willing/able to perform it. She’s also mentioned trying other sex acts that make me feel pretty viscerally uncomfortable (anal - both receiving and giving).
Has anyone else struggled with this? Do y’all have any suggestions as to how I can get over feeling this way?
The core of a fulfilling sex-life is trust, consent and communication. It seems that there is a need for discussion. Discuss the things you are willing to do. Talk about your and her fears and things that you like and don’t like. Be clear about what are things you will not do at all and things you could see yourself doing at some later point.
If she does not like receiving oral don’t feel bad about receiving it yourself. That does lot make you selfish. It makes you respectful of her boundaries.
Above all be kind, understanding and give each other the time you need.