• drolex@sopuli.xyz
    0·
    9 个月前

    be me, formerly professional-level troll on WoW forums

    my golden days are long gone, sadly

    lightbulb.wav

    what if I used all my experience and mastery to earn a living?

    gonna open a therapist office

    MFW I’m the worst therapist in the world and morons come and pay me to ask them why they are still virgins at 28

    they always go home sobbing

    [Insert some pepe]

  • ChonkyOwlbear@lemmy.world
    0·
    9 个月前

    Therapists with specialties seem to dislike it when their client doesn’t fall under that umbrella. I had a therapist whose specialty was child sexual abuse. I told her I didn’t experience any and she defensively snapped “Are you sure? Maybe you don’t remember it!”. I did not stick with her for long.

      • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
        0·
        9 个月前

        "are you sure it’s that you just weren’t a hot enough kid? "

        "how does it feel to know your parents/relatives didn’t find you sexually attractive enough to abuse you? "

        • rbn@sopuli.xyz
          0·
          9 个月前

          "are you sure it’s that you just weren’t a hot enough kid? "

          "how does it feel to know your parents/relatives didn’t find you sexually attractive enough to abuse you? "

          Story of Mr(s) Garrison’s life.

    • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
      0·
      9 个月前

      What do you even supposed to say to that.

      I’m pretty sure it never happened but I guess I could have forgotten, I guess, if you want.

    • deathbird@mander.xyz
      0·
      9 个月前

      I swear some therapists exist just to teach you to stick up for yourself by being lousy at their jobs.

    • Dejected Warp Core@lemmy.world
      0·
      9 个月前

      To be fair, black-hole-ing a traumatic memory absolutely happens to people. That said, that reaction is absolutely not how to go about resurfacing that kind of thing. If anything it needs to be handled with way more care than self-reported trauma.

      • QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works
        0·
        9 个月前

        Are you sure? Cause mostly I hear the idea of repressed memories being bullshit.

        See the Satanic Panic where a bunch of people suddenly “remembered” being forced to do Satanic Rituals at daycare

        • vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works
          0·
          9 个月前

          I have repressed memories, but that was intentional on my part and its not like it undoes the C-PTSD. Just means I don’t wake up in a cold sweat anymore like I did when I was 10, the memories are there and can come back with the right trigger but they are luckily rather scarce.

          I just wish I could do that to the embarrassing shit I’ve done over the years, and there’s one happening right now FUCK. It’s like I have a cursed version of Nenios ability to forget in Pathfinder wrath of the righteous.

        • Nythos@sh.itjust.works
          0·
          9 个月前

          I have very few memories of my dad being abusive to me, family has told me stories and I remember none of them but I know they happened.

        • Liz@midwest.socialEnglish
          0·
          9 个月前

          It’s a thing. It’s because Traumatic™ memories are stored differently in your brain than normal bad memories. Essentially the part of your brain primarily responsible for digging up memories doesn’t have the connections it world normally use to call up the memory, but the connections within the sensations and experiences of the memory still exist. That’s why a person can “unlock” these memories.

          You have to be super careful trying to dig these things out though, because it is absolutely possible to accidentally lead a person into false memories.

          • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
            0·
            9 个月前

            Informational and episodic memory are stored in different parts of the brain and recalling episodic memory also involves the emotion centres but I don’t think a happy memory and a traumatic memory are necessarily stored any differently.

            How does PTSD fit into repressed memories?

      • markovs_gun@lemmy.world
        0·
        9 个月前

        Nope. This was mostly a psychological fad in the 1980s that led to many ruined lives from false accusations. Even the Wikipedia page starts off by saying the phenomenon has been largely discredited. Many people still believe in it but the vast majority of cases of “repressed memory” cannot be independently proven outside of the patient and therapist and in many cases are actually contradicted by externally verifiable facts.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repressed_memory

        • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
          0·
          9 个月前

          aka all the 1980s/1990s lit on alien abduction was based on this crap and using ‘hypnosis’ to ‘reveal’ it.

          it makes for good story telling, which is why it became a staple of TV dramatizations.

  • Uruanna@lemmy.world
    0·
    9 个月前

    so you’re asexual?

    I want to have sex, I just haven’t

    So, quick note, you can be asexual as in have no attraction to anyone and still be open to sex and horny. “I just haven’t found the right person yet!” can be it and you don’t understand the difference for decades.

  • v3r4@lemmy.org
    0·
    9 个月前

    Just get some estrogens, and a cute dress, is easier to have sex as a woman, really

  • rockerface🇺🇦@lemmy.cafeEnglish
    0·
    9 个月前

    This is obviously fake and gay™, but PSA: if something similar happens to you IRL, it’s not therapy being useless, it’s therapist being an asshole and genuinely harmful to their patients.

    • zaphod@sopuli.xyz
      0·
      9 个月前

      The problem is you don’t know if your therapist might be an asshole before speaking to them.

      • k0e3@lemmy.ca
        0·
        9 个月前

        You just look for a new one then right? I dunno how it works in other places around the world but we don’t have to sign up for an annual contract or anything here in Japan.

        • zaphod@sopuli.xyz
          0·
          9 个月前

          Sure, you just look for someone else, but it’ll take a while, and then you don’t know if your new therapist is also an asshole. And the last interactions with therapists have left some scars that might discourage you from even looking for a new one. Besides the mental health issues that you have might already make it hard to just pick up the phone, which doesn’t make looking for a new therpist easier.

        • snowdriftissue@lemmy.world
          0·
          9 个月前

          Generally speaking people who need mental health help are going to be more easily discouraged by a negative interaction than the general population even if they can afford therapy in the first place. In the US at least there’s also a shortage of therapists, meaning you might have to wait a long time to see anyone at all. And in my experience there are a lot more bad therapists than good ones (though assholes of this level are probably rare).

          Honestly if it were me I’d just save myself the trouble, read a book on CBT and get some antidepressants. But that doesn’t work for everyone.

        • Hudomi@lemmy.world
          0·
          9 个月前

          In Germany, it’s a nightmare to get a therapist in the first place. I called every number available to me, each of them was packed to the brim. Even the waiting list was full. Save for one, who I was able to at least talk to, but she didn’t reach out to me in almost a year now.

          So basically, you need to have insane luck to get therapy. Hearing some people jump from therapist to therapist just like that sounds almost like an utopia.

          • lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org
            0·
            9 个月前

            Apparently, German men would die of having a mental breakdown when on a waitlist of seeing a therapist than actually getting therapy

    • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
      0·
      9 个月前

      Yeah.

      Turns out, a whole lot of therapists are actually fucking hacks, but they’re also really good at gaslighting.

    • Wander@sh.itjust.works
      0·
      9 个月前

      Not sure if it’s the case here but I seen a thread at some point where tonnes of men were staying they had a bad time with a female therapist and had a much better time after changing to a man.

      Maybe this is just one of those examples.

  • driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br
    0·
    9 个月前

    So OP, tell me what did you try? Did you go outside and meet people? Or maybe do you speak and try to arrange in person meetings with people you know online? Nothing? What you say “trying” what exactly that mean?

    • blarghly@lemmy.worldEnglish
      0·
      9 个月前

      I mean, as someone who used to be in a similar sort of position:

      • Consider going outside and asking random attractive strangers to have sex with me -> no, that would be weird and rude and unpleasant for them, and that would make me feel terrible.
      • Consider going outside and interacting with random attractive strangers in a friendly capacity, getting to know them a bit, then asking them to have sex with me -> no, I would be building the friendship under false pretenses. Revealing my desire to have sex with them would be a betrayal of their trust, and would make me feel terrible.
      • Go to a bar or club where people commonly congregate with the intention of finding novel sexual partners -> Everyone seems to already know everyone they are talking to. Also, I can barely hear myself think over how loud the music is. Also, I have a creeping feeling that someone is going to stab me, so I move towards the nearest wall and put my back against it, then look in every possible direction as quickly as possible so I can see the threat before it comes. I talk to no one.
      • Go to a bar or club, but drink so you’re less of an anxious wreck -> proceed to get plastered on the cheapest drinks the bar sells. Feeling that I’m going to be stabbed reduces, but this creates more space for my brain to notice that no one is talking to anyone they don’t know. Go home drunk and hating yourself for not figuring this out when everyone else has.
      • Hire a prostitute -> No.
      • Start online dating account -> get no matches. Max out swipes every day, still no matches.
      • Consider getting better pictures for online dating account -> this would be misleading and catfishing. Your pictures should be an authentic representation of who you are.

      I’m far past that stage in my life now. But the problem most of these guys have isn’t that they are unwilling to put in effort, so much as it is that they have it in their heads that all the forms of effort that would actually be effective are, in one way or another, morally wrong.

      • Mommy Longarms@sh.itjust.works
        0·
        9 个月前

        Most of that makes sense but

        • Consider getting better pictures for online dating account -> this would be misleading and catfishing. Your pictures should be an authentic representation of who you are.

        That’s silly. It’s completely normal to try and show your best self on dating sites. Unflattering pictures usually either come off as laziness, or like you’re just so ugly that those ARE flattering pictures. So long as you aren’t using edited pictures, or pictures of someone else that’s not catfishing.

        • blarghly@lemmy.worldEnglish
          0·
          9 个月前

          I mean, all of the above points are silly. The issue isn’t the actual percieved constraints - it is the belief that these constraints are real and/or insurmountable.

          For example, talking to a random attractive person in a public place because you are interested in them isn’t weird, rude, or unpleasant for them. Well, maybe it’s a bit weird these days, but as long as you are polite and genial about it, it’s the good kind of weird that makes you stand out from the crowd. Of course, you can make the whole interaction unpleasant, but former-me’s problem was that he assumed it would be, full stop.

          The fact is that the above list is a list of genuine problems and concerns. But these are problems to be solved, not absolute barriers to action.

      • deathbird@mander.xyz
        0·
        9 个月前

        I also noticed that a number of these guys would also only persue women who were on the high end of physical attractiveness (or with very particular features) but had nothing in common with them. By strictly limiting acceptable potential partners by upholding strict physical standards, by prioritizing “hot girls” over “nice girls” or even “interested girls” they missed a lot of human connections. Including fun sex.

        • blarghly@lemmy.worldEnglish
          0·
          9 个月前

          I’ll also admit to possibly falling into this category. But I’m not going to apologize for it. The fact is that no matter how nice or interesting a girl is, if I’m not physically attracted to her, then I don’t want to have sex with her.

          And if I went ahead and had sex with her anyway, the sex wouldn’t be fun because I would feel awkward and put off and gross for having sex with someone I’m not actually attracted to - which, through no fault of my partner’s, would then make it bad for her too. Trust me, I’ve tried.

          I’m not saying that this is how anyone else’s sexuality works. But it is how my sexuality works, and there’s nothing I can do about it, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

          I’ve heard there are some guys out there who refuse to date any woman who doesn’t look like a fashion model because they have some kind of sense of entitlement about it - this is not me. Those guys should drop their ego, and sleep with whichever women they find hot and enjoyable to be around. But my standards for attractiveness are not about ego - they are about what I find attractive. And once my standards of attractiveness aren’t met, then I am not attracted to a person… sorry.

          Not to say that women’s personalities are irrelivant, either. A woman I don’t find attractive for whatever reason can still be a wonderful friend. And if a woman is attractive and has a bad personality, at a certain point it becomes a dealbreaker even for a drunken hookup. And if a woman is attractive and has a good personality, fantastic! I hope she wants to keep hanging out and I hope I can make her cum lots and lots of times on many occasions!

          But the reality is, if you have a disposition like mine, you are definitely playing a harder game than a lot of other people. The 'tism + high sex drive + nonmonogamous + straight as an arrow + physical attractiveness motivated combo really just leads to one conclusion - you gotta be hot so the babes will wanna suck your dick, bro!

          So I just put the effort into being attractive, and it works out alright.

          • deathbird@mander.xyz
            0·
            9 个月前

            The bad stuff comes with holding unreasonable expectations and hurting others or oneself to persue them. That doesn’t sound like what you’re doing.

      • GhostedIC@sh.itjust.works
        0·
        9 个月前

        Well, the term got created by people who were using it to describe themselves as if it were a disability and they needed some kind of special treatment to solve their “problem”. Naturally this also had an overlap with the then-trending “Pick-Up Artist” community right from the start. Or incel forums which were an insane crab bucket of woman-hating basement dwellers. I don’t even mean like just rude to women, I mean hate and fear.

        Needless to say being associated with this group in any way was embarrassing and it quickly became the butt of jokes. It quickly became an insult, though I don’t think it’s exactly fair to apply to people who just are virgins rather than self - described incels who are a member of that community.

        • glimse@lemmy.world
          0·
          9 个月前

          You might want to check your sources. Most people associate it with 4chan and the like but the term was coined in the 90s by a woman who started a support group for people who had trouble connecting with others, herself included.

          But what happened, predictably, is that people who were helped by the group left. No reason to go to incel meetings if you’ve found love. The people who never found a part er grew bitter and poisoned the whole thing.

          • GhostedIC@sh.itjust.works
            0·
            9 个月前

            I didn’t know it went that far back. I first heard about it around 2009, and it wasnt strictly associated with 4chan but it seemed for all the world like a new trend at the time.

        • psivchaz@reddthat.com
          0·
          9 个月前

          This is like 1/3 the reason I think we should legalize sex work. There’s some percentage of people who might have sex finally, and realize “Yes that’s fun but maybe I shouldn’t shape my whole life around it” and go on to form hobbies and interests that will make them more successful in life and in love.

  • MNByChoice@midwest.social
    0·
    9 个月前

    OP needs a new therapist using a different therapy style. Keep trying folks. (I have my favorites, but so does everyone.)

  • anubis2814@lemmy.today
    0·
    9 个月前

    Nothing makes someone feel safe and heard like a therapist completely unable to comprehend that something considered socially embarrassing is possible. If you have a friend like this, heathygamergg on YouTube is making some amazing dating videos and thinks helping someone date is something simple every therapist should be able to do. Maybe not quickly but as he put it, a 5 year goal so you aren’t as desperate

    • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
      0·
      9 个月前

      You also have to take into account that is a very high possibility that what this guy is doing is being creepy and a “nice guy”, and whether intentionally or not is pushing anybody who might be potentially interested in him away.

      I’ve seen it with one of my idiot friends. He’s perfectly nice normal person and you can have sensible conversations with them but whenever it comes to hitting on girls he goes all pick up artist on them. Of course if there’s one group of people who can’t hit on girls it’s people who watch pickup videos on YouTube.

  • rekabis@lemmy.ca
    0·
    9 个月前

    she

    There’s the problem, right there. Women marinate in so much attention they just cannot understand how men can want relationships and sex, yet not be able to get it. Their brains melt down when you demonstrate how fundamentally and radically different the male experience is.

    Men: if you want true understanding, you have a much better chance of achieving that with a male therapist.

    • deathbird@mander.xyz
      0·
      9 个月前

      I think the most women are smart enough to understand the differences between how men and women experience and express sexual desire, but maybe it sometimes grad school beats it out of people.

      Like it’s truly bizarre that her first response was “Oh you’re asexual”, just immediately slapping an identity label on the experience rather than asking a simple probing question in the vein of “Why?”

      (Of course all green texts are fake and gay etc)

      • rekabis@lemmy.ca
        0·
        9 个月前

        I think the most women are smart enough to understand the differences between how men and women experience and express sexual desire, but maybe it sometimes grad school beats it out of people.

        You are so far out in left field it isn’t even funny.

        • deathbird@mander.xyz
          0·
          9 个月前

          It’s just not the kind of response I’ve heard from women who aren’t super libed out, much less therapists, but I suspect there is trend away from listening and understanding and towards quick diagnosis and categorization in therapy.

      • rekabis@lemmy.ca
        0·
        9 个月前

        Those aren’t the facts I go after. You should examine the stats that come out of things like dating apps and papers published by actual sociologists examining intergender relationships. It’s absolutely wild how those real-world facts run completely counter to what most women say.

          • rekabis@lemmy.ca
            0·
            9 个月前

            Could you show me some of those facts?

            On mobile, no direct access to sources. But:

            Compare the average man with the average woman. In general,

            • the man will swipe right about 100 times before he can arrange a single coffee date.
            • out of five coffee dates, four will ghost him or otherwise fail to show up, leading to one successful date per thousand attempts.
            • the average woman who asks can get the same buy-in by men for every ≈5 swipes right
            • she will see only one ghosting or otherwise failing to follow through for every ≈25 such coffee dates.
            • just managing to leverage a date is a 20:1 advantage in the woman’s favour.
            • actually going on a date and not getting ghosted is about a 100:1 advantage in the woman’s favour.

            .

            • when men were presented with a scenario where a woman met 80% of his desired attributes, about ¾ said they would gladly entertain a relationship with her.
            • when a woman was presented with the flip proposition, where a man met 80% of her desired attributes, a similar ¾ of them said the exact opposite… that they would absolutely refuse to entertain a relationship with such a man due to his glaring inadequacies.

            .

            • when gauging women, men invariably graded them on an almost perfect bell curve, with half being above average in physical attractiveness, and half below.
            • when gauging men, women skewed the bell curve severely towards the bottom end, with slightly over 80% of men being “below average attractiveness”.
            • men’s bell curve of women shifted objectively based on how attractive the cohort of women were. A more beautiful group was shifted higher, no different than if they were just a part of a larger group.
            • women rated a more attractive group of men equally as harshly as a more random group, with 80% of them still being “below average attractiveness” regardless of how highly attractive they might be among the general population.

            .

            • individual exceptions exist, but in general women are still very loathe to marry a man that makes less than they do, or has a less socially prestigious job than she does. Women who make more than $100k almost never marry men who make less than they do, even when that difference is almost negligible.
            • when the woman makes $100k, the average husband’s wage is about $220k
            • In fact, early retirement by the man (and sometimes, even just retirement at the appropriate age) precipitates 100% of all retirement-triggered divorces… which are invariably woman-initiated.

            Now, nothing is technically bad about any of this. It’s how evolution has shaped each sex to optimize their own sexual success.

            Where things get ugly is when one side uses their own experience to whitewash the other side to either ignore issues, remain ignorant of those issues, or deny they even exist.

      • rekabis@lemmy.ca
        0·
        9 个月前

        bro seek help

        For what? Being obsessed with reality? Putting evidence above ideology?

        Sorry, no. I know how things are like out there, I’ve seen the data.

        • mojofrododojo@lemmy.worldEnglish
          0·
          9 个月前

          Sorry, no. I know how things are like out there, I’ve seen the data.

          bwahaha… never thought to go out and experience life, no, you’re convinced you have it all figured out.

          you’ve seen the data? the data?

          GO OUT AND MEET PEOPLE AND FORM RELATIONSHIPS YOU FUCKING TWATS, THERE ARE NO SHORT CUTS

          • rekabis@lemmy.ca
            0·
            9 个月前

            GO OUT AND MEET PEOPLE AND FORM RELATIONSHIPS

            Inapplicable: already married for the last 20 years, together for 30 years.

            I’m taken, not blind or ignorant. I have eyes to see what is happening out there, how much things have changed in the last three decades, how the relationships of others progress under modern conditions of Internet-unfettered hypergamy, and a functional mind with which to examine and critically analyze recorded statistics.

              • CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works
                0·
                9 个月前

                I can’t speak for rekabis but my wife has agreed with everything rekabis said, as some of her own friends and many coworkers are exactly like this.

                As for my own experience: back when Facebook was still “the Facebook”, I was in a Human Sexuality class in college. The prof split up the men and women and then had each side list what they want in a partner to illustrate that men and women have different values, and I was utterly disgusted by both sides.

                Men: I want a woman with little sexual experience who will be obedient and faithful (translated: doting kissless virgin who will suck me off whenever I want, and never talk to other men)

                Women: I want an independent man who can take me places, help me get what I need, and who listens (translated: a man who lives on his own, owns a car, will buy me things, and who will not challenge my braindead assumptions about life as a man)

                I was listening to both sides construct their ideal person and then realize they couldn’t say what they actually wanted to say, so they reworded it, hence the translations. That’s the day I decided I would go find an intelligent woman who actually wants to touch grass and start a family. ~15 years later I have never been more glad I made that call because it does not appear that things improved at all.

                • mojofrododojo@lemmy.worldEnglish
                  0·
                  9 个月前

                  I think we like to categorize people and put them into certain descriptions because it satisfies our desire to quantify the world and in NO REAL WAY actually reflects what’s happening out there.

                  But I’m glad you seem happy.

      • rekabis@lemmy.ca
        0·
        9 个月前

        Yeah, as usual she’s the problem. lmao

        The therapist, who is utterly unwilling to consider that a man’s reality is wildly different from her own experiences?

        Yes, absolutely.

  • Soapbox@lemmy.zip
    0·
    9 个月前

    I would have assumed they were religious before asexual. I’ve known many people who were virgins until they married in their late 20s or early 30s.