I’m a 27 year old single mom with a 12 year old son (Yes I was 15 when I had him) and I got out of a physically/sexually abusive relationship with my son’s biological father a few years ago. I haven’t had any serious relationships since then, but recently I’ve been feeling kind of lonely and exhausted since I work two jobs and take care of my son. I was planning on getting back into dating, so I was wondering if I could get a man’s perspective on how to navigate dating as a single mom since most men aren’t willing to take on my “baggage” (Hate this term). I’ve been hit on quite a few times by men my age in public places when i’m alone on the street or at the gym, but when I tell them I have a kid they seem to be immediately disinterested. (Not necessarily blaming them)

I’m looking for a long term partner who is obviously very willing to take on the task of being a father. Outside of great personal qualities, I’d like someone who can help me financially just enough so I can quit one of my jobs and provide a great life for my son. Sexual compatibility would be a bonus as well lol. I definitely want to make sure they are the one before I bring them home to my son, and I also want to make sure my son is comfortable around them as well. Dunno if I’m asking for too much? I would love some advice from a man’s perspective because it feels like there’s so much to consider. How early do I tell someone about my kid? If they are fine with a kid, are they willing to support me somewhat financially? What if my son doesn’t like them? It feels like I’m asking for so much out of a man that’s already impossible to find.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

  • hitmyspot@aussie.zoneEnglish
    0·
    19 hours ago

    I wish you the best with dating and you sound quite mature from this and other posts.

    As others have mentioned, you might find it tricky to find someone your own age that is ready to voluntarily take on parental responsibilities. However, I’d also warn to be cautious of older men, as some have suggested, as you may find that leads to a power imbalance, especially if financial support is one of the things you’re looking for.

    You’ve mentioned what you’re looking for. I think it’s worth reflecting on what you’re offering for the relationship too. I’m sure you’re a lovely person with lots to offer on a.personal and emotional level, but a lot of the post talks about what you’re looking to, as benefits for you, rather than what you could both gain.

    I say this more in the way of again, being concerned that if you seek to gain these things from the relationship, or you see the relationship as something for you to personally gain from, then you’ll find someone who also is looking for things in the relationship, beyond the relationship itself. If you’ve already been in an abusive relationship, I’d worry that it reoccurs.

    Instead of looking at what they can offer financially and looking at long term goals, of be looking at compatibility, friendship and respect as being the goals. If the relationship is to succeed and lead to financial interdependence and child rearing, it needs to start on solid ground.

    I don’t think, like others that it needs to be something you raise before a date, but it’s certainly something you would need to raise before getting intimate emotionally, sexually or otherwise. That’s likely to lead to more wasted dates, but if youre leading with lots of reasons not to date, from the other partners perspective, it will be less likely to make that first step. That is not to say you should be disingenuous. If it comes up naturally, or you’re asked, you should be honest.