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What’s the use of being god if every run-down schmuck with a two dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up your plan?
- George Carlin
Here in Florida, a group of four southern women on a girls weekend were huddling under a beach hut during a thunderstorm, and got hit by lightning. All were knocked out, but otherwise only mildly injured. After, one of them was interviewed, and thanked God for saving them.
Thanked God? Honey, getting hit by lightning is God’s preferred method of smiting those he dislikes. He tried to KILL YOU, why are you thanking him?
These ladies need to do some serious self-reflection in order to determine what they are doing to anger God so much. I suspect voting MAGA is part of it.
The all-knowing, all-powerful god who created the entire universe has decided to hold back rain in your state. But maybe if you beg him hard enough and skip lunch he’ll change his mind.
This is what these half-wits actually believe.
He’ll alter “his plan” because you asked him to.
I am Native American so I will perform a rain dance unless I get deported.
We won’t get deported… We just will need a visa to leave the reservations…
Reservations? You mean that thing rich people have their assistants make for restaurants?
Once the lands get sold to corporations for mining/drilling/whatever, they’ll decide you were always native to a south American country.
You will have nothing and they will expect thanks.
That’s less than nothing, and the thanks expected will be conversely proportionate, per yoozj. 🙇🏼♂️
As nonsensical as that sentence sounds, it’s pretty much the only thing this country has done consistently for over 250 years.
I’ll share this post to raise awareness, and send my thoughts and prayers. I’ve done my part. Should be fixed now.
I would send mine, but I’m afraid it would cause flooding.
Honestly, if they’re still whining about their dryness at this point, with all the thoughts and prayers we’ve sent, it’s just greedy.
I skipped breakfast. I guess they should get at least a brief shower.
Is it fasting if it’s involuntary? I haven’t eaten breakfast or lunch and it’s partly because I wasn’t hungry and partly because I had to go to the store to have enough food to make something.
Either way, that’s 2 meals skipped from me, I assume Utah is underwater now?
A little old fashioned shamanism should do it.
Hey mormons: pray to that shiester that conned a bunch of people who pretended that a messianic jew from two-thousand years ago actually lived halfway around the world from Jerusalem. You’re perfectly rational and your prayers can bring rain. /s
I know that my comment is stretching the headline. They aren’t praying to Joseph Smith. I don’t care. Leave me alone. Mormons are fucking stupid. Religious people are fucking stupid.
If that doesn’t work, I hear ritual sacrifice is pretty effective.
Pro tipp: the richer the sacrificed person, the higher the chances for rain.
It’ll work, you just have to make sure you don’t eat anything until after it rains again
Yeah bet 100 nucks he isn’t missing any meals.
What is that, like $1.00CA?
Our Exxon, who art in Texas…
Nah, he’s already in Cancun for the season
My bad. I misread that, and thought you were talking about that greasy fuckstain.
Praying wasn’t working, but praying AND fasting might!
