When I was still young (and buff), I had a very inappropriate encounter with two drunken women on the subway, I don’t want to get into too much detail, but there was a lot of sexual harassment.
Another time, a female doctor touched me very inappropriately, caressing my pecs and letting her hand slide down my bare chest down to my stomach, pinching my biceps, all while commenting how she liked that I was toned and “not a beanstalk”. She was about 20 years older than me.
Now, on both occasions, I never felt in danger. I was subconsciously aware of the difference in physical strength between me and those women and never felt threatened. In fact, I was pretty much flabbergasted in both situations and only realized later that I connected these events with an “unpleasant sensation” of abuse. I can’t describe it any better - it was like a thought popping into my head later that evening, akin to “Hey, I think that doctor molested me, how are you going to handle that”.
While none of these events were even remotely close to what it must feel like to experience actual rape, I still want to speak out against the misconception that men can’t experience sexual violence and harassment, and in particular against the insanity that asks men to open up about their feelings, while at the same time assuming they’re emotionless husks that can’t be affected by such events and should just “man up”, let alone the idea that men are incapable of even feeling anything in those situations and are faking it in order to achieve ulterior motives.
Yeah when I was in high school I worked at a grocery store that made the baggers take the groceries out to the customers cars. More than half of the time if it was an older woman (50+), they’d say something inappropriate, and I was 15-16 at the time. This was 25 years ago, but one lady offered to sell me her ex husbands show quality 70s Chevy truck for $1500 if I would come over to “hang out”. I just told her I didn’t have $1500 and quickly went back inside.
Edit: and then I remembered the time when I was 24 ish? I was at a bar for a big citywide event, and a 40+ woman “credit carded” me. She shoved her flat hand between my ass cheeks and slid it up. I turned around and almost puked on her.
SA messes with your psyche, no matter what form it takes. While I’m not telling you how to feel about your own experiences, you also do not need to downplay that, period. It’s valid.
While attackers in taller/stronger/etc. bodies may have more of a physical danger element, SA and other forms of harassment and abuse is primarily psychological and power based. It’s also common to not realize until after the fact, for anybody.
You were outnumbered on the subway, and a doctor is in a position of authority. Both took advantage of that.
Brendan Fraser is a prominent example of a man who faced SA and harassment, and he’s brave af to have shared that. It absolutely happens and needs to be spoken out about, but yes unfortunately we live in a culture where talking about these abuses is downplayed and dismissed.
You being open with your stance definitely helps pave the way for others to feel safe, as well. MeToo is for everyone.
When I was still young (and buff), I had a very inappropriate encounter with two drunken women on the subway, I don’t want to get into too much detail, but there was a lot of sexual harassment.
Another time, a female doctor touched me very inappropriately, caressing my pecs and letting her hand slide down my bare chest down to my stomach, pinching my biceps, all while commenting how she liked that I was toned and “not a beanstalk”. She was about 20 years older than me.
Now, on both occasions, I never felt in danger. I was subconsciously aware of the difference in physical strength between me and those women and never felt threatened. In fact, I was pretty much flabbergasted in both situations and only realized later that I connected these events with an “unpleasant sensation” of abuse. I can’t describe it any better - it was like a thought popping into my head later that evening, akin to “Hey, I think that doctor molested me, how are you going to handle that”.
While none of these events were even remotely close to what it must feel like to experience actual rape, I still want to speak out against the misconception that men can’t experience sexual violence and harassment, and in particular against the insanity that asks men to open up about their feelings, while at the same time assuming they’re emotionless husks that can’t be affected by such events and should just “man up”, let alone the idea that men are incapable of even feeling anything in those situations and are faking it in order to achieve ulterior motives.
Fuck that noise.
Yeah when I was in high school I worked at a grocery store that made the baggers take the groceries out to the customers cars. More than half of the time if it was an older woman (50+), they’d say something inappropriate, and I was 15-16 at the time. This was 25 years ago, but one lady offered to sell me her ex husbands show quality 70s Chevy truck for $1500 if I would come over to “hang out”. I just told her I didn’t have $1500 and quickly went back inside.
Edit: and then I remembered the time when I was 24 ish? I was at a bar for a big citywide event, and a 40+ woman “credit carded” me. She shoved her flat hand between my ass cheeks and slid it up. I turned around and almost puked on her.
SA messes with your psyche, no matter what form it takes. While I’m not telling you how to feel about your own experiences, you also do not need to downplay that, period. It’s valid.
While attackers in taller/stronger/etc. bodies may have more of a physical danger element, SA and other forms of harassment and abuse is primarily psychological and power based. It’s also common to not realize until after the fact, for anybody.
You were outnumbered on the subway, and a doctor is in a position of authority. Both took advantage of that.
Brendan Fraser is a prominent example of a man who faced SA and harassment, and he’s brave af to have shared that. It absolutely happens and needs to be spoken out about, but yes unfortunately we live in a culture where talking about these abuses is downplayed and dismissed.
You being open with your stance definitely helps pave the way for others to feel safe, as well. MeToo is for everyone.