Is that Minecraft server still online?
Oh lol. I didnt even see that when i googled for the steroid horse
Unarmed, I think I could comfortably defeat almost any four legged creature that stands lower than my knee.
I want to see you fight a crocodile.
I was very clear when I said almost
Ffff… scrblmlmlblm chewing noises
Just the one hour?
I mean, just to cover the invertebrates part of the list would be several hours.
Animals I have beaten in a fight:
Feral dogs.
Feral dogs likely mixed with eastern coyote. I cheated though, I shot them.
Animals that have beaten me in a fight:
Geese.
A catfish (in my defense, it was massive and the fight was in the water. On land I would have won)
Humans.
Animals I have run from rather than fight:
Hornets.
Bears. Black bear, we startled each other, then I left a trickle down my leg while I ran.
A big pack of dogs. Wasn’t armed, and saw them coming.
My record is not exactly impressive
I mean, fending off a single feral dog without a firearm would be fairly impressive imo…
But you lost to a goose? Geese?
They’re all bark and just a bit of bite. Either get a decent stick, or just accept the pain and then grab them by their stupid fucking necks, now bludgeon the others with your feathery flail.
… Running from a bear, and a pack of dogs, on the other hand, I mean thats understandable, choosing to pick a fight with either would be suicidal for … basically most people.
Ideally, if a Black Bear has already noticed you, you should intimidate by making yourself appear larger with an exaggerated stance and billowing your coat and what not… shout at it if it approaches… all while evacuating in a controlled manner… you don’t run away in a panic because that might actually incite it to give chase when it other wise would not have.
But yeah a pack of rabid dogs will absolutely fucking kill an average person, even if said person has a gun or decent melee weapon, nothing to be ashamed of for noping the fuck out of those encounters.
A huge catfish is also quite strong, and other humans have been known to be competent fighters, lol, again, nothing really to be ashamed of their imo.
You know, people underestimate how difficult it is to grab a goose that’s flapping and pecking at your head
You can’t keep your eyes open, unless you just enjoy having them poked by feathers or beaks. That isn’t about pain, it’s about the reality of eye injury being a very bad thing.
There’s tricks we used in jujutsu that make use of that reflex. You make fast movements towards the eyes, particularly if you can get close enough to make air hit the eyes from the movement, and the eyes are closing, period. You can be ready for it, watching it come, and you’ll still at least blink. It isn’t voluntary.
Sure, you could stand there with your eyes closed, waiting for a chance to grab the bird that’s battering you. It isn’t going to kill you, it can’t unless it gets really lucky and catches your carotid just right. But, while you’re groping for that neck, you’re getting your face bruised and scratched up. Punching or slapping doesn’t do anything because they just move with it.
So, it’s easier to give the bird what it wants: you away from its nest.
… Wear decent eye pro, face pro?
A paintball mask would probably be strong enough to work, to say nothing of a motorcycle helmet… many other options.
Or dedicate one of your arms to be defending your head at all times.
Yep, they’re fast.
They are not faster than some human martial artists I’ve fought in kumite though.
But imo, a decently trained martial artist (probably not an average person) should be able to time basically a jab when it telegraphs its… head/neck jab, and just grab it.
Alternatively, if it rears up into some kind of flapping, intimidation stance… depending on how dedicated it is to that, a decently trained martial artist may be close enough, and fast enough, to just bum rush tackle the thing, just be good at blocking your face while doing so.
Also, in a hypothetical forced combat scenario… a reasonably healthy human can probably just entirely tank the hits and run out the goose’s stamina… admitedly, assuming you can keep it from going to water, or the air, somehow, lol.
… But like obviously yes, don’t run around murdering geese, thats stupid, I’m just trying to game out a hypothetical forced combat situation here.
Also, in my experience, and where geese are, there are likely to also be some kind of nearby trees you could just break off a branch from, or grab a dead one on the ground, and smack the geese with it.
But this is all rather silly as you have to concoct a much more constrained and well defined scenario before you can more realistically evaluate it.
Dude, do you think I’m just driving around looking to fight geese? Why the hell would I be wearing gear like that to go fishing?
Also, you’re talking hypotheticals. I’m talking about geese I’ve actually dealt with. I’m telling you, when a goose is up in your grill, flapping, kicking, and pecking, you aren’t going to be landing precision punches. Your eyes will either be closed, or they’ll be damaged to some degree, and if you do land a strike of some kind, it’s a well feathered bird that’s in the air.
You don’t punch something like that and hurt it at all. What happens is you move it a little because it’s got very flexible bones and joints. Now it’s more scared and angry.
What works is taking a full arm swipe to knock it away, then leaving.
Ffs dude, I know this is a casual conversation here, but how many geese have you ever been attacked by?
I mean, I as well have been harassed in person by geese, and am not just entirely pulling what I am saying out of my ass, but you don’t seem to either fundamentally agree with the feasibility of grabbing a goose, blocking attacks from a goose, or you don’t want to entertain the hypotheticals.
You just assert a goose up in your face will cause you to close your eyes and panic… I dispute this.
You say you’e done jujutsu, I’ve fought a lot of people in katate kumite bouts… who have made use of similar attacks against the face, or just feints and misdirects, to take advantage of your reflex to close your eyese and wince… I’ve done this against other people as well… you learn to suppress that instinct to flinch, you learn when to duck and dodge and block, and alway, always, keep your eyes on your opponent.
Also, I brought up masks because, beyond being a very plausible counter to the goose’s technique here, a good deal of katate training and tournament level karate kumite just actually involves full face masks for both combatants, as a safety measure.
…Maybe a whole gander, a pack would overwhelm you, but not a single one, no.
I also never said punching a goose would be an optimal strategy. I said grabbing one by the neck, not actually punching one, with the speed of a tight, light punch, a jab, could work.
You could also just kick them.
I genuienly don’t know what you mean by a… full arm swipe?
You mean a haymaker?
I have never heard any martial artist (you said you’d done jujutsu) refer to any kind of formally taught attack with your arm and hand as a ‘swipe’…
I’ve usually heard the term ‘swipe’ used dismissively or derisively to refer to a sloppy, poor form, unpracticed attack intended to damage via scratching with your nails… which would be silly against a feathered opponent, the feathers would utterly negate this.
I’ve attempted to look up ‘full arm swipe’ and:
Do you mean just almost but not quite locking the elblow and using basically a straight arm as in blocking in basketball?
Do you mean the breakdancing manuever called a swipe?
I left a trickle down my leg while I ran.
Wow, sexy bear, huh?
Awww yeeeeahhhh!
A goose? I was going to say it was one of the animals I could beat in a fight considering how fragile birds are in general.
Yeah, seriously. When I was a preteen my mother loved to go feed bread to ducks at the lake (I know, but it was free). More than once I had a goose think it was hot shit and hiss at me, and they, like people, never have a plan for when they get popped in the beak.
I hated doing it, but I wasn’t about to be chased off by an uncooked holiday dinner.
I have about the same. Ran from a snapping turtle in the cumberland river near nashville. Was fishing. Saw what amounts to a dinosaur floating by and … noped the heck out of there.
Oh, no way am I going near a snapper in the water. hell no
Now, on land, I’ve had to move some off of roads before, but on land they aren’t as agile. They’re fast in the water though
for sure! ha. those TN rivers are totally unknown to yankees from new england like me too.
I mean it’s better than something truly shit like “I once accidentally stepped on a hamster”.
It was no accident.
There’s no way a single dude is dropping a horse with their bare hands.
How many dudes do you think it would take?
I say it takes at least 5 average humans to put a horse in the ground without weapons. And if the horse is also fighting to the death you’re losing a couple people for sure.
Source: my entire ass
Ill need a pic of the source for reference.
Source: my entire ass
OP is talking about horses, not donkeys. Also, I hope your donkey wasn’t harmed in the process of getting this information.
I agree with your ass
All you have to do is snap its neck, just jump on it and hang from it.
I don’t think jumping on it while it’s fighting you will be easy at all, unless you’re jumping down from a structure at the right time and have balls of steel
Just wait it out. Domestic horses are good at dropping themselves.
I could take a sloth. Probably.
I’m betting on the sloth.
Those dudes got claws and natural armor. Like, armor made of nature.
Kick it once in the head and it’s gone before it knows what hit it. They really are slow
Let’s say it was reasonable to 1v1 a horse.
I wanna know what a lone horse does to prepare for a fight, that turns the tables from winning to losing…
Eats, shits, pisses, and complains.
No clue how that helps it win, but thats about all a horse is gonna do with an hour of solo prep time, lol.
You can sneak up on a horse or suckerpunch it. If it gets prep time it knows it has to fight immediately and you are fucked
If it gets prep time it knows it has to fight immediately
How? It’s a horse. It’s not like you can coach a horse…
‘you see that guy over there, he’s gonna come throw hands in 45min. You better be ready horse’
That horse won’t know/understand it’s fighting until the human takes the first swing; unless they run at the horse screaming like a maniac…
You’ve never spent time around horses
We had this question in a board game where the other people have to guess what animal I would pick. I opted for a herbivore - goat or sheep or something. I can only remember one other answer and that was my 7 year old son who quite brilliantly thought I could take a sperm whale.
Maybe on land.
Herbivores can be more dangerous than carnivores because when they fight or flight it is for their lives and carnivores don’t want to be injured while killing.
A panicked deer will destroy you if it happens to flee into you. Not because it is trying to harm you, but because it weighs a lot and is flailing around like a madman. A goat would do some damage, especially if it gets a chance to head butt you and decides to follow up.
Do. Not. Fuck. With. A. Moose.
Def not a squirrel, those are too fast. Maybe a smallish-medium fish and prob a goat
I won’t lie about your odds, but you have my sympathies:
https://richardbradbury.com/wp-content/gallery/guinness/Final-Goat_-221b.jpg
I’m going with a couple ants.
Bullet ants?
That sounds a little too dangerous for me
A single rear leg kick from a horse can easily break your skull apart, snap your neck or spine, cave in your entire chest, snap your femur, shatter your hip.
One good connecting hit and basically 99% of people are dead, paralyzed for life, or at best, extremely seriously injured and needing immediate hospitalization.
An unarmed human is not going to win an aggro’d fight with a horse in some kind of cage match scenario, unless its very young, very old, or quite sick or already injured.
Horses can be very dumb though: In a more real world scenario, you may be able to spook them into breaking their own legs on uneven ground, or even just running off of a goddamned cliff or into a tree or some other obstacle.
Alternatively: Spend the hour of prep time getting horse feed and poison.
Don’t fight it, befriend it, and then betray that trust.
An unarmed human is not going to win an aggro’d fight with a horse
Do I get prep time?
After review by the panel of judges, their response is:
‘Neigh!’
The horse says DOCTORATE DENIED.
unfortunately for the horse, i’m in the 1%
Are you by any chance a centaur, perhaps an andalite?
Nowhere in the rules says it has to be a fair fight. What if I just shoot the horse from outside of its pen?
I mean sure, just learn some trigonometry, grab a map, and a mortar, and kablamo rofl, toss in a grenade, jerry rig an ied drone, rofl.
I want to trash-talk her for wasting time in a way that involves wasting another human’s time, but its a bigger problem that so many people are lonely and afraid of wasting the time of others. Get out there and troll IRL, people!!
What’s a horse going to do with prep time? Grow opposable thumbs and learn how to use tools?
Run? You can’t beat the horse if you can’t catch up to it.
Cut to the horse doing a Rocky IV training montage
I can wrestle a modestly sized gator on land. I know I can catch certain nonvenomous snakes. Catching turtles and tortoises is pretty trivial, aside from snapping types.
Size really does count for a lot. So does a creature’s inability to bend enough to bite you if you grab it a certain way. Finally, how willing are you to deal with some pain? Because you’re probably gonna bleed.
Looking at the comments… Ash was totally right.
