I’ll go first…after 10 years of speculating in the market (read: gambling in high risk assets) I realized I shouldn’t ever touch a brokerage account in my lifetime. A monkey would have made better choices than I did. Greed has altered the course of life many times over. I am at an age where I may recover from my actions over the decades, but it has taken its toll. I am frugal and have a good head on me, but having such impulsivity in financial instruments was not how I envisioned my adulthood. Its a bitter pill to swallow, since money is livelihood of my family, but I need to “invest” all I have into relationships, meaningful moments, and fulfilling hobbies.
Just because I’ve been in relationships for years doesn’t mean I’m any good at them 😬
Preach! I’m a fairly terrible boyfriend, and I have no idea why girls continue to give me a chance. And that just reinforces my bad behaviour.
I feel like OP just wanted to brag that they’re rich enough to have access to brokerage accounts.
Anyone can open an account. I did not type this to brag. I wanted to hear what other people have realized about themselves. I don’t own a home/have a mortgage and my cars are beaters. If only I put the money to use in a way that meant something to myself and the people I loved instead of making poor decisions, I might actually be better off in life now.
If you have the discipline to only toss in a hundred and then use that to play around with or contribute 20$ a month from your job then you can do that stuff. But it’s not easy if you’re someone that always goes all in.
Pretty cool thing to learnabout yourself and your own bias i think.
I dissociate and fawn pretty much constantly in most social situations. I do not feel in control. What most people know me as is a bunch of trauma responses. I feel like I’m watching myself have conversations and making “decisions” from another room.
It took me a long time to admit this to myself.
Do you manage to better “stand your ground” now that you’re aware of the fawning ?
Only really just started to notice I’m doing it constantly. Not much luck or strategy so far
Well that’s certainly a good first step. I’d like to encourage you to consider yourself first, and every feeling you have as valid. YMMV but this is what helps me counter the otherwise instinctive fawning.
holy shit, u put it better than i could, this is exactly what i have been grappling with lately and i have no idea how to fix it
If I understand correctly, fawning is people pleasing to an excess because you’re afraid of the potential response. I’ve had trouble saying “no” for a long ass time, and have been bending over backwards to accomodate other people, at my expense, completely disregarding my own comfort and preferences. I think that’s part of the same mechanic. I slowly realized other people mostly place their own needs first, and somehow find themselves legitimate when asking the other party to “meet them halfway”. So I’ve been trying to emulate this. Does this ring a bell to you ?
I have this too, I have some friends that I can be myself with and some other people that my trauma response just kicks in and I become non confrontational people pleaser. Im starting to notice it more and trying to not do it.
Pardon my language, though I heard this in an interview with Jimmy Carr, and it rather highlights this for me quite well:
I’m paraphrasing, though it was something like “if you’ve seen five cunts before noon, you’re the cunt”.My sapphic brain wasn’t tuned to understand that quote properly at first. Instead of seeing an insult, I thought, “Wow, that sounds like a busy, but amazing, morning.”
This connect deserves a ⭐, just because 😊
Intelligence and depression go hand-in-hand. Thank God for drugs.
My brother is so smart he can rationalize his way out of seeking help for his chronic depression. I once told him about a FREE depression meds trial and he said “I don’t want to be artificially happy.” I responded “So you’d rather be naturally miserable?”
The human race is a constant disappointment
That I actually do have a bad temper and do get angry very easily, that my anger does not justify my verbal/physical reactions (nor was I ‘right’ just because I was angry) and that these reactions will hurt those I care about/those I don’t care about but still didn’t deserve my violence, which is a surefire way to end up in jail (perhaps) and in Hell (more likely).
For everyone who has similar issues, try to remember two things:
- Ambiguous behaviour does not mean aggressive behaviour.
- The flesh is weak. If you, in your anger, start a fight and perhaps just push someone and they crack their head and die/lose function, you’ll never live it down, you will always be the guy who killed someone in anger (and not even righteous anger, you’re just temperamental). And it can happen very quickly too! A good man cannot live with that, only a hell-bound one can, so either you’ll be oppressed by your guilt or you’ll realize you’ve lost your humanity and you’re a full on psycho.
If you’re gonna break the law, be smart about it. In the time it takes you to do it the right way, you probably will have these feelings pass. If not… get that shitter.
I needed to read this
Alcohol isn’t everyone’s friend, I was an alcoholic at 18, and refused to acknowlege that fact and kept denying it in the face of all the evidence. When I finally asked for help and quit drinking at 45, I realised how much of a mess I’d made of my life. Thankfully I’ve been sober since (going on 7 years now). Addiction is not a joke people.
Same, although I’m shy about the alcoholic label. But the fact is I was sadder and less motivated, even when I managed to drink “moderately,” and I feel better in every conceivable way since I stopped. I feel like I can trust myself to handle things straight-on now.
Honestly I understand what you mean, for me it was the opposite, my family and close friends had been telling me about my abuse for decades. So when I finally admitted I owned the word Alcoholic. I’m a happily recovering one. Good on you for managing!
Good for you, brother! Stay strong. I’ve stayed drug-free/alcohol free my entire life, but only because I’ve watched loved ones go thru addiction, so I realize how tough it is. The fact that you got out of it after so long, is a major accomplishment. Good on ya, mate.
Addiction is not a joke people.
This is why I hate to see how casual Lemmy is about drugs and alcohol. Some actually brag about posing while high or drunk–and then get a shitton of upvotes for it. They don’t realize how quick it happens. and how addiction doesn’t care who you are. It can happen to anyone.
Thank you brother 🙏
My ADD is far worse than I thought and I should have noticed that decades ago.
What symptoms have you noticed? I’m trying to figure out my own behaviour and would be really interested in your experience
Any doctor, nurse practitioner, etc. should be able to give you a screening test - in my case it was a 20-question form that said at the bottom if you answered Yes to more than 2 questions you might have some form of ADHD. I answered Yes to all but two lol.
Any doctor, nurse practitioner, etc. should be able to give you a screening test
I’ll be sure to have my butler schedule some luxurious healthcare for me.
I took LTO-3 food supplements against ADHD. ADD is thought to be the same mental disorder but with different symptoms, so it worked on me as well, except temporarily, only for teo weeks. Perhaps due to my type of autism of which the types of autism really haven’t been distinguished yet.
So if you take LTO-3 and you notice vast differences in your own behavior, then you have ADD/ADHD.
Here’s what I noticed:
- Vastly less trouble following group conversations.
- No looking down automatically when walking.
- No more lazy body swaying due to low energy.
- Much easier switching to a new task
- Much easier starting a new task
- Less ‘mind weight’ making it…
- Easier to talk
- Easier to pay attention at board games
- Having energy left after 8 hours of work instead of crashing down.
ADD is thought to be the same mental disorder but with different symptoms
Is this true? I thought they did away with the “ADD” label altogether, and it’s all just under the “ADHD” umbrella.
Part of the reason why I was convinced for decades that I didn’t have it was because I lacked the “H”
Anxiety and taking care of others before I take care of myself.
The biggest pill was that I am not intelligent. I was just studious and invested enough time to pass exams. People not doing what they should do is not them being stupid but me not grasping the full picture.
The second biggest pill that I am still swallowing is that I am not a good person. I try to behave in a good way, but it’s manipulative and not authentic. People don’t like goodness if it doesn’t come from the heart.
You sound like a very interesting person if I may say so (: Love me some folks who were brave enough to have faced these gigantic pillbottles.
Don’t they?? I’m instantly charmed.
People don’t like goodness if it doesn’t come from the heart.
I’m curious if you mean in an abstract way, of if you’ve done nice-seeming things for people only for them to call you out on whatever ulterior motives.
Cool that you’re way at the end of the willing-to-face-facts bell curve, though.
The latter made me aware of the former.
The thing with the former case is that basically nobody does nice things out of pure abstract altruism. Being nice can bring pleasure, be part of an identity, avoid shame and maybe boost your ego. That’s why people do it, and why they can turn around and be a monster the next moment if a new way to meet those needs becomes dominant (just open a history book). So, I wouldn’t worry too much.
Top shelf introspection here.
Re being a good person I wouldn’t sweat your mirror neurons over it too much. I suspect that if most people did the kind of self-analysis you’ve done, they would find similar, ulterior drives.
Anyway, so while I’ve long since shelved the fantasy of “true altruism” I have noticed that I’m more likely to behave nicely if I can set myself up for success by doing things like eating enough, working out, avoiding running late, etc. In a very real way I am a nicer person when I’m, for example, not running late.
I do this because behaving nicely is important to my self image, and leads to a more pleasant feeling life.
It’s something.
The biggest pill was that I am not intelligent.
The fact that you’re even saying this implies that you’re more intelligent than so many people.
Knowing the limits of your own understanding is a big part of intelligence imo
I was causing most of my own problems by having too many expectations that weren’t actually necessary
I need to get a grip when driving and not let others upset me so easily.
I read somewhere that if you’re angry when you’re driving, you’re actually angry about something not driving-related. It’s just manifesting while you’re behind the wheel.
Hey fellow road rager! I too suffer from this aillment while knowing at the same time that it could be life threatening if I cross paths with an armed short fused a$$hole. I live in a very high traffic city with stuff to do on both sides of it, taking my kid to some classes results in a two hour commute and then two hours back home. Not easy and it makes me want to light my hair on fire sooooo me and my kid play the “maybe” game:
Maybe that guy cut me off because he is pooping in his pants (Kid laughs and it Takes the edge of me bursting into flames)
Maybe that lady trying to pass me in a not so nice way is late for her flight to (insert whatever place you/your kid think of and talk about what things you’d like to do there. While in Italy, for example, we thought about asking for a pizza with pineapple on it and putting a clown wig on the David)
I could go on and on (I won’t) but the main thing is to redirect my anger as energy to somewhere else.
I find it amusing when I do it with my kid because it helps us connect while spending time together. When I am by myself I play it too, but the NSFW version: This guy is tailgating me because he cannot wait to get pegg3d when he gets home. Etc etc. I chuckle for a bit and let it pass. Not kink shaing anyone at all.
Maybe I am a bit insane but this has helped me tremendously.
Great outlook i need to try this
Stay in the basement. No driving required.
That trauma is not an identity and if I want to grow as a person I have to resolve that trauma and let go of the past.
When people told me I was smart as a child/young adult, what they really meant was I was showcasing a skill they lacked, which the overwhelming majority of people don’t give a shit about an adult having.
Often synonymous with just having an above average vocabulary. Ohhhh if only that’s all it took to be truly smart …
I’m just not that… (insert thing here)
