I’d prefer if Lemmy didn’t adopt the ‘divorce him/her, hit the gym, lawyer up’ rubber stamp comment.
My constant refrain on all the internet relationship advice is “You see that essay you just wrote? Read it to your partner.” And this will resolve the problem in one way or another in 90% of cases.
But then we also get a pretty hard selection bias as internet readers of relationship drama, in that in order for us to even know about the problem (1) it has to cause a significant emotional disturbance for OP, (2) OP has no source of trustworthy, levelheaded advice in their real life - which is already a bad start, (3) they think that the internet is the best place to go - another red flag, (4) they must be self-important enough to think their personal drama would warrant the attention of strangers, (5) the drama must be so juicy that it gets hoards of upvotes and comments so it reaches the front page, (6) it’s probably fake anyway.
So for the 5000 upvote /r/relationshipadvice post “My Trump supporter boyfriend says our free-use sex life should include my 14 year old daughter, but my cousin (her father) disagrees” - the answer is definitely “Yes, you should break up, and also go to therapy, preferably in a mental institution.”
I dunno, if you take that advice you either needed to do it because your relationship is so bad, or you needed to learn from the mistake of doing it.
Mature people in good relationships don’t break up just because the Internet told them to.
Most normal issues in a relationship can be worked on, and sometimes it actually helps to ask strangers on the internet to bounce off thoughts, fears or misunderstandings and gain a different perspective.
I agree. The problem is that internet strangers don’t personally know anyone involved, so much vital information and context will be missing. This is leaving aside the vitriolic, judgmental nature of those kinds of online spaces. Personally, I would never take relationship advice from anyone except close friends and family.
I would actually prefer anonymous advice when I’m having issues in a relationship because typically when people gripe about their relationships they only talk about the bad things and they only talk to people that care about them.
This ends up making it so that the people you are talking to hear all the bad stuff about the other person, and that causes them to start to dislike that other person.
It’s too easy to build negative feedback loops that can destroy relationships.
If talking to the internet isn’t good and talking to your friends isn’t good, then the only thing that’s really valid and valuable left would be to talk to a relationship counselor, or a personal therapist, whose only goal is to help you achieve your goals in a way that is healthy for you.
I agree with your last paragraph. As for the rest - each to their own. But online relationship advice communities often have their own biases and groupthink, and strangers will frequently “fill in the blanks” with their own assumptions. The advice is rarely objective.
and strangers will frequently “fill in the blanks” with their own assumptions
Yes, but a large number of strangers with different life experiences can help cancel out any one person’s personal baggage.
Most often you dont want your close friends and family to know about your problems with your partner for many reasons.
I don’t know - I’m the type who feels comfortable discussing anything with my close friends and family.
Good for you!
Not everyone is like you
Its less of an actual advice thing its more like just seeking validation. They were probably gonna do what they planned on doing anyways.
I have read a few and commented on a couple, usually when its a young person clearly ignorant of something potentially dangerous to them.
But most of the shit on there is so stupid. Like I get it! being in your early 20s or late teens and having those first relationships is a hard thing and your friends arent always good sources of advice. And you might want to your parents or other adults to be proud of you so you might not ask them the right questions.
But if the post starts to get more then a couple hundred upvotes or comments, it turns into a shit show
Some people are just inexperienced, had no good role models, have trouble getting good advice, or just need a sounding board. The internet loves to jump to break-up/divorce for some reason.
I feel like relationship advice and am I the asshole both fall into this category. There is never any good advice that you couldn’t find elsewhere and most people posting are just looking for agreement on what they already believe.
True. Worse, all the advice and pseudo-advice subs (r/relationshipadvice, r/TrueOffMyChest, r/Advice, etc.) have basically turned into an “AITA?” zone, even though that’s not what they’re supposed to be about.
You also have to worry about bots experimenting on you.
Naa I got good relationships advice from reddit long time ago. I just needed to know if I was crazy and it turned out I was very uninformed on the situation.
“a looking time ago”
That Reddit has been dead many years
If you’ve reached the point where you feel the need to ask for relationship advice but choose not to, that’s when breaking up makes sense.
I think asking for relationship advice is perfectly fine - just not from internet strangers.
Or it’s good not to be irrational and hear an unbais opinion
It’s time to understand how little you understand if you find the eternally lonely, mostly poorly socialized Westerners on Reddit have many valuable takes on interpersonal relationships, lol. That’s like coming to me for cooking advice and thinking I’m helpful and experienced because I can tell sugar from salt! 😅
Master…I beg of you, bestow upon us your great wisdom, how can one achieve such greatness to tell sugar from salt?
well, if your eggs are aweet and your oatmeal is salty, …
