The older I get the more clear basically every facet of our society is to exploit us and fill us with propaganda.

The first thing that comes to mind when I wake up is how much I just hate being surround by this species that seems to want nothing more than to destroy itself.

Everything is a fucking joke and I’m fucking tired of everyone but I have a daughter.

I’m absolutely miserable and disgusted by basically everyone but I don’t have the luxury of being able to quit. I just long for death.

  • Binette@lemmy.ml
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    2 months ago

    I’m only alive because of my friend. She means everything to me and is the only one that fully believes me.

    edit: forgot to mention, but yeah, she would be devastated if I killed myself, which is why I don’t.

  • Sebeck0401@feddit.nl
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    2 months ago

    Just like eating only junk food is bad for your body, so is current news bad for the mind. I suggest you seek out actually positive news channels on YouTube or smth. We live in a very shitty world but there is still so much good in it. There is free open source software out there, there is volunteer work, there are people who give time, money, energy to worthy causes, with nothing to gain. And that’s worth fighting for (Mr Frodo)!

    • Didros@beehaw.org
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      2 months ago

      Positive news? What like the “all of these employees gave up sick time to coworker” kinds of stories where you need to not ask the obvious questions to feel good about?

      I’ve never experienced anything positive that was news worthy that I’m aware of.

      • jmf@lemm.ee
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        2 months ago

        Its not just news, its the little things. Local things. Kids hitting new milestones in learning. Beauty in nature, and in the hands of artists all around us. Different wondrous things being researched that are going to help the human race in the future. There is so much wonder and excitement in this life just waiting to be experienced, but most of these things are not easily monetized when reported.

  • jbrains@sh.itjust.works
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    2 months ago

    Gratitude is a revolutionary act in times like these. Since you’re going to die, anyway, you might as well enjoy the ride as much as you can and teach your child to do the same. If you manage to make the world a better place along the way, then so much the better.

    Peace.

  • Commiunism@beehaw.org
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    2 months ago

    Been there, all depressed because of current state of the world, and learning that the “solutions” or “ways out” by the media are false or just delaying the inevitable/distractions, and judging from your comments you might be feeling the same thing.

    However, if you do that, not only would your daughter suffer but the world would also lose someone truly radical in today’s society, someone who would truly sees past the ideology and propaganda we’re subjected to. If everyone like that were to off themselves or start heavily abusing substances as a tool of escapism, the world would never change and people with a future ahead of them like your daughter would be doomed for certain.

    It’s important to cling onto hope - a better world is possible and you can be a part of building it, both individually but more importantly, collectively. Drop subtle hints in your conversations about what you think is wrong nowadays, who the real enemies you see are, plant the seeds in your colleagues and hope they’ll come to the same conclusions by themselves. If you see any resistance organizations aligned with your views politically, why not join them - after all, you’re not alone. Point is - there is still hope for change.

    Though if it works and it does make you feel better, you can also start focusing on positive/good news, even though I’m skeptical it would work, pandora’s box and all. Maybe even seek counseling or therapy if you have access to it.

  • BassTurd@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    I’m not suicidal and never have been, but I’ve certainly had dark thoughts. If I were ever pushed to that point, the pain I would inflict on those I care about would be the reason I couldn’t do it.

  • FRYD@sh.itjust.works
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    2 months ago

    I felt that way for a while, then I found out those people didn’t care about me as much as I thought. I’ve been holding on to my anger at that to keep me going for a year now. I dunno what’ll happen once that burns out.

  • rishado@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    theoretically if my death would upset no one I’d be out tomorrow. I’m over the loneliness

  • BCsven@lemmy.ca
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    2 months ago

    I don’t think about suicide, but when my wife asks "aren’t you sad you will die one day? . I’m like “no, sad for the kids, but I will be dead, I won’t know and I won’t have to work in the morning–So that Seems fine.”

    I hate things like North America is supporting Israel and so many kids are dying because Premiers and Presidents aren’t stepping in. It makes me weary, but I try to do small things to make other peoples lives better.

    Sometimes that has been making homemade bread and soup to hand out to homeless peopl. Sometimes its seeing a craigslist ad of somebody getting rid of something they think is broken, and I’ll respond with instructions on how it can be saved. The happy replies when you just saved somebody a $350+ repair bill (or cost of rebuying something) are worth it.

  • thezeesystem@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    2 months ago

    Understandable and feels for all of that. Only reason I’m still alive is not because I fear death but I’m afraid of surviving it and living a even worse life by force. The Amerikkkan medical system is extremely hard on people who attempt it and don’t really care if you lost a arm or something, they will still treat you just as shit and probably worse. So yeah, it’s not about being afraid I might hurt others because I’m gone. I’m afraid I might hurt others because I survived it and they have to take more care of me because of it.

    • HubertManne@piefed.social
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      2 months ago

      This. Its sorta hard to die in some ways in the modern world without taking a big risk of severely disabled survival.

  • Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Shortly after entering adulthood, I lost a close friend. He was still in college at the time, a talented, friendly, bright light snuffed far too early. He was well loved and his funeral was so packed that it was standing room only. One attendee described it as “the most depressing class reunion ever.”

    His loss has never left me.

    Right before I got the phone call telling me the news, I had been feeling extremely down about myself. I was crossing my work parking lot (which I had to do regularly as part of my job) without looking up for moving cars, thinking that if I got hit, it wouldn’t have mattered.

    But that same day, my phone rang. It was a mutual friend, and through obvious tears and a quavering voice, she told me, “John is dead!”

    With that, everything changed.

    I’ll never forget how much it hurt to lose somebody so important to me. The idea of purposely putting my friends through that has kept me going more times than I can count. I have to remind myself, even in my darkest, most self-hating moments, that I’m more important to others than I realize. I can’t imagine John would have known just how much of an impact he had made on others, but I saw the proof. I felt the pain. I love my friends and family too much to entertain the thought of making them attend my funeral. And so I push on, but with one change:

    I now make a point to explicitly tell my friends how much they matter to me.